Saturday, December 05, 2009

Weird?

Sunday Scribblings I am so weird I don't know where to begin.
I also think many things are so weird I don't know where to begin. Like yesterday... A client had a 10 am appointment for a haircut.. (which is the same time she makes it EVERY month) She gets to my house at 10:15 and is just sitting in her car on the phone! Finally she makes her way in about 10:25 and I say.. Bernice your appointment was at 10 am. She laughs (a bit hysterically I must say) and says.. "You know what? I couldn't remember!! I thought it was 10 or 10:30?"
She never apologizes and when I suggested that she could always call me if she forgets.. She says..
"yeah I was going to call but I figured you are always so busy, why bother you" Weird?? hello!
So instead of bothering me with a call she just decides to screw up my schedule and Now I will be behind for the rest of my clients?? WEIRD! Speaking of Weird People...

I had to return a pair of shoes the other day... Trying to patiently wait my turn in the ridiculously busy store.. I started observing others. The horrors I saw!! Women acting like princesses while the slave shoe men brought them their choices. Salesmen trying to be professional while customers chatted on the phone and held their boxes out impatiently for the 'slave' to take them away.. What is happening to our society?? Weird?? No not really, disgusting. that's probably a better word for this weird example.
So how am I weird? Well, I am a bit compulsive about germs. It began for me WAY before all this hand sanitizing hysteria over the H1N1 virus. I drummed hand washing into my kids from EARLY on so they have always been in the habit of walking in the house and right to the sink to wash their hands. I promised my pal pepper i would reveal my weird but effective public restroom hand washing technique that allows me NOT to touch AnYthing!! So this is for Pep...
(and any other weirdo's who want to be OCD like me)
step one.. Use your elbow to dispense many paper towels. (if its not a push down lever and you need to turn the dial.. u can just use your hands since you will be washing them. ( i like the lever types)
step two...stick one large clump of paper towels under your arm pit
use another clump of the paper towels to turn on the water faucet
step three... lift towels again (without touching the bottom that touched the faucet) and
smash down on soap dispenser.
step four- apply soap,rub into hands and fingers (DOn't forget thumbs!)for 20 seconds.
step five.. rinse thoroughly(if it's one of those auto turn offs.. USE the towels to put it on again)
step six.. Use the armpit paper towels to thoroughly dry your hands AND use them to grab the sink towels and toss them AND to grab the door handle to the bathroom. (If you don't u may as well have NOT washed your hands at all.)
step seven.. (Yes there's more).. If there is No garbage pail near the door... sometimes you can hold it open with your hip and get the paper towel in the trash.. If not take it with you and leave it in the nearest garbage pail, or Put it in the plastic bag in your purse. (you DO have one don't you??!!)
BONUS WEIRDO TIPS.. tip 1 do all of the above with your purse on your shoulder Or hang it around your neck.. DON'T place it on the sink or on AnY thing in a public bathroom!! Also, don't lean your body on the sinks!
tip 2... Roll up your jeans before entering into the stall! this way they won't touch the floor when you pull down your pants! NEVER SIT! Always Hover and squat back (and please aim well) which is sometimes difficult if you have a purse around your neck and your coat hoisted up pushing your scarf up around your face. ( I hate when the hooks on the backs of the doors are missing) If you pee on the seat... You take enough toilet paper to totally cushion you from touching the bowl and wipe your mess up! ALWAYS FLUSH WITH YOUR FOOT!!
tip 3.. remember to unroll your jeans when you're all done going and before your wash up.. or Trust me! People look at you weirdly in the public bathroom (sometimes they look at me weirdly even when i Do remember to roll my pants legs down)
finally tip 4 If there are No paper towels in the bathroom, DO NOT bother using the sink with your bare hands.. instead resort to hand sanitizer which you should keep in your purse along with the baggie.
So there you have it.. I think I shouldn't reveal any more weird facts in one post. I didn't know where to begin but Now I know when I should end... Happy Hand Washing! Hope I've helped to keep you well all winter!



16 comments:

oldegg said...

Now that is not weird that is just common sense taken to the extreme.

Great advice.

linda may said...

You are precious. Lol. I don't go to those lengths but I do have a thing about touching the door handles after I wash my hands on the way out. Apart from the swine flu virus we really do need to come into contact with germs to build up a resistance to disease or we would be sick all the time.

Dee Martin said...

yikes - public restrooms freak me out too :)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

OMG I'm exhausted reading this. I usually just limit my fluid intake and don't go.

Catherine Denton said...

I'm a bit of a germ phobe myself. I chuckled through your instructions.

Giggles said...

The camel here!! I try to avoid them at all costs, otherwise I take precautions, but nothing like my little counterpart who has been doing most of your routine every since I can remember.....I didn't figure it out until she was about ten though....because she'd ask me to turn off the faucet and always wait for me to open the door.... another thing she always opens doors from the top or the bottom where most people never touch....she uses her back, and her feet to open things and she never touches a hand railing....EVER....WELCOME to the world of extreme and smart OCD!!! Hand sanitizer is everywhere, sans my Pepper!! She has bags, bandages, burts bees anti bacterial spray, polysporin you name it in her purse too!!! Since she was eight!!! Not weird, crazy....lol I must have wiped her a little too much when she was a baby, cause people still talk about all the outfits I carried in my diaper bag in case she got dirty!!

Hugs Giggles a giggling....funny fun post!! Love you for it!!!

Ally said...

Love the instructions. You are great-- and ever so cautious. Thx.

Linda Jacobs said...

I'm sitting here cracking up. You are too funny!

Skittles said...

I just stay home . =)

Tumblewords: said...

Yow! I hardly found anything weird. Hm.

Patois said...

Weirdo.

2cats said...

If you are going to wash your hands anyway why do you have to use paper towels to turn on the water, get the soap, and to retrieve some paper towels? I don't know but this may be more than weird.
I do do the elbow thing on the way out of the rest room. But on the way in?
HMM.

~Michelle~ said...

I love your weird post! Nice to know I'm not the only one out there with the public restroom hand washing routine! Cheers!

Skittles said...

Come see your prize from the caption contest. =)

Bone said...

Love the steps, Lucy. We're so similar.

My theory on exiting the premises: "While using your foot to hold the door open, put the paper towels in the trash can. If the trash can is located too far away, then just throw the paper towels towards it. If you miss, you miss. This is not your fault. It's their fault for putting the trash can too far away from the restroom door."

Lucy said...

haha Love all the comments! thanks!