The Moment she said the words.....memories flooded back to me. In one moment I was laughing and shampooing my clients color out of her hair. She was telling a funny story. She was reminiscing about her child's high-school days. He never woke for class, they would pour cold water on him. They would threaten him. A small moment later she mentioned they threatened him with the -Truant officer.- My heart stopped, I started shaking inside, the memory that had been tucked so far back from my heart and mind exploded. I don't know if she noticed how quiet I became, my laughter ceased. A sadness came over me over a memory of my childhood that sums up that childhood. That stabs me with pain. However, NOW that it has abruptly moved into my consciousness. Now that I have wept and agonized. I feel I CAN control the pain of this memory and all it brings with it. Maybe, By talking about it. Maybe, By writing it down. Definitely, By not being so embarrassed about a way of life that as a child I had No control of. In the third grade the 'truant officer' came to my home. To remove a frightened little girl who was hiding in her mothers closet and escort her back to elementary school. A little girl, who was solely responsible for getting herself up each morning. Getting herself fed, bathed and dressed. Walking herself the short walk to the bus stop and getting herself off to school on time. It is very understandable that playing hooky became her preference most days. I don't remember how many days of school I must have missed that particular year. Apparently, the school must have called my mom at work and she must have (I would assume) given permission for this 'official' kidnapping. My big sister was home that day too. At 14, she was a hooky champion as well. She pulled me out of that cluttered closet. She told me I HAD to go to school with this man. I was merely 8 yrs. old. I was hysterically crying. I was extremely terrified. I was, as I now am, shaking inside.
I remember sitting so silently in the front seat of his little red Volkswagen beetle. I remember going into my classroom and a few kids asking " Why would you come to school this late? It's almost time to go home."
In a quick moment I lied that I was sick in the morning but felt better now.
Today I assume a parent would be arrested for leaving a little child consistently unattended. Back in the '60's, no one seemed to notice or care. From Kindergarden on through..... I was given the momentous responsibility of....myself. alone.
I'm not sure if I will be able to hit the 'publish post' button tomorrow. Part of me feels, this may help the healing process, part of me feels devastated to disclose such an intimate glimpse into my past. I fear and resent pity. I fear being viewed as pathetic. I just need to rebound. I need to put the pain in perspective. I just need to mend.
1 day ago