Friday, August 07, 2009

What's new is quite old

Congratulations to sunday scribblings host Laini! She is about to have a NEW baby!
so.. NEW is the prompt for the week


So, what is New here in the petals residence?! WHEWwwww I can't even believe I am sharing this, but I just have to share it, because I just heard it and I still can't believe it and It is NEWS to me and I don't know whether I should be pissed or amused or REALLY pissed!
As mr. petals (notice I didn't capitalize the m in mr or the p in petals tonight) and I were having a wonderful soak in the hot tub and talking about this and that... THIS NEW information was revealed to me after being married to this man for nearly TWENTY NINE YEARS! Ends up, there was a woman he was MADLY in love with before he met me!! Now.. I knew he had been WAY around the block before I came along... I mean maybe...WAY around the neighborhood would be a better description. (or town? no... PLANET!) way around the planet is fitting! I've heard many tales about many women which have made me upset but I fought my emotions from bubbling over because it was just 'meaningless sex'. (apparently many can put those two words together, I never could.) (and also 'cause i always Coerce him into telling me, so I can't show I am upset!!) But THIS NEW revelation!! Holy shit! I mean what is a woman suppose to do with this information?! mr petals doesn't read my blog.. but I would feel like a creep, if I were to disclose any more of the UN F**#ING BELIEVABLE details of this relationship he was involved in. What I can't help wondering deep in my heart.. WHY? Why didn't he ever share this? I WILL TELL YOU WHY!! Because.. She affected him THAT much! That's why!! Why else would this have NOT come out early on in our dating?? And then there was planning a wedding for a year.. ya THINK maybe that would have been a good time to tell someone who is committing to spend the rest of their lives with you that You've already experienced being madly in love??

Of course he is denying today that he was madly in love with her..
denying that THAT was the reason this was never discussed... But I Am a WoMAN!! I Know!!
I know EVERYThing! I know about emotions! and feelings! and covert affairs! and scheming deception! and Silence speaking VOlumES!!! I know this is going to haunt me for a very long time. I also know I will need to drop this with mr. petals. (or he may never confess any other secrets!!) This man has devoted himself to loving me for over 30 years and I KNOW like I know my own heart... that he has been undeniably faithful and madly in love with me. So why then does this news have my stomach feeling like there is a spin cycle going on inside of it, pushing sudsy bubbles into my throat and heated FURY into my pulsing veins?? Why then do i feel so betrayed? Cheated on! Misled! Deceived! Can someone help me clarify why I am such a lunatic. OR AM i crazy to feel so distressed? Maybe I am not crazy and should go kill the bastard right now?? I am open for suggestions!! (not on how to kill him, I'm sicilian...THAT i can handle)

22 comments:

daisies said...

honestly, mean are different than women and if we don't tell than its a big deal because it means something but more often than not if they don't tell, its because its in the past and they are committed and happy in what they have found (that would be the you part :) and its past and gone, sometimes that's all it is ... its simple and honest i think ... maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want it to be a thing when it wasn't a thing, if that makes any sense ... i'm tired ;-)

anyway, he might have loved her at one point but its you he fell in love with enough to build a beautiful life which has a way of taking that initial love and making it so much bigger than one could ever believe thus rendering someone else he might have loved at some tiny point in time, pretty darn insignificant really ... :-)

i've been in love before but none if it has anything on what i have now ... that's the thing ...

hugs! xo

Granny Smith said...

This is undoubtedly the best written post that I have read in a month of Sundays (or should I say Sunday Scribblings?) and had me LOL when I wasn't feeling properly indignant on behalf of either you or Mr. Petals. This describes so well the ambivalence of the human psyche! We humans are really all messed up inside, aren't we?

My advice: give him a big hug and say, "I'm glad you're being so honest with me, AREN'T YOU?!?!

Old Grizz said...

I think you are upset over the man V woman thing. I had a very deep love affair before I met my wife. I loved her dearly and still think about her. I write poetry about time we spent together but that is part of me. part of who I am. I have never told my wife about her or for that matter any other woman I have been with. she knows I had been around the block a few times. the details are not important, the fact that we have been married 30 years is. She appreciates the experience I brought with me. I would ask if you have never been with another or thought about another. I think his sharing with you is really an act of love and courage. He needs a hug not a kick in the ass.

anthonynorth said...

I'd been in love before I met my wife - so had she. Once you meet the right one, this past becomes pretty much irrelevant. I've been married 32 years and still I say, and from her hear, new things, often quite important in retrospect - it just didn't seem important beforehand.
I guess you need to focus on your time together, and judge him by that.

keith said...

I'm not best placed to comment on this one! Maybe he simply forgot about for 30 years and then it suddenly popped into his head in the bath!

Americanising Desi said...

i agree with anthony... totally!!!

you dont have to kill him!

at all!

will you take time out to read me?

Tale from the NEW side

gautami tripathy said...

How about boiling him in oil?!!!

ravens chase out thoughts from the mind

Sweetest in the Gale said...

