Saturday, February 07, 2009

The Art of B.S.

I had a lot of ideas for the Sunday scribblings prompt... ART. However, After the trying day I had at work today, I've decided to talk about the art of bull shit.
Usually, In my profession, no matter how you are feeling or what is going wrong in your life.. If you want to keep your clients coming back, you need to put on a happy face and listen to and respond to all the bullshit that some people need to talk about, with MORE bullshit. Although your head may be pounding or your heart aching or your nerves shattered, you need to make their visit all about them. Lucky for me, I am not faced with this dilemma too often. Most of my clients are well liked and friends as well, and the conversations are really enjoyable, very honest and sincere . A normal exchange of interesting topics, as well as Me sharing my life with them and No bullshit what so ever!

Oh! though those days when I am faced with my most challenging clients.... the B.S., like green mold, just keeps spreading. Today, while covered in mold, I thought... It's peculiar, they never touched on the art of bullshit back in beauty school. They did warn- never talk politics or religion with your clients! But, the art of bullshit, which I think is as essential for any successful hairstylist to know as haircutting, needs to be self-taught. I've developed the art quite well after all my years of experience. What you need is a harmonious blend of courtesy combined with common-sense combined with a Big-Phony-Baloney-sense and a strong stomach too. If I were to establish and teach B.S. 101, it would include daring challenges like .. how to handle self-absorbed, narcissistic, rude people, who will expect you to listen to endless chatter about How difficult it is to get ready for their much needed upcoming trip to the bahamas. I would also hand out garlic and place my students in mock situations, demonstrating how a client may ramble on with pointless bullshit for 45 minutes (With foul breath) about their son in laws relatives being horrible with blow by blow accounts of EVeRy situation with these horrible people. People you've never met, never hope to meet and could really give a shit about! The student hairdresser would be required to stand there (on their secretively tired legs) looking interested, convincingly shaking their head in disbelief or whatever gesture is appropriate and interjecting B.S. expressions like "OH No!" and 'That's terrible of them". Thereby mastering the performance of an attentive, caring listener who can also implement the art of an excellent haircut, all while feeling totally irritated, nauseated by the odor and a longing to sit down. That's what I would call a B.S. Pro!

19 comments:

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Thanks for reminding me why I love having a door to my office.

anthonynorth said...

I was brought up in a shopkeeping family, plus 9 years in the armed forces, taking orders from many an idiot.
I've become an expert at handling them - and I've nearly learnt not to let them get me angry.
Nearly ... ;-)

Remiman said...

Lucy,
I prefer to think bullshit artists are born not made; at least the best of us are.;-)
And it truly is an art!
rel

Penny said...

Oh yeah I completely understand! I really don't like those conversations. I don't know about you, but I would rather be silent when I am getting my hair cut. DO you like it when you get quiet ones in??

bellamocha said...

I really agree Lucy and I love your refreshingly honest, to-the-point, gutsy point of view on this!! This is a great SS!

A couple of times I've been lucky enough to get really friendly with my hairdresser, but I've had others who I really couldn't read and so I'd take a book in and read. I was grateful for the peace and quiet, maybe they were too.

But I've had plenty of times of having to listen to the customer in the chair next to me rattle in a loud voice, complaining about everything under the sun...and I didn't enjoy it, so I can sympathize.

I had never thought of the garlic breath though...omg, poor you!!

Great SS! Mine's up too.
Bella x

Bee Bee said...

The story of every profession I guess..

seher's shenanigans said...

sigh!!!
I can so relate :)

chk mine at
http://eternitycallsus.blogspot.com/2009/02/art-imitates-life.html

Linda Jacobs said...

You never fail to write an entertaining post! Great take on this prompt!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Amen Lucy, I'd last maybe a day then shave some womans head and there goes the career. I wonder how men deal with the bullshit? Do they have a different way to deal?

Patois said...

All that for a $5 tip? Please tell me you get bigger tips the more you have to BS. Please.

Tumblewords: said...

BS is truly an art...good post! The previous one is a gem, as well.

Amarettogirl said...

Oh Lucy Lu ...You are so right on!!! I especially hate fake (false) attentive b'sers! The ones who are really good at pretending to give a shit but really really don't! Your post made me smile - I hope you like mine:)

keith said...

Years spent pouring drinks behind a bar gave me a first class education in how to look interested whilst thinking of something completely different. Sorry, what were you saying?

quitecontrary1977 said...

I never thought about how much b.s. you must have to hear all the time. Nothing is more tiring than having to be polite to rude people.

Granny Smith said...

It sounds as if you should taken a course in psychiatry before becoming a hair-dresser! This is a delightfully humorous take on what must be very annoying situations. Your writing is so vivid that I could almost hear the whine of complaining voices.

Hang in there!

Lori Anderson Designs said...

(Gives you a standing ovation)...

Giggles said...

Very entertaining....as I visualize the students....so funny as always...a very unique take on the post!

Love SHerrie

paisley said...

oh lucy,, you guys have it even worse than waitresses as those people are there and you are devoted to one at a time!!! don't know if i could handle it.. you are such a "sweetie" tho,, i am sure you have them all bullshitted into believing you care!!!!!!

xxoo

Tammy said...

Lucy my queen, teach me your wise ways. TOO FUNNY! HUG