Friday, August 31, 2007
At the end of the day, My oldest son had a very sensible,sweet take on the whole episode. What we saw as a terrible trait in our pet, he saw as a major accomplishment. He said " Think of it Mom, What is Cosmos only goal in life? To catch a squirrel, Well now he has achieved his goal. Think how great he must be feeling. I'm really proud of him." I would have never thought of it that way. Then Mr. Lulu said, "Yeah, Look how happy he looks, He is outside smoking a cigar".
check out sunday scribblings for more endings
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
This past weekend we attended an engagement party that was a family reunion as well. It was so nice catching up with relatives that we hadn't seen in many years. It was also nice spending the day with my in-laws. Life gets so busy, and it's a shame that we don't have enough time to share with all the family and friends that we care deeply for. My husbands parents are alot of fun and we get along great. I feel so lucky to have a mil ( mother in law) & fil (father in law) who I really treasure.
I was so happy that my mil captured the above photo of my fil with me. I think the last time we had a photo together was nearly 27 years ago on my wedding day.
On that day it was my fil who walked me down the aisle. You may remember ,My dad passed away when I was 3. When I first met my husband, I was having some rough times with my own family. My fil and mil were there for me. They welcomed me with open arms and I've never forgotten how much that meant to me. I have a lot of reasons to thank these special people. One of the best reasons is the wonderful example of a loving, adoring husband that my fil gave to his son. My mil and I always discuss this common adoration & love that we share from two very similar, amazingly devoted husbands. The love that my in laws share after 56 years of marriage is not only rare but also inspiring. It is the epitome of what the bond of marriage can be. I sometimes worry for them because even though they may not look or act it, they are growing older. If one should lose the other it would be beyond heartache and beyond consolation. This "sinking" thought always brings to mind the lyrics of Natalie Merchants song- " My beloved wife" ( The lyrics are in my sidebar). A husband is singing about his wife of over 50 years who has passed away, and he questions if it is wrong that he feels he wants to go with her. I have chills just thinking of this beautiful song and the love it professes. We all deserve to love and be loved in life. It is worth the searching, it is worth the heartaches along the way. It is worth taking a lifetime if necessary to acquire it.
Here is my husband..... standing behind me in a photo and standing behind me in whatever I do... forever.
Monday, August 27, 2007
I feel like to personalize this topic it should read like my title. As much as you know me as a kidder and someone who likes to have fun, I am SO full of doom and gloom. The meaning of A sinking feeling, according to Answers. com, is a sense of dread or apprehension. I sense dread & apprehension more than I care to disclose! The first strong sinking feeling that popped into my head when I read the prompt is one that every parent has experienced. Thinking I had lost my child in a store. Even though it was a matter of seconds before I found my son hiding under the clothes rack at macys, It felt like an eternity, like time stood still.A low Ringing in my ears the sinking feeling sinking below my heart and into the pit of my stomach, making me nauseous as well as dizzy. Sweat immediately formed on my upper lip along with chills down my spine. Calling his name out became a shrill cry that quickly drew attention from other compassionate moms nearby. The feeling of relief in finding him is indescribable. If you are a parent I don't need to type more.. YOU KNOW what I mean.
Another time I experience that sinking feeling is when I totally embarrass myself by saying something Ridiculously stupid. My most embarrassing moment? Being at the wake of a family friend. His distraught wife hugged me goodbye and with tears said "Thanks so much for coming"? What did Loose Lipped Lucy reply? "Thanks for having me." Even in her tragic circumstance she actually squinted at me looking puzzled. I was MORTIFIED! My husbands sister still teases me and remembers my famous blunder. That sinking feeling is still present just re-telling it.
My kids keep telling me I worry too much, they must be right, because whenever they're not home and my phone rings, my heart sinks. It is amazing that I don't have more gray hairs. Forget it if the phone rings at 4 am. My husband needs to call a paramedic after he hangs up. I think my heart actually stops beating, till I hear him say "Wrong number".
Another classic sink happens if I even think I may have offended someone's feelings. Last week I worried all week about something I said to a favorite client, I finally had to call her to apologize. She thought I was a NUT, she didn't even think twice about our conversation. What the hell is wrong with me? This sinking feeling thing is going to do me in, I know it.