I can understand your emotions, but from what you describe your man has been a loving and devoted husband for over 30 years. That's a wonderful gift! I completely understand your distress, and you have a right to feel it. But he sounds like a great man, and hopefully after a few days of letting thinks sink in, it will sit with you better. I think every wife and husband has parts of their earlier lives that they don't share out of respect and love for their mate. I loved your honest and heartfelt post!

Dee Martin said...

I think murder may be a bit extreme, though retail therapy might be called for in a big way. We women believe in disclosure, even when full disclosure on our part usually means after we put our spin on it. Men on the other hand seem to keep little chunks to themselves forever and never give it another thought. I think all those years of marriage means something and he probably thinks so too. I would still go for some retail therapy. Some things you can set a price on - for all else - there's mastercard :)

b said...

Listen to Granny...she is one wise woman. And please don't kill the man. You are going to need him around so you can be mad or hurt or confused for a while. You will of course have to let it go. He is a man and has no clue that he has upset you.

As for the rest of us that read this...we should learn from this that the "truth" is definitely NOT always the best answer. Somethings should never be revealed. Even if it comes from a former life. And we ALL have those.

b

linda may said...

Lucy Lucy. Oh boy, do I know how that feels. I have read in your posts before today how special you are to one another. The past is gone. You feel like that because you love him and you are angry and jealous that he could have loved someone else. But he is with you and is staying. Hey my 29th anniversary this year too, on 4th October.Almost wasn't especially when he was young and not a grown up yet, and do you remember what happened with us recently, I never can.I fell to pieces, but am healing, hopeful that it eventually goes out of my mind. When we girls love a man we want to have him all to ourselves or else! I understand.

Patois said...

You're one silly goose-y Lucy. Sorry, that's where I come down on it. More than 30 years ago and it's got your goat? How lucky you are.

2cats said...

Lucy,
Thiry years is really a very long time. ANd you said that you know he has been faithful. Give him a hug and tell him to NEVER disclose anything like this again.
We women only think we want to know it all. When actually we don't want to know anything.
I have been with my husband 23 years and married for 19 of them. I keep hearing about the ex-wives. I tell you disclosure is not all that it is cracked up to be.

ann said...

Mr. P. adores the ground you walk on and you have nothing to worry about in that department.

you are simply a hot-blooded, hot-headed Italian girl!

Lucy said...

first.. i need to tell all my favorite bloggers... THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for your comments and WISE advice!!
I can't believe I put this 'out there' but after reading everyones Similar advice (which I needed so badly) I am embarrassed that i was foolish enough to get SO (you are right ann) HOT headed and overly emotional about something SO long ago!!(can I blame this on menopause instead of stupidity?)
This is another reason Blogging Is such a wonderful resource... where else can you get 14 brilliant opinions in one place?
I so appreciate everyone taking the time to give me the clarity I needed!!
xoxo

Bobbie said...

He married YOU.
He stopped his travel around the "planet" for YOU.
YOU are the center of his world.
lol :)

I totally relate to your emotions, but I'd thank him for sharing that. He feels comfortable enough to tell you that. Lucky woman...you got a great guy! lol

I know...I'm way late to this one. Your story was a great read, brought a smile to my face. I hear ya lol. ♥

Daily Panic said...

i know what it is like to have your emotions so close to the surface all of your skin feels hot. The past that far back is the past, and he loves you.

Bone said...

Oh Lucy. *hugs* Guess I'm a little too late to be proffering advice. But I love that even when you're planning a possible "hit" you can still make me laugh.

Just consider this the perfect time to confess your torrid love affair with that bullfighter. What was his name? Eduardo Corrochio? :)

Giggles said...

Oh man how did I miss this meaty post....google reader has been overwhelming me...so I came straight to the blog...oh my!!! If they could only read our minds....oh my!!! haha!!The writing was excellent the issue...hot Lucy so hot!!! Sparked lots of stroking....as in (words to calm the woman thinking she has reason to feel scorned, when in actuality, he never married her and gave her three boys.......or did he? Just kidding!!Must have been the whiskey must have been the wine....remember that song?....yeah loose lips sink ships....shall I go on!!! Hot tub....wine..... warm day....memories...not a good combo Lu!!!

Love Ya Giggles

paisley said...

i agree that "affairs" of the body are much easier to accept than "affairs" of the heart.. being in love is ,, at least to me much more important than having had sex a with.. i too wonder why mr petals has never mentioned it,, but maybe he knows the difference too,, and just never wanted to hurt you ,, or make you feel like you are feeling now.. and he did that because he loves you!!! and that is the most important part.. he. loves. you.....

Tammy said...

I really missed a lot being a slacker on FB. You were in very good hands as far as advice goes but I understand your pain. It's over now so I hope you're celebrating your butt off.
Love you Luce!

forgetfulone said...

You have to share now. What was the big secret? Just that he was in love with someone before you? There's gotta be more to the story, and I wanna know! Send me a message on facebook that no one else can read or send me an email. Let's talk.