Saturday, July 12, 2008

my oldest friend

The song playing always brings her to mind.
I recently ran into my oldest childhood friend at the Italian market. My friend Linda only lives about 10 minutes from me. We still email occasionally.
We have only intentionally met up a couple of times for a lunch in the past 20 years. I still send her a birthday card each year.
Yet, We were not only inseparable as children we were also blood sisters. Remember that Pre-HIV ritual that kids would partake in to confirm their bond of sisterhood? Linda and I met when we were in Kindergarden. Mrs. Woods' class. We didn't get friendly outside of school until the 2nd grade, when Our moms began working together and discovered their girls were in the same Class. ( Mrs. Masucci's class!) We quickly became best friends as did our Moms. Each weekend I would sleep over at her house. She had the 'fun' neighborhood, full of kids around our age. Looking forward to each weekend helped me get through some difficult times in my own family life. In high school, I began living with her and her parents. My own Mom was going through some tough times and this arrangement made everyone happy. I don't know how it happened, but when I decided two years later that I wanted to move back home to my Moms home, everything fell apart. Linda's mom freaked out... calling me ( at only 16 years old) ' A fair weather friend'. ( They had had two deaths in their extended family). I was heart broken to lose my '2nd family' and more heartbroken to know that Linda was not suppose to talk to me. Even though she tried to respect her Moms wishes... In school during lunch period, we just had to sit together and chat and try thinking of ways to make our families bond again. As a grown woman, When I looked back on this entire situation years later... I realized her Mom was going through her own traumatic difficulties which I know affected how she looked at the simple, harmless request of a child.

( I have a vivid painful memory of receiving the card I sent her for mothers day ripped into many pieces and mailed back to me, MY mother declared her insane) The trauma of her rejection added so much to what I was already going through at that time. Linda, being an only child, was devastated by our forced separation. It is so unfortunate that we couldn't find a way to remain close friends. We went our separate ways only a few minutes down the same avenue. Each time I run into her my heart fills with warmth and it fills with a mournfulness over the wonderful times we missed out on in each other's lives and the lives of our children.
I don't think we could ever be as close as we were as kids (for too many reasons too complicated to discuss) but like she said to my son at that market recently about her oldest friend....." It doesn't matter how many years pass, each time we see each other I still feel like we're best friends". I love you too Linda and I feel the same way about you. ♥


If this sounds familiar I am reusing a story I wrote a few months back because it fit so well with the sunday scribblings prompt
Often when you've read about my childhood, you may remember...... Linda in the stories

20 comments:

keithsramblings said...

That's such a moving and sad story. I don't know how you managed to write it down but I'm so glad you did.

Lilibeth said...

It sounds like your friendship was more mature than your parents. Sorry. I'm glad you remained friends.

rebecca said...

i like your last line. that says it all.

forgetfulone said...

Poignant. Eloquent. Lucy, you have way more writing talent than you credit yourself for, and not only that, you have honesty. I enjoyed this piece, and I went back and read two of your others from 2007. Excellent!

~Michelle~ said...

This is so sweet and sad at the same time.

Giggles said...

I hope Linda one day gets to read this very touching story. Her mother was abusive sending that card back in pieces. That's just mean! I can't understand people like that. So sorry your life was such a struggle back then. Thankfully your kids never had to endure such sadness!

Hugs Sherrie

Just Jen said...

I have a best friend from kindergarten too! My friend has been there through thick and thin! I should call her, she hasn't emailed in 2 weeks and I worry...

anthonynorth said...

An incredible story. Moving. And it's so good you can still connect, if only occasionally seeing each other.

Linda Jacobs said...

This relly tugged at my heart strings! it is so well-written and full of honest feelings. Does Linda read your blog?

Amarettogirl said...

THis was really touching for me - since I have gone through a similar situation -still very different - main similarity is that there were those with whom I was so deeply close and connected to as a youngster that now we can't seem to be for reasons that hold other people as the cause, or excuses that reveal meaner incentives. I guess thas why I haven't come around to posting an SS yet this week...mayeb later today - I'll find my oldest friend.

Amarettogirl said...

Ok So you inspired me - I'm so sorry about the length...here is my final answer to who my oldest friend is...just click my name.

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

Love how the photo goes with your memoir.

Blessings,
Linda
INTEGRITY, at NICKERS AND INK

Michelle said...

It's sad sometimes, the way it goes with friends. You could be BFF's growing up only to drift apart in adulthood. People change. Life happens. Friends move on. I miss some of my old friends from the good ol' days... your blog reminded me how much!

danni said...

you were able to create and carry away some wonderful memories from this friendship - i can tell from the powerful way that you write about it --- very touching post!!!

WriterBug said...

What a beautiful story. And while there is certainly some sadness in it, how lovely it is that you can genuinely feel for your oldest friend even though you don't see each other often. That's really great. (And I grew up on L.I.! W. Hempstead, to be exact.)

JP/deb said...

You are a natural born storyteller Lucy. Thanks for sharing this. xx, JP/deb

Tammy said...

That's such a shame Lucy. Linda's mom really tore many relationships apart. I wonder if she regrets it now. She will always be your blood sister. :) XXOO

Bone said...

Wow. A grown woman sending a ripped up Mother's Day card to a 16 year old child? Wow.

It's good you and Linda were able to remain friends, albeit from afar.

Blood brothers! I'd forgotten about that. I had no idea girls did that, too.

Daily Panic said...

Lucy, at least you know the reasons your relationship fell apart and you deal with it. Time really doesn't heal all wounds, it just reminds us of mistakes that were made. It's good that you can still treat eachother like family- even though you don't agree with the other person, you can't change what they are to you.
I too miss the escape my BFF and I had as kids, I don't have that now, and wish I had it back. ((hugs))

Skittles said...

Awwwww.. I'm sorry I called her a poopy-butt. It was her mom. OOPS.. I don't mean that either. It was a combination of things that affected your friendship.

I had a long time friend too, Lucy. I met her the first day I went to fifth grade mid school year. I was ten years old and after my dad died I had to go live at my mom's house. I did not want to go there cuz that was where the evil stepdad was.

Mary asked if she could borrow a pencil and I had come prepared with about twenty. :P We were together until I moved to Michigan in 1978 and my son was three years old.

During most of our teens years we had to sneak to see each other cuz my mom thought she was a bad influence and her mom thought the same about me.

We wrote back and forth after after I moved but it got less and less and eventually stopped. We lost touch with each other.

Then some time after I started the blog, I posted that I would like to find her again. I said her name, birthday and where she lived the last time I'd known where she was. Someone did a people search and found her mom who I called. She got my phone number to Mary.

Mary called a few times and after we did the "remember when" stuff we really didn't have much in common any longer. She still drops by my blog about once a year to see how things have been.

I will never forget how important she was to me back then though.