My Obit will read " She Sunk!"
Thursday, August 23, 2007
If you remember in my vacation post, I talked about the problems we were having with our new hot tub. Well trouble seems to come in multiples. After the repairman fixed our leak and we finally got to soak and relax, We started having a huge problem with foam. We had more suds than a tub full of Mr. Bubbles. It was fun to make funny hair sculptures on my head, but it felt freaky. I've never been in a sudsy hot tub before. My husband( Mr. HOT stuff) went to the pool store and bought a chemical called suds away( or something like that). This product not only made us have more suds it also made the tub feel slimy! If that wasn't enough it left me with a rash all down my legs! I've been using cortisone on my legs and waiting till it goes away before I will go back in. In the mean time Mr. Hot stuff has emptied it and re-filled it to rid it of the De-sudser.
My son, who couldn't believe the amount of suds in our tub last week, went to his friends house to go in his "crystal clear"hot tub. When he returned home he informed us that his friends parents use a "scumball' to collect foam and body oils. Today, I was on a Scumball quest. I called the first store " EXcuse me do you have scumballs?" She hung up on me. I tried calling another hot tub store. " Hi, I'm trying to find Scumballs" WHATTTT?? I tried explaining myself, it wasn't easy.
I'm telling you, With all the stores and shopping centers I run around to in a week, trying to do all my errands, I have run into my fair share of scumballs. BUT! When you really need a scumball there are none to be found! I finally went in to Leslie's pool store and without taking a chance of some idiot standing next to me and shouting " HOW MUCH FOR THE SCUMBALL?" I searched the shelves, found the Balls ( figures they come in pairs), didn't care that they had no price-tag, and very inconspicuously paid for and hauled my balls out of there.
Apparently, you are suppose to let a ball float around and it collects oils, foam, dirt and are you ready for this HAiRS! ( don't you want to run right out and jump in someone's hot tub!?) How gross does this sound? My son said while he was in his friends tub, this dirty little brown slime ball of germs just floated around him! ( my words not his) I'm starting to re-think this whole hot tub idea. ( Mr. Hot stuff is going to clobber my sudsy, fickle head) With my history of sensitivity to EVERYTHING- I have a feeling if I want to frequently soak in relaxing hot water, I better not only stock up on scumballs and cortisone, but on some monistat too.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Rule # 1 Using the first word of my sentence as a prompt, write your own sentence that captures you/your essence!
Accept my imperfections, we are all human, why should I be different?
Break away from negative thoughts( even if it leaves my brain blank)
Create a loving home environment
Decide a goal I want to achieve and stick to it
Explore my hearts desires instead of my thighs
Forgive myself as readily as I forgive others
Give Of my time and love and friendship/ Give UP guilt trips!
Hope that my children are always happy and healthy
Ignore the ignorance/negativity of others/ as well as dust bunnies
Journey through my life with a confident step ( in funky shoes)
Know that I am truly loved
Love my loved ones and friends unconditionally
Manage my Am Ex more maturely
Notice the little things and enjoy them
Open my mind and my windows and breathe deeply every day
Play and laugh and find fun in each day
Question the insensitivity of others instead of just feeling disappointed
Relax and don't let little irritants get to me ( take a xanax when necessary)
Share my knowledge, my ups and downs to help others prevent the same downs
Try to be the best person I can each day
Use my compassion, my humor and my listening skills to help others feel good
Value my family and relationships also my successes
Work on bettering my self as a mother, wife and friend ( and dog owner)
( maybe neighbor too)
X-ray any broken relationship and find a way to mend it
Yield to the insane, negative and morons in my life. They need the right of way, let them have it.
Zoom around when cleaning to have more blogging time ( try not to break nicknacks in the process)
Rule #2 Tag as many as you want but at least one person!
Rule #3 List who you tag! Here they are! If you've been in a bloggers funk like I have, I hope this meme may be inspiring!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
My birthday weekend is over but the happiness of it will remain. Two posts ago, I wrote about a problem that I needed to resolve this year. I usually don't get going THIS quickly on goals that I've made, but thank god my "important person" had the same goal and made an apologetic move. My biggest heartache of '07 is over. I know tonight I will sleep better than I have in 7 months.
