Monday, January 22, 2007

fantasy

Like most women, I find shopping for a dressy dress almost as torturous as the dreaded bathing suit search. However, Yesterday my shopping experience was terrifying. I finally found a dress I liked. They didn't have my size. The saleswoman suggested I try the dress anyway, If I liked it, they could order my size. Fine. The pickings were so slim, Even though I knew this dress was probably one or two sizes too small, I decided to forge ahead. I entered the the desolate hallway that housed 3 small fun house mirrored boxes. In my foolish haste, I forced this tiny beaded contender over my crazed (apparently) Large head. I squirmed and shimmied and shoved and pulled. I got it over my huge head and managed to strangle my raised arms as well. That was it. I was stuck like that. Panic struck. I wanted to call out for help but the glimpse of my bikini underwear barely on ,while a beaded straight jacket covered my head and arms, was too embarrassing to draw attention to. The mental image (or in this case - fantasy) was clear and frightening. The firemen are called- they need the jaws of life to remove the assailant. I am left in my bright orange (too small) bikinis, battered, bruised, breathless (bra-less) and totally mortified. BUT- The handsome fireman (who axed the door down)gives a sexy smile & his bright yellow jacket to cover my flustered, perspired body.
Even though the fantasy of him eases my panic a smidge- I know I need to do this on my own. Miraculously, through my one eye that isn't enshrouded in material- I spy a Zipper! Oh my God, this dress had a zipper? I manage to reach it and pull just enough to get a whole hand out. I escape! Let me tell you though, For Five LONG minutes I didn't think I would without ripping that (fantasy sized) bully in two.

10 comments:

deirdre said...

This is so perfect! I'm laughing because it's happened to me too. Oh, the panic. So...did you order the dress in your size?

Ally Bean said...

lol. I can see that happening to me. Shopping for clothes sucks.

J said...

I've been stuck in exactly that position before, not realizing there's a zipper. I think for future reference, if you can't get it over your head easily, even if it's two sizes too small, look for a zipper. ;)

I wish, though, that when it happened to me, I had enjoyed the fireman fantasy. Mine was more like the horror of them finding me passed out on the floor like that, and taking me out on a stretcher without bothering to cover up my nethers.

Jo said...

OMG... that is so funny! Finding a dress that fits perfectly is worth alot, but getting out of a too-small dress tht you're stuck in.... priceless!

Misplaced said...

That is hilarious!
Thanks for the laugh.

rubyslippers said...

great story. i can totally relate!!

JourneyThroughLIfe said...

So Funny! I'm still laughing. Sadly, insanely, hilariously true. How wonderful to have brought a sense of humour to a situation we have all been in and dread! Puts it all in its rightful place!

spider said...

I think there's not many women alive who've not been in the same predicament.
You're writing had me cracking up long after I turned off the computer.

Jane said...

Hi Lucy! Go over to my blog. I've tagged you to write 5 things that put a smile on your face this week :))

Just Jen said...

bwahahahaha...glad you recycled this one! ROFLLMHO!