Saturday, May 19, 2007

A squirrel tail

After reading Allys post about the "squirrel wars" in her neighborhood, I thought it would be fun to reminisce about our own squirrel war. More than 20 years ago, When I was pregnant for my middle son, our critter problem began. First it was bothersome squirrels but we actually graduated to ghoulish bats! We have a very old brick home. There must be many small openings in the rafters that squirrels were calling home sweet home. We would hear their nails scratching against the walls in the early morning. We would watch them play in our yard all day. Not a terrible problem we thought.
One day, my very handy husband decided he would put a new ceiling in our bathroom. Being a busy guy he had to do a little at a time, so the first stage was ripping down the old ceiling. For a few days I was told we would just have to look up at those old wooden beams. I am an easy wife... "No problem honey". Well, One day while he was away at work and I was sitting on the bowl, A little acorn fell at my feet. I looked up at the ceiling only to see Mr. Bristly Gray Squirrel peering down at me! Despite being 9 1/2 months pregnant, I Sprang off that seat and out the door, slamming it closed, faster than an olympic athlete.
So began my husbands crusade to rid our house, yard and toilet of all things furry and small. He began by going to the hardware store to buy "humane" traps. There he ran into.....guess who.... My obstetrician! Who after hearing the whole hysterical wife on the toilet story, said " And she STILL didn't have that baby???" ( my baby was a bit over his guesstimated due date) ( btw, he was ALSO buying squirrel traps)
So, EVERYDAY Grizzley ( that's what I called my husband during "the squirrel crusade" would set his little rectangular trap with our skippy peanut butter and hope when he returned from work he would be one squirrel closer to his goal. The next morning he would drive poor, scared, missing his family, little fellow to where ever he was working that day. The first few trips, the scariest part was opening that trap to let him out. After a while, he realized they just wanted to run free and not seek revenge. After a long time of trapping and transporting.... Grizzley was getting a little concerned... In my ears he sounded like this.... " Gee MAWW, We still got ourselves a lot of varmints owt dare, Maybe they all be comin back 'ere!"
( something about this crazy crusade made me think of hillbillies) So in your best hillbilly voice read the next thing he said...
" Im going to mark these squirrels, so I will know if they are the same ones I've already trapped, I hear Tell of these suckers finding there way back to their nests" ( of course he never said "hear tell" or "varmints" but he may as well have). So Grizzley would set the trap, use all my skippy up and YEP, after the little varmint was in there... He would quickly spray paint his tail. The funny thing is, instinctively they all turned away from him, giving him a perfect aim of their tails! Squirrel Momma's must teach their young how to invade homes, hunt for food as well as how to protect themselves from crazy men with cans of fuscia spray paint. I knew Grizzley had gone too far when One day, I get a call from a friend who lives across town. She can't stop laughing. She finally tells me.... " there is a squirrel with a hot pink tail looking in my window!! It must be One of yours" We laughed for days after that and Grizzley realized his crusade was too time consuming and too futile. The next winter the population had diminished greatly, but every once in a while my son still awakens to a faint scratching inside his walls. Soon, I will tell you the fun bat tale!

9 comments:

Lucy said...

thank you SO much Jenny, i didn't know my comment button was on Off. Hope to hear from those who tried and couldn't write. :)

spider said...

Hi Lucy,
Your squirrel story is the BEST! Even more so because it's true. Fuchsia-tailed squirrels are too much!!! You gotta enter this story in some contest, Lucy dear.

~Kathryn~ said...

i cant comment on your mask post -but i wanted to say ...

Everyone is guilty of it. We smile and shake hands and are gracious. Our true feelings turning our insides upside down, but We MUST be socially acceptable.
this is what i was trying to get across in my scribble ... its that whole 'fitting in' thing isn't it

thanks for dropping by my scribble

myrtle beached whale said...

I wanted to comment on your Mask post, but it wouldn't let me. I only had one comment, "Somebody Stop Me."

Ally Bean said...

"Squirrel Momma's must teach their young how to invade homes, hunt for food as well as how to protect themselves from crazy men with cans of fuscia spray paint."

lol. How incredibly funny. And bothersome I imagine.

[and look at this, the comments are working again!]

Lucy said...

blogger is making me crazy. First my preview option isn't working and now it keeps choosing don't allow comments. I hope it is on now. thanks everyone.

giggles said...

Yes Lucy your comments are on now! This is hilarious … I could visualize that squirrel peering down at you, the horror and shock as you hopped off that pot really pregnant...so funny. At least he used fuchsia, one of my favorite colors. If I was a squirrel it would have made me happy….wait a minute….hmmm I am a squirrel…. I better run before someone sprays me fuchsia!

Hugs from the purple Squirrel
See..... there are other grizzlies out there!!

Misplaced said...

This post was hilarious. I had a similar battle with raccoons but in never occurred to me to spray paint their butts pink. (actually, I'm kind of proud that the thought didn't occur to me- next time it will)

My comments keep switching off too- don't know why.

paisley said...

oh this was a good one lucy!!! i can't even imagine having squirrels in the house.. that would scare me as much as the mice do!!!

especially squirrels with hot pink tails!!!!LOL!!!!