Another happy part of my weekend was spending it with my family and friends. Their love, warmth and company was simply heartwarming. The above flowers are from my husband who makes me feel adored 24 hours a day. The older I get the more I think I am going to treasure birthdays. :)
Saturday, August 18, 2007
I am so excited to be writing in a real diary! For many years I have been writing in a black and white notebook. I have always wanted you, white with gold trim and the best part a Lock and key! Now, I don't have to worry about my mom coming across you and reading all my thoughts. This is what happened, Last week my 6th grade class was asked to collect donations to Unicef while we were trick or treating. Our teacher, Mrs. Langanthall told us who ever collects the most money will win a prize. Cindy thinks she is so cool, she said she doesn't even go trick or treating anymore. She tried to make me feel like a baby. What is she, crazy? Who wouldn't want free candy? Today, she told me that boys get their periods too. I have no idea about that, So I just said "Of course they do", but I will ask my sister when she comes home from High school. I can't believe I collected the most money! $25.00! ( I know Cindy was jealous when she saw the prize). A beautiful Diary! My First Diary! I can't wait to write my brother a letter and tell him how I won. He is stationed in Seoul Korea and I hope he gets to come home soon. Why do we have to have this stupid war diary? I hate it.
I promise I will take great care of you diary. I couldn't believe how many of the kids in my class just threw their orange Unicef containers in the trash. Why wouldn't they want to help other kids? When I grow up I want to have at least 6 kids. Three boys and three girls. Like my favorite show the Brady Bunch!
I'm still not sure if I want to marry Tom C. or Bobby Sherman. Tom looked soooo cute today. When I said Hi to him, he threw his head back and his hair flew in his eye. He had on the blue Peace T-shirt! But Bobby Sherman is my favorite singer and I just melt when I look at his posters. This is going to be a tough decision. I know I have lots of time though. I better go do my homework now Diary, because I want to go ride my bike with Linda after dinner. She is my best friend, you will hear a lot about her. I am 2 months older than she is but She is sooo lucky- Her mom is buying her, her very own Monkey! bye 4 now, LuLu
Lulu and Bobby
Mrs. Bobby Sherman
Lulu and Tom
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I am looking at tomorrow like we look at New years day. I want to start over again. Make some resolutions, be a better me.
I've been reading a great little book about communication. The sister of a client wrote it. I have already made some changes by reading this helpful book. The author gives 6 great questions we should ask ourselves before we speak. Did you peek at them yet? Well, if not # 3 is "Where will my words get me?" This one has changed me into a quieter Lucy! So often I will tell my husband stories of things clients or friends have said to me that have pissed me off. When I stop and ask-Where will my words get me? I know they will just make my husband dislike that person. SO, #6- Why must I say it at all? Well, because I like to vent to my best friend, But Instead I've been venting to a friend who doesn't know the other person. ( blogging about annoyances could be another way of venting) I've always considered myself a good communicator, but this is helping me be a better communicator.
Another resolution I have this NEW year, is I want to be a better listener. I had an older client the other day, tell me how much she missed her Mom. She said her mom was such a great listener, Not only to the important things her kids had to say, but the trivial as well. She missed being able to ramble on about the little things in life and have someone listen with sincere, caring, interest. She was so moved by this loving trait. I started questioning my own listening skills. It seems like lately every time one of my boys wants to tell me something trivial, I am in the middle of a task, harried by life, running off to work or on that damn phone. ( can you see the phone?)
Yesterday, My health ins. Co. finally called me back about a question I had. My son was in the middle of telling me something important to him. As important as it was that I resolve the insurance problem, I picked up, got her number and extension and told her I would call her back. ( With these frustrating companies this is taking a chance of never speaking to a human associate again). I felt good. It was a good decision and I was able to give him my full attention again. I could tell he was relieved, He didn't want to stop his stories momentum.
The ironic thing is my clients would tell you, I'm a very good listener. As a matter of fact, I was so emotional this week by how many lovely women remembered it was my birthday and sent me beautiful cards saying, they look forward to their appointments. Saying, they think I'm special. I am a big mush and am very touched by these warm gestures. I can't believe they even remembered the date.
