Thursday, March 15, 2007

Expectations

Do you have high expectations in relationships? Yesterday I did a lot of talking about this with my mil and later on with some friends. I am still feeling the effects of a recent relationship upset. As a matter of fact, I feel heartbroken. We were discussing how often people give up on other people because of disappointment and hurt. We all expect certain things from certain relationships. We all have needs, desires and raise the expectation bar accordingly. We all however, Are not mind readers. Communication is the core of any good relationship. We can't know what a friend or loved one is expecting from us, or needing from us if they don't give us a clue. Yesterday I questioned if it is more likely that someone with a very small circle of friends and family would Need more from those few people. Where as someone who is surrounded by many family members, friends and acquaintances, may not expect as much, because she is being fulfilled and kept busy by many. A therapist once told me, expect nothing from everyone. Then, even the smallest gesture will make you happy. If you find your self disappointed a lot, you may need to take that advice too. Lower expectations. ( SNL, skit, No?) In this situation, I am not the one with the high expectations. I am disappointed not because I expected something from this someone. I am heartbroken and disappointed because apparently she had high expectations which she failed to communicate clearly. Instead of working it out as one would with someone you care for, she chose first, to be cold, then vicious. She chose to attack. I would NEVER have done this to her. I would NEVER have been so offensive and cruel. Letting emotions build and build, I guess would be the reason for such an eruption. Actually, after reading this back, I guess I too had high expectations. I expected that after being in each others lives for so long, she would care about throwing our relationship away. It's so crushing to realize how wrong you were about someone. It's also so crushing to know you weren't as loved as you so confidently thought you were. They say time heals and I am counting on that to help me spend less time dwelling on this weighty emotional drama. Counting on forgiving and forgetting and hopefully getting to a place where we can still be in each others lives.

9 comments:

ann said...

you are a thoughtful, generous and open person Lu. I hope this situation works out the way you would like.

Lyn said...

time heals all wounds? I think time wounds all heels.

things happen for a reason,girlie.

:)

spider said...

Lucy,
I'm just sorry for the pain you are presently suffering. Wishing for your days to be brightened with sunshine and peace again.

Mary said...

I think a lot of friendships are like that, though. Well, the unhealthy ones, and the ones that are more likely to end. Communication is key. I have to remind myself that in my relationship with my boyfriend that I can be extra needy and have high expectations. And it is because I have a very small (and highly dysfunctional) family. Luckily, I have established a strong cadre of friends, too. At least, after 6 years, I have realized that I can be needy and what not. At least I realize it and we talk about it.

I'm sorry about your friend. Her loss, not yours.

Kimberley McGill said...

Ouch! I hope healing begins soon.

Speedy Chick said...

Ohhh...My Heart aches for you. I know how you feel more than I care to even think about. I believe that when people, even friends, use cruel words that they stay in your heart forever. The trick is to not let it harden your heart.

Liza's Eyeview said...

very good words...full of wisdom. Thank you for the reminders.

Speedy Chick said...

Lucy I'm not really sure where I should answer your questions (on your blog or mine) I will here because I think you are more likely to see it. These blogs are nice but they sure make it difficult to communicate back and forth. They should have a built in message centre for conversation. I a a graphic designer for a textile printing company and my darling Little Speedy (aptly named) will be 3 in April.

giggles said...

Hey Lucy can you please send me an email address, yours doesn't show up properly on your profile. I have a long reply to this post that I don't want public. Go to my profile and click for my email addy!

Thanks Sherrie