Saturday, March 06, 2010

Baloney fluency

For the Sunday scribblings prompt... fluent. I want to repeat an older story about HOW fluent I've become in the art of bull shit.
Usually, In my profession, no matter how you are feeling or what is going wrong in your life.. If you want to keep your clients coming back, you need to put on a happy face and listen to and respond to all the bullshit that some people need to talk about, with MORE bullshit. Although your head may be pounding or your heart aching or your nerves shattered, you need to make their visit all about THEM. Lucky for me that of late, I am not faced with this dilemma TOO often. Most of my clients are well liked and friends as well, and the conversations are really enjoyable, very honest and sincere . A normal exchange of interesting topics, as well as Me sharing my life with them and No bullshit what so ever!

Oh, But though those days, when I am faced with my most challenging clients.... the B.S., like green mold, just keeps spreading. Today (while covered in mold) I thought... It's peculiar, but they never touched on the art of bullshit back in beauty school. They did warn- "never talk politics or religion with your clients!" (they may have warned about sex talk too, but that's the best topic in my place) Yet, the art of bullshit! Which I think is AS essential for any successful hairstylist to know as good haircutting, needs to be self-taught. I've become QuiTe fluent in this art after all my years of experience. What you need is a harmonious blend of courtesy, combined with common-sense, combined with a Big-Phony-Baloney-sense (and a strong stomach too). If I were to establish and teach B.S. 101, it would include daring challenges like .. how to handle self-absorbed, narcissistic,loquacious, rude people, who will expect you to listen to endless chatter about How difficult it is to get ready for their much needed upcoming trip to the bahamas. I would also hand out garlic to chew and place my students in mock situations, demonstrating how a client may ramble on with pointless bullshit for 45 minutes (With foul breath) about their son in laws relatives being horrible with blow by blow accounts of EVeRy situation with these horrible people. People you've never met, never hope to meet and could really give a shit about! The student hairdresser would be required to stand there on their tired legs, looking interested, convincingly shaking their head in disbelief or whatever gesture is appropriate and interjecting B.S. expressions like "OH No!" and 'That's terrible of them". Thereby mastering the performance of an attentive, caring listener who can also implement the art of an excellent haircut, all while feeling totally irritated, trapped and nauseated by the odor with a longing to sit down and a desire to give their clients tongue a good trim as well. That's what I would call a B.S. Pro! give that student an A+!

14 comments:

Stan Ski said...

My hairdresser is stone deaf, and very fast.

Thomma Lyn said...

Bwahahahaha! What a fun piece. *whew*, I don't think I'd make it as a hairdresser. And I'm cracking up at Stan's comment, too. :)

Dee Martin said...

Oh my, this cracked me up. I will be so aware the next time I get my hair cut :)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

we will even promote you to the next grade in BS

Forgetfulone said...

I couldn't get inspired by the prompt this week, or for the last few weeks, for that matter. But I love this! You definitely have to be skilled in the fine art of BS to work with the public!

Sleepy Kitty said...

Ah yes, the art of BS is essential in any work situation involving the lovely Public.

Thank you for making me smile... and for giving me the idea to send my lovely hairdresser a thank you card.

P.S. I'm the client that sits quietly and lets the hairdresser do what they want within reason. My instructions usually go 'keep most length and colour but otherwise, what do you think?'

Linda Jacobs said...

This is delightfully quirky! So entertaining and important! It's a skill I try to teach my students, too; it's very important when they don't know an answer to be able to bullshit their way through it.

Thanks for making me smile this morning!

Americanising Desi said...

G i love this!

appluad :D

Frantic Fluency

keiths bull******ing! said...

What a fantastic rant! There is of course another calling where BS is an invaluable asset - bar tending! That's where I learned the art!

Lilibeth said...

I feel sorry for you, haveing to listen to all that. It's the opposite with me. I always seem to get hairdressers who want to talk when they are cutting my hair. I would rather enjoy a few moments of quiet. Instead I have to listen to the story lines of the shows they watch. If I really cared about them, I'd watch them myself. There. That's off my chest. Did you listen to it? I guess I imposed on you again. Sorry.

TJ said...

love it.:)

Nara Malone said...

I'm headed for the hairdresser tomorrow. I usually can't think of a thing to say. I try to get them to tell me about their kids :)

linda may said...

You are precious Lucy, just what I needed to cheer me up girl.

Rinkly Rimes said...

You sound as though you'd had a bad day. I'd better behave myself!