An old post resurected

Like most women, I find shopping for a dressy dress almost as torturous as the dreaded bathing suit search. However, Yesterday my shopping experience was terrifying. I finally found a dress I liked. They didn't have my size. The saleswoman suggested I try the dress anyway, If I liked it, they could order my size. Fine. The pickings were so slim, Even though I knew this dress was probably one or two sizes too small, I decided to forge ahead. I entered the the desolate hallway that housed 3 small fun house mirrored boxes. In my foolish haste, I forced this tiny beaded contender over my crazed (apparently) Large head. I squirmed and shimmied and shoved and pulled. I got it over my huge head and managed to strangle my raised arms as well. That was it. I was stuck like that. Panic struck. I wanted to call out for help but the glimpse of my bikini underwear barely on ,while a beaded straight jacket covered my head and arms, was too embarrassing to draw attention to. The mental image (or in this case fantasy) was clear and frightening. The firemen are called- they need the jaws of life to remove the assailant. I am left in my bright orange (too small) bikinis, battered, bruised, breathless (bra-less) and totally mortified. BUT- The handsome fireman (who axed the door down)gives a sexy smile & his bright yellow jacket to cover my flustered, perspired body.
Even though the fantasy of him eases my panic a smidge- I know I need to do this on my own. Miraculously, through my one eye that isn't enshrouded in material- I spy a Zipper! Oh my God, this dress had a zipper? I manage to reach it and pull just enough to get a whole hand out. I escape! Let me tell you though, For Five LONG minutes I didn't think I would without ripping that (fantasy sized) bully in two.