Saturday, August 04, 2007

decisions

Decisions, Decisions... Some can be mind boggling. Some are no brainers. Some have devastating consequences. Some are the best decisions you've ever made. 16 years ago, after struggling for many months with a desire, I made one of those best decisions.
After being fortunate enough to have two healthy children, we decided our family was complete. Several years later, as my two great guys grew, I began to get a stirring deep down in my heart. I loved my family very much, yet I felt it wasn't complete. I remember my heart feeling heavy, with the yearning and love to raise another child.
Financially, I didn't think it was wise to take on the expense that comes automatically with having more kids. My husband was working like a lunatic to make ends meet.( and if your read the last post... NO it wasn't because of my shoe habit!)
Living on Long Island is ridiculously expensive and we had considered moving several times through our marriage, circumstances never seemed right. So we struggled on... The yearning grew. I didn't want to even burden my husband with the strong maternal desire that I was fighting. So what does a girl do? Right... You turn to your girlfriends. One dear friend who had already had four kids, Wisely said "my mom said you can always stretch the soup, giving your children a sibling is the best gift you can give". Another dear and also wise friend said " I don't think you should put that kind of pressure on your husband, As it is things are difficult" And last but not least my other dear friend said Out right " ARe YOU F___ing CRAZY? Your boys are 7 and 4, soon Life will be even easier, Why the hell do you want to strap yourself down with another baby? haha - Don't you just LOVE her honesty?? I loved it, Yet...
I listened to my heart and friend # one. My poor tired over worked husband was ecstatic by my desire. He had always wanted a big family. He said The hell with practicality and money. Let's have a baby!
Most people think because of the age difference( 8 yrs. between 1st and 3rd) our youngest must have been a happy little accident. I recently told him this story. He was so planned and so desired and he was one of the best decisions we had ever made.
I read an article after he was born, a study showed that what #child you were dictates how many children you feel completes your family. I though it was interesting because I am # 3 and I KNEW my family wasn't whole without a # 3.
Speaking of #3.... That third girlfriend.... Felt SO terrible about her advice after she fell in love with our little guy, She has NEVER forgotten one of his birthdays. She often jokes... Thank god you didn't listen to me. You know what else? I still seem to have extra soup in our pot. You know what else? These last nearly 15 years with him HAS been the best gift to all of us.
If you decide to read more decison stories click HERE

5 comments:

Remiman said...

Lucy,
What a great story! Gut felt decisions usually turn out to be the best for us.
Our baby turned 30 on the 2nd of August his older sister will turn 40 in feb. His brother turned 35 in july.
Check out Erma Bombecks 1971 article; I always loved you best! If you haven't already. ;-)
http://pciyrtpy.blogspot.com/2006/10/this-erma-bombeck-column-originally.html

Tammy said...

Hi Lucy!
That was a wonderful story and I agree with your first friend. Great picture! HUGS

spider said...

Oh Lucy,
What a beautiful, poignant story. And look at those gorgeous fellas of your's! Thank you for sharing all that you do.

deirdre said...

My grandmother (who had 17 kids) always said that each child brings its' own love into the world. Somehow ends meet and things get figured out. BTW, my youngest sister is 16 years younger than I am. It was wonderful having that sweet little girl during those teenage years.

giggles said...

Lucy I am so glad you made that wise decision. What an amazing dad! This story is such a beautiful gift to your child. Bryan’s mom has 10 kids and I can't image the world without even one of them! She did stretch her pot...and now we are all so fortunate they are here....Pepper will one day have six brothers and 3 sisters! The girls already call her a sister! I feel so grateful! What precious boys, indeed a great blessing! Children are a such a special gift! Even when they argue about the boxes!! Haha!

Love and hugs Sherrie