Last but in no way least, I have a huge problem I NEED to resolve in my 48th year. I need to try and mend a broken relationship. I need to fix my broken heart. Seven Long months ago, I had a falling out or maybe it was a miscommunication with a very important person in my life. I need to figure out a way to make things right between us. I fear the feeling isn't mutual, and I think if that is true, I won't be able to handle the emotional pain. I think that fear is what is holding me back from confrontation. I have to face the fact that the heartache I have is just as bad as that outcome would be. At least with trying I will Know where I stand. So,( as Dr. Seuss would say it-) I know If I want my 48th year to be great, I must first conquer my fear and face our fate.
Hey! thanks for being such a good listener! :)
Monday, August 13, 2007
My sons big toe had an ingrown toenail. The ingrown toenail became infected. His toe was swollen and red like an angry little alien. First the podiatrist tried lancing the skin on the side of his toenail. Lancing is cutting the infected toe to let the pus and blood escape. ( any willies yet?) A week later, his other big toe gets infected. Same procedure. The first toe got better but the 2nd one needed a more drastic approach to curing his problem... He needed to.....( horror music please.....) remove my sons toenail! ( Full blown goosebumps yet?) He started out with a very long needle to slowly inject an anesthetic to numb him. Then he clipped and dug and pulled and pullllleddd some more and from way down deep where I didn't know we had toenails, he removed a very long shard of nail covered in blood and He held it up in his surgical tweezers. How do I know all this? Because my craaaazy son ( Yes! the kid who calls me crazy) VIDEO taped the whole nasty procedure! The doctor said this was the first time someone asked if they could video his work. I couldn't believe how steady my son held the camera as he watched his toenail being pulled out of its nail-bed. ehhheeeehhoooohhh ( that's my chills) I can't watch the entire video, but I made the mistake of looking up at the very moment the nail beneath the nail-bed was extracted, looking just like a jagged piece of broken glass pulled out of a murder victim.
Is it because he is my son that I am in Willie city? I can't look at his toe without being covered in goosebumps. I can't even listen to him tell the tale of his toe without goosebumps. I can't even write about it now, without them.
Today he went back to the doctor for a re-check and is on antibiotics because the nail-less toe is getting infected again! This is so worrisome. He has been soaking it and putting bacetracin on it and covering it like he was instructed. I hope the anti-biotic ends this chilling fiasco that he has been handling so courageously. ( or as he says - So metal)
So how did you handle this tale? Was I able to make your skin rise even a little bit?
If not.. How about a visual ( warning... Not for weenies)
Friday, August 10, 2007
We have been eating dinner out a lot. Something I love to do- EAT. Even in my semi-comatose state, I can't help noticing what I brought up in my last post. Our society has lost common courtesy. While sitting waiting for my delicious filet of sole arreganata at Emilios, I couldn't help noticing the people around me. One guy follows the waitress to his seat while YAWNing an exaggerated loud yawn. His molars weren't too appetizing. Another guy, being brought to his seat was talking SO loudly on his cell phone. One woman sat her 4 yr. old on the table in front of her so they could play! I observed that most people order without saying Please and thank-you. Some don't even look up at the poor waitresses face. I say Poor because she looked like she was sick of these people too. I felt sorry for her. I know I could never serve food for a living. I would be having many ooops moments, deliberately dropping drinks in their manner-less laps.
Speaking of drinks, I thought I would do my share of drinking this week( for relaxation purposes of course!), but After one VERY strong frozen margarita at Besito I decided to stick to iced tea. I don't know how much alcohol they put in this drink but I felt drunk from just one! Even though this is a Mexican restaurant and it is a Mexican drink, I felt the desire to shout BOnSAi half way through drinking it! An hour or so after we dropped our friends home, I felt hung over and had the worst headache. Whatever had me yelling also had me wasted. The next day I needed double time on the lounger to fight the effects of one drink. ( I'm such an amateur)
Our vacation was also suppose to be a great time to enjoy our new hot tub. We received this tub about 3-4 weeks ago. We had to wait one ( understandable) week for our electrician. He hooked it up and put on the jets and guess what? It started pouring water from underneath! He thought maybe it was a cracked or loose fitting. Terrific! So began our phone stress with the company. After much arguing and aggravation... We still had to wait TWO weeks for them to send a repairman. We tried to keep it in perspective. Remember I've said How I hate when people complain because they are having their houses renovated, or they're getting ready for a vacation.. I don't want to sound like that. After all we've been through in life, I KNOW that this is NOT a problem. So.... We have gone in this week just to cool off from the sun. Without jets, I am thinking of it as a nice warm very small pool! The repairman is due to come today, but with the pouring rain we're having I will not be holding my breath.
