48 can be great

Tomorrow I turn 48. I am not so bothered by this number as I have been with some in the past. 40 was a difficult one. I was so overwhelmed by that number approaching, that I didn't enjoy 39 enough. I never said I was 39, I'd say.. I'm going to be 40! How silly I was. It is only a number. I thank god each day that I feel good that I feel happy( well, except for one problem) and most importantly my family and I are healthy. Too many young women like me are dealing with unthinkable illnesses.
I am looking at tomorrow like we look at New years day. I want to start over again. Make some resolutions, be a better me.
I've been reading a great little book about communication. The sister of a client wrote it. I have already made some changes by reading this helpful book. The author gives 6 great questions we should ask ourselves before we speak. Did you peek at them yet? Well, if not # 3 is "Where will my words get me?" This one has changed me into a quieter Lucy! So often I will tell my husband stories of things clients or friends have said to me that have pissed me off. When I stop and ask-Where will my words get me? I know they will just make my husband dislike that person. SO, #6- Why must I say it at all? Well, because I like to vent to my best friend, But Instead I've been venting to a friend who doesn't know the other person. ( blogging about annoyances could be another way of venting) I've always considered myself a good communicator, but this is helping me be a better communicator.
Another resolution I have this NEW year, is I want to be a better listener. I had an older client the other day, tell me how much she missed her Mom. She said her mom was such a great listener, Not only to the important things her kids had to say, but the trivial as well. She missed being able to ramble on about the little things in life and have someone listen with sincere, caring, interest. She was so moved by this loving trait. I started questioning my own listening skills. It seems like lately every time one of my boys wants to tell me something trivial, I am in the middle of a task, harried by life, running off to work or on that damn phone. ( can you see the phone?)
Yesterday, My health ins. Co. finally called me back about a question I had. My son was in the middle of telling me something important to him. As important as it was that I resolve the insurance problem, I picked up, got her number and extension and told her I would call her back. ( With these frustrating companies this is taking a chance of never speaking to a human associate again). I felt good. It was a good decision and I was able to give him my full attention again. I could tell he was relieved, He didn't want to stop his stories momentum.
The ironic thing is my clients would tell you, I'm a very good listener. As a matter of fact, I was so emotional this week by how many lovely women remembered it was my birthday and sent me beautiful cards saying, they look forward to their appointments. Saying, they think I'm special. I am a big mush and am very touched by these warm gestures. I can't believe they even remembered the date.
Last but in no way least, I have a huge problem I NEED to resolve in my 48th year. I need to try and mend a broken relationship. I need to fix my broken heart. Seven Long months ago, I had a falling out or maybe it was a miscommunication with a very important person in my life. I need to figure out a way to make things right between us. I fear the feeling isn't mutual, and I think if that is true, I won't be able to handle the emotional pain. I think that fear is what is holding me back from confrontation. I have to face the fact that the heartache I have is just as bad as that outcome would be. At least with trying I will Know where I stand. So,( as Dr. Seuss would say it-) I know If I want my 48th year to be great, I must first conquer my fear and face our fate.
Hey! thanks for being such a good listener! :)