Wednesday, August 06, 2008

monkey-mouth and me


Have you ever wondered why we all get wrinkles in different places?? Some women get a million crows feet around their eyes, while others have a few vertical lines along their cheeks. Nora Ephron wrote a whole book about hating her wrinkly neck. So far, My neck isn't troubling me. I have many laugh lines around my eyes and On my lids, and even though there are more it seems each day.. At this particular time ,THEY aren't troubling me either. What is really troubling me and what I should consider writing a book about, are the little wrinkles around my mouth. I've already named my prospective wrinkly book. It would be called "Monkey mouth and Me." My theory (perhaps revealed in chapter 4) as to WHY our wrinkles are developing in different areas? SLEEP Postitions! If you, like me, prefer to always sleep a particular way.. Check out the various ways it may be affecting you. For instance... I ALWAYS sleep on my side, My chubby cheeks are smashed against my pillow and they Are embedding these wrinkles around my mouth. (try it and see what i mean).
I also tend to sleep on my right side, so not only are those wrinkles around the mouth deeper, There is also a new wrinkle (from the fat fold of my cheek) near my nose! I have also noticed that my hair is thinner on the right side, Proving my books theory!
For many nights, I've unsuccessfully tried to fall asleep on my back. THIS position is the one beauty queens have perfected, I guarantee you! Nothing being squished for 8 hours straight,It is a great way to stay younger looking. Remember your mothers warnings?? DON'T make that face or you'll stay that way! (The older we get, aren't we finding out our Moms WERE always right with their crazy warnings?? ex. clean underwear, chicken soup, hand washing, crazy Uncle Willie) Anyway...
Speaking of mothers, Mine doesn't have monkey mouth,and she DOES sleep on her back. Proving again, Sleep positions NOT genetics!

Two years ago, my husband saw a Chinese Dr./acupuncturist to quit smoking. Besides sticking needles in your ears, He is also an internist AND He also had many signs around his office for various wrinkle procedures. I can't imagine WHO would go to this guy for plastic surgery instead of a specialist? I decided to just ask him a question about one of the advertisements in his waiting room.
Like any good snake oil salesman, he quickly invited me to sit in the exam chair. I Pointed to my monkey mouth. First he asked me- "DO you smoke?"(no) Then He seriously asked in his broken english- "Do you do a lot of blowing on something?"
My husband literally fell off his chair trying to hold back the laughter. I then felt a bit embarrassed but who knows?.. Maybe, I look like a natural trumpet player or something? I can't even remember what he suggested, the truth is, even if I could afford a procedure.. I don't think I would be able to go through with it. I remember making an idle comment once that I should have surgery for my wrinkly laugh lines. My eldest son said, Mom.. Each of those lines represents how much you've smiled in your life, why would you want them to go unnoticed? I think he may be right.We have to attempt to become comfortable with the changes that occur in our bodies and faces. Maybe even so far as to be proud of them. Those changes are all a part of our histories, a part of who we are.Don't you think It's our inner beauty that truly matters most? In that way, We can control How eternally beautiful we are. It's up to each of us. So when you see someone with monkey-mouth, Don't make chimp sounds behind their back,instead..remember my theory and think how lucky they are to have had many peaceful nights of deep sleep.

visit 3 ww
million
time
unnoticed

16 comments:

Just Jen said...

LOL
do you do a lot of blowing...ROFL
how do you get yourself into these positions?
I just photoshop, it's free...ROFL

TC said...

I love the name of your future book :)

And re: doing a lot of blowing - ROFL. Hilarious! I can't believe your husband managed to not let it fly! :-D

I say be proud of your wrinkles and laugh lines: they mean you were happy.

For me, it's gray hair that bothers me: I feel way too young for it, but it obviously doesn't think so. And it's not like it shows I had a fun life! ;)

Deirdre said...

You made me laugh out loud this morning. Thank you.

I've discovered the perfect and most effective beauty secret - I look in the mirror less often. And my eyesight is as good as it used to be. Out of sight, out of mind.

Molly said...

Came over via Mary. That is hilarious and I think I would definitely have had to look at my husband and say "I knew it! All those blow jobs are giving me wrinkles!" just to see the reaction of the "doctor".

anthonynorth said...

Loved this. As for me, I was born with wrinkles. I guess I'm stuck with them.

Linda Jacobs said...

Oh, this is a riot, Lucy! I know I can't believe how many I have but they are all evidence of laughter...a good thing!

quitecontrary1977 said...

You totally won Now Entering Momville's Reader's Choice for best blog! yay for you! Now come on by and enter the giveaway for the designer purse!!

http:/nowenteringmomville.blogspot.com

Joyce said...

Your story really had me laughing, Lucy. I must be of the same vintage as you. :P

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I'm just happy the skinny ones seem to wrinkle easier than us fat chicks.

pjd said...

I agree with your son. Embrace your uniquenesses. OK, bald ain't unique, but I keep trying to convince people that we should all wear more hats.

Tammy said...

You are too funny! I am now getting those darn cleavage lines from sleeping on my side. I hate them. They are getting deeper and deeper.

I love your sons' sentiment. He sounds very sweet.

Carol said...

It is funny you speak of wrinkles this week. I have been complaining about this Grand Canyon wrinkle between my eyebrows. My sis says it's stress and frown too much. I purchased a "wrinkle cream" one week ago. I'll let you know......

JP/deb said...

Fabulous post! You've raised a wise young man ... and, you are a beautiful and awesome woman! xx, JP/deb

one more believer said...

oh lucy, you are such a sweetie.. love it... a chinese snake charmer indeed... musically inclined too... what more could a girl ask for... the only time i ever purposely laid..umm slept.. on my back was when i was preggers.. now wrinkles another story.. i totally agree... if i am not happy w/what i look like now there is no hope... it is the least of my worries.. of course, im single and have no one to please but myself.. my dear friends they have botox parties... i have yet to go... but hey, their happy...

susan said...

And what if I do blow? LOL

Thanks for the read.

susan said...

By the way, love your play list. Huge Dave Matthews fan and I enjoyed heear "These are Days". I've had this on my mp3 player.