I love that this week has given me a lot of time to read. Have you read "The Prince of Tides"? If not I deeply recommend it.
The film is one of my favorites. When I was talking about it with a friend she asked if I had read the book. She said it was one of her top 10 favorite books. I am so happy she mentioned it. The book is beautifully written (by Pat Conroy). Like all books adapted to film, the book is full of wonderful details and gives insight into the characters that I was so happy to discover. I am falling in love with the main character Tom Wingo. ( I keep telling my husband- I have to leave you 'cause Tom Wingo is giving me goosebumps!) Unlike most books I've read though, I think they did a fabulous job transposing this book into a movie. I only have a few pages left and I plan on spending one night of vacation re-watching this poignant, must see flick. If you have seen it or read the story, I would love to hear what your thoughts are. If you haven't, Please consider putting it on your netflix list or reserve list at the library.
Well, It's nearly 4pm. We've stayed home all day waiting for the hot tub man, who was due at 2. I think it's time to get ready to go experience another local restaurant and seek out good manners.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
We were in Kohls buying him new work shoes... I remembered I needed to buy a baby gift. After getting the gift, the wrapping paper and the bow, I said let's pay back here at the Customer service counter, they may be more apt to have a gift box than the front registers. Very nicely as I put my merchandise on the counter I asked the bored, pissed off looking sales woman if I could please have a box. She looked at me like I was asking her for one of her kids. She said "We don't have any boxes".
So began my debate with this woman. "Oh, do you know if they have them up front?" "No, we don't get boxes."
me- What are you talking about? I always get boxes here........ Here is where my middle son looks at me with those eyes and that look on his face meaning... Craaaaazy. I could have smacked him in the head! He whispers to me... Mom, stop already they don't have them.... they don't give you boxes in stores. ( Can you tell, he only shops for skateboards and cds??) I say... Of Course they do! this isn't K-mart. When you shop at Kohls or Macys or bloomingdales... You are suppose to get a Gift box. She says " At christmas, that's the only time we get them" So I look up at the anti-clerk and I say..." WHAT?"
( but I get composed and try to simmer and say) "hold on let me go get a gift bag instead."
NO baby gift bags in the store... Back to her counter I look at her apathetic expression and I say.. So what are people suppose to do if you don't give us a box anymore? She says like it's common knowledge- " You go over to the dollar store and buy one". Here is where... thank god my kids where with me. I could have punched her right in her sarcastic ugly face! ( do you think I need this vacation???)
My tension was palpable. I pay her and we walk away. My son starts pestering me, that I sound like the lunatic customers that he has to deal with at work and he is Debating with ME, ME a semi-professional shopper... that Of course you shouldn't get a box! He was so emphatic I was slightly questioning my sanity and my memory of my shopping expertise. We got to the front registers, I walk away from my traitor son.... and say to the cashier... "Excuse me, would you happen to have a box?"
The sweet young girl said... Are you ready for this..... "Sure! What size would you like?" My eyes shot my 20 year olds like daggers... as I said to her... Your customer service woman claims they don't exist.
Again, If I wasn't with my kids... I would have happily marched all the way back to the cust. service counter... Held up my trophy called " A gift box" and said " Guess What? It must be Christmas!" Sometimes our kids bring out the best in us... I simply left the store.... triumphant and probably, YES, a little craaaaazy.
Basically this very long story is being told to remind me to breathe deeply this week. Enjoy the simple things in my life. Relaaaax. Take everything with a grain of salt (as well as extra salt on the rim of my much needed margarita.) See the glass as Half full ( As well as half full of Vodka with my fufu soda.)
