Friday, May 02, 2008

Family Lost = Family Found

FAMILY. The word alone makes me mushy with love and pride. The family my husband and I have created is our world. It's what I had always dreamed about as a young girl, coming from a very small, unconventional family. I think this ferocious desire for a close family started as young as three years old. The year my dad died. Most everyone I knew in suburbia had the traditional Mom and Dad family. Many little kids were astonished to find out, My family had kids and only.. a Mom! There were times I felt my identity was that of a fatherless child. My mothers extended family wasn't large, so we didn't socialize with many relatives. To make matters worse, my fathers family abandoned us after he had died. As a young child, I didn't even realize they were missing from my life. As I got older, I started to question it. How in the world did his parents and siblings just wipe us out after he was gone? As an adult, I can't imagine this. After the funeral, they hopped in their cars and headed back to brooklyn, leaving long island and their blood in the exhaust fumes. Allowing us to try to pick up the pieces on our own. My mom has no idea why they became so distant. I've assumed that maybe they hated my mom, maybe they were heartless and ignorant. Maybe, we were too painful a reminder of my father. No matter my imaginings, I still find it bizarre, totally cold and unloving. How do grandparents turn their backs on three grandkids under age 12? What ever their reasons... I thank them. Their relinquishment is partly responsible for the ferocious drive I had to create the kind of family I had always yearned for myself. There Coldheartedness aided in making me, the caring, unconditional loving mom, That is NOW my very proud identity. I felt determined from a young age to someday have children, a family of my very own. This intense desire actually prevented me from taking the risks that many of my generation were taking. In the back of my mind I would always think... No, this is unsafe and may hurt my chances of having children.
My husband and I are so happy that we've provided a strong family unit for our 3 very wanted, adored children. Through the years, the family life we started with and imagined would continue has had many ups and downs, many curve balls that could easily have weakened our strong family link. When my eldest was only 12, my middle son 9 and my youngest 3 (coincidentally the ages my siblings and I were when my dad passed away ) my husband had a serious injury and was out of work for a year. I had to stop being a 'stay at home' mom and start working again. The love and support we had always given to our kids must have been a powerful example because their loving qualities really blazed to the surface. They became amazingly understanding and supportive through that awful year. My oldest son asked if he could start a car washing business with his 9 year old brother, so they could help us pay the bills. They were also my husbands 'hands' as my husband verbally guided them through daily chores like preparing dinner, cleaning and helping with the baby. It was rough for many years after his injury, but We are a family. A family needs to sticks together through thick and thin, good times and bad. We now also look at this particular part of those rough years.. with Thanks. If not for the face of adversity, we may never have been able to witness the astonishing character and inner strength that emerged from very young boys, our boys...Our treasured Family.

In this pic.our boys are approximately 14, 11, and 6 years old.
Wonderful topic Sunday Scribblings!
Thanks writers island for the great noun and adjective that helped me express myself a little better!

20 comments:

giggles said...

As usual Lucy you have managed to RIP my emotions from my soul and leave me in tears! What a poignant and loving post. A wonderful tribute to what true family love stands for! I am so happy that you managed to build such a terrific life out of the ashes of childhood! You are truly an amazing woman, mother and wife Ms Lucy lulu Petals. Thats why I adore you so!

Love and hugs
your friend Sherrie

anthonynorth said...

A very emotional piece. It is often the case that those from troubled families make the best for their new family.
Strange how the best can arise from the worst.

keith hillman said...

One can't help but wonder what would have happened had things been different all those years ago.
What a wonderful family you have.
Your pride shows through your words.

paisley said...

there you go again... just another example of how i can live a life vicariously thru you.. this was touching and full of strength and love.....

Greyscale Territory said...

What a wonderful celebration of what family can really be all about. It is not the fact you suffer; it is how you deal with suffering and emerge triumphant.

Gemma

Granny Smith said...

I am glad for you that you are so triumphantly living the life you dreamed of. Your family is beautiful.

Tammy said...

Lucy, you not only made your dream come true you did a fabulous job! Very moving story warrior mom. :)

XXOO

Just Jen said...

Lucky Lucy, better than ever! You learned from your past and made your present better, you go girl!
funny how nowadays its no big deal to just have a mom...times have changed, you are the minority with a hubby :D
I knew we got a long for a reason...all those boys...LOL

daisies said...

i love it when dreams come true and you living your dream makes my heart smile, it couldn't have happened to a nicer person, smooches!!

have a beautiful weekend with your family, xo

Remiman said...

Lucy,
I'm not surprised that you've suceeded in bring your dream to reality. You have good Karma!
rel

Robin said...

What a powerful piece, moving from what a family shouldn't be all the way to the other extreme of the type of family we should all strive for.

You must be very, very proud of what you've created.

Devil Mood said...

You definitely deserve to have such a wonderful family, Lucy and you did it, with determination and your desire. Congratulations :)

gautami tripathy said...

Children are the best things that happen to us.

You are blessed to have such a loving family.

dog and (wo)man

myrtle beached whale said...

This comment might get lost in all the multitudes but I thought your post was very powerful. People with your background can go either way. You took the right path. I have seen lots of others dancing on poles. You have a nice looking family.

jadey said...

It is wonderful that you realized just how important family is from a very young age. I am so happy to hear that you and your family are a very close unit that is so special and they will always be there for you through the good and bad times.

forgetfulone said...

Looks like such a happy family! And the words you choose were just right to express your feelings about family. I'm glad you shared this.
Diana

latree said...

what a wonderful story. It's fabulous how the pain you got by being left by your dad's family have given you a big dream to have a strong family ties, and not brought you to ignorance, that I thought might happened to someone else as a revenge.
I hope your family will always be happy.

Rambler said...

thank you so much for sharing this..I really have no words...just wish your family all the best ..

susiej said...

This was just lovely Lucy... through thick and thin, love is clear in your family.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

We were on the same page with this one :-)

I love how you took adversity and let it strengthen your resolve.

xx, JP/deb