Thursday, December 18, 2008

Did u EVER?

Did you ever feel like Christmas just isn't what it used to be? This used to be one of my favorite holidays. Something feels so different. There used to be this gigantic build up of excitement. The excitement in getting the house decorated and the cookies baked and making plans to visit friends. Now, everything feels like just another overwhelming chore for an overworked, underpaid elf-mom. I guess I have to blame my kids. They used to get so excited and that fueled this crazy elf to work her butt off, night and day to pull off another ideal Christmas season. Last year as I decorated our home I asked them to carry the Christmas bins in the house from the garage, One by one, my sons kept shooting me 'the look' . The look with their big Scroogelike eyes that said..." aRe u CRaZZy? what the hell do we need all these bins of decorations for??" I felt I got resistance every step of the way. Frustrated by their indifference, I did away with our Tradition of them getting new pajamas on Christmas Eve. ( their stunned faces that there were NO pjs, pierced my pissed off heart!)
This year, The tree went up later than usual. Every night, everybody had plans and No one was able to get together to decorate this poor thing. So Finally, One night, With an empty house, A full wine glass, and That damn James taylors moving voice, moving me to ridiculous tears, I decorated my tree all alone for the first time ever. With each ornament there was a reminder of the years past. AWW, The ernie and Bert that My eldest loved! The thomas train that my youngest adored. And My middle sons simpsons characters. Why would hanging Marge simpson on a Christmas tree move a grown woman to sob? SO pathetic!! Ernie and Bert affected me the most. I had to get the tissue box. About 21 years ago, while shopping with my then three year old son and husband at the mall, we ran into our close friend Aunt Mare. She 'borrowed' my son from us, took him to Macys and he returned with these precious Ernie and Bert characters in his sweet little hands, that He had PROUDLY picked out and that He has placed on our tree each year since.
I of course really don't 'blame' my kids. They are getting older and It is so normal that they are losing interest in some of the traditions that they treasured as children. (but I am not getting older. In fact, after reading this I think i am more immature than ever! ) I am missing the magic. Which makes me wonder if that is why God invented grandkids? Someday, That magic feeling may return and Ernie and Bert will be passed down to a new set of sweet little hands.
One thing I do know, No matter how much they declare that they don't need this and don't care about that. They DO love getting those pjs and They will be wearing them this Christmas morning.
So, did u ever feel like this?


Bone said...

Aww, Lucy. I'm sorry.

Christmas feels different to me this year, too. I'm not sure what it is. Not as many people around here have put up Christmas lights. And it seems to be getting here faster than ever.

I still haven't decorated my tree. It has lights, but I can't seem to find time to put on the ornaments.

I bet your kids will miss those Christmas traditions some day soon, when they get a bit older.

Mistress Meeyee said...

Honey,I know what you are feeling.I have felt this way the past few Christmases since my grandparents died.They helped raise me since I was 6months old and its just no fun without them.Christmas makes my heart heavy.

Tammy said...

I feel you Lucy. Ever since the kids hit puberty and I was divorced, the thrill was gone. Gratitude and exGrandkids bring it back but you try to not make the same mistake twice by over doing. I'm the cheap grandma now, but fun anyway. ;)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Sadly a lot of people are feeling this way. Children do bring the magic in good times and bad. I find christmas exhausting this year.

quitecontrary1977 said...

It is all a chore with out the giddiness of little ones. Christmas hadn't been fun since I was 12, until this year when my daughter was old enough to take delight in all the lights and gifts. Why not just get it over with.. just give them gift cards and focus on your energy on new traditions like picking out toys for toys for tots together or making cookies as a family to give to neighbors. Then just bide your time until your have grandkids!

gel said...

Hugs, to you. Yes, I feel it. Kids, hubby, friends don't mean to, but it sure is heartwrenching to feel lonely during special times.

Memories can warm the heart as well as let those tears flow. Here's to future joyous memories!

forgetfulone said...

I know, to an extent, how you're feeling. My husband has zero Christmas spirit. He loathes decorating, but he does it for me and the kids. I love having a house full of decorations and lights on the house. I love having the tree. I love Christmas music. I could listen to it year-round.

But, every year, it seems like Christmas day is sort of a let-down. The 12 year olds still get excited, and I love seeing that, but every year, after all is said and done, it sort of feels like, "that's all there is?" "That's it?"

I don't know how to explain it, but it's not like when they were little. And I do get sentimental, but it's hard when you live with someone who really doesn't care.