Has anyone else been frustrated by sales people lately? I would love to hear your tales! :)
Saturday, August 04, 2007
After being fortunate enough to have two healthy children, we decided our family was complete. Several years later, as my two great guys grew, I began to get a stirring deep down in my heart. I loved my family very much, yet I felt it wasn't complete. I remember my heart feeling heavy, with the yearning and love to raise another child.
Financially, I didn't think it was wise to take on the expense that comes automatically with having more kids. My husband was working like a lunatic to make ends meet.( and if your read the last post... NO it wasn't because of my shoe habit!)
Living on Long Island is ridiculously expensive and we had considered moving several times through our marriage, circumstances never seemed right. So we struggled on... The yearning grew. I didn't want to even burden my husband with the strong maternal desire that I was fighting. So what does a girl do? Right... You turn to your girlfriends. One dear friend who had already had four kids, Wisely said "my mom said you can always stretch the soup, giving your children a sibling is the best gift you can give". Another dear and also wise friend said " I don't think you should put that kind of pressure on your husband, As it is things are difficult" And last but not least my other dear friend said Out right " ARe YOU F___ing CRAZY? Your boys are 7 and 4, soon Life will be even easier, Why the hell do you want to strap yourself down with another baby? haha - Don't you just LOVE her honesty?? I loved it, Yet...
I listened to my heart and friend # one. My poor tired over worked husband was ecstatic by my desire. He had always wanted a big family. He said The hell with practicality and money. Let's have a baby!
Most people think because of the age difference( 8 yrs. between 1st and 3rd) our youngest must have been a happy little accident. I recently told him this story. He was so planned and so desired and he was one of the best decisions we had ever made.
I read an article after he was born, a study showed that what #child you were dictates how many children you feel completes your family. I though it was interesting because I am # 3 and I KNEW my family wasn't whole without a # 3.
Speaking of #3.... That third girlfriend.... Felt SO terrible about her advice after she fell in love with our little guy, She has NEVER forgotten one of his birthdays. She often jokes... Thank god you didn't listen to me. You know what else? I still seem to have extra soup in our pot. You know what else? These last nearly 15 years with him HAS been the best gift to all of us.
If you decide to read more decison stories click HERE
Friday, August 03, 2007
Let me tell you something about some of them- I bought the brown borns most recently for their comfort. Many years ago in a Manhattan shoe store, a salesmen watched me looking at all the cute, trendy shoes. I asked him if he could get me a pair in my size. He shook his head and said "You don't want to wear those, Let me get you a pair of shoes you are going to love". He disappeared up a flight of stairs. He came back with a black pair of Born Maryjanes. They were pretty ugly but in a cute sort of way. I tried them on and couldn't believe HOW much more comfortable they were than my usual choices. I bought them and have almost worn them out. I did however wonder.... Gee, Do I look old and tired and like I stand up all day? How was He SO sure I needed comfort so badly? Brilliant shoe man!
I stand on my feet all day and thought it would be smart to start to take care of my legs and feet. So, The brown born sandals are worn to work a lot. I love all of these shoes but I seem to most often slip into the most comfortable ones, the pink flip flops, for everyday running around.... The white with the peekaboo toes aren't too comfortable but I can suffer through a night out in them because... Well, Just look at how adorable they are. Aren't you getting chills?
The green with the daisy, I bought last year in 3 colors and use them often like a comfy pair of slippers.
As much as I love my winter shoes and am batty for boots... I have to say I love wearing open toe shoes the best. I love how free my feet feel, I love how quickly I can slip in and out of them. I love the whimsical styles and the bright colors.
Why do we women love shoes so much? I read in the book "in her shoes" that it's because no matter how much weight we gain our feet stay the same size. That is not true for me. I got married in a size 6 and now wear an 8! I am only 15 lbs heavier than my wedding day, so what is up with that? Is it from standing so much, these poor piggies just flattened out??
So my blogging buddies... If you are still with me at the end of this EXTRA WIDE shoe tale. I will ask you...What do my shoes say about me and my chubby little toes?? Hmmmm??