Wednesday, May 30, 2007

stressed out

The last few weeks have been a killer on my IBS. I wish I could handle stress better. I've read enough articles, web pages and books all with wonderful advice, yet It seems I just can't change.
My middle son has been suffering terribly with his allergies, asthma and most recently sinuses. The CT shows polyps in the sinuses and the ENT recommends surgery. I am just not comfortable with this ENT, So yesterday we saw someone for a second opinion. He agrees, surgery will help but guess what.... He doesn't do this type of surgery. So why the hell were we referred to him? In the middle of all this, my youngest son is now afflicted with the same problems as his brother. His asthma used to only kick in when he was sick, but now It's been very bothersome. He has missed too much school. We've been through more doctor app'ts and medications and treatments then I care to disclose. It's tiresome and worrisome and I've just about HAD it. When I'm not sitting with them for hours in different doctor offices, I am on the phone with the insurance co. or different specialist.
To add more stress to a mom about to jump off a F___ing bridge, my middle sons pcp( or ASSHOLE as I've named him) tried giving me a hard time about writing a referral to the 2nd opinion ent. The Explosion his secretary received was heard for miles. With all this poor kid is going through, he expected him to come see him AGAIN, before he writes the stupid referral?
I accused him of only wanting a co-payment and that I would personally walk it into him but my son is NOT coming in to a needless doctors app't. Long story shortened- He has a new Pcp, and that first one should be ashamed to have taken the hypocratic oath.
During all this, my oldest comes to visit with a surprise..... he got a tattoo. This made me cry as I thought about how carefully I took care of his little body when he was a baby and Now it's tarnished with ink. He also tells of how he was HIT by a cop car while biking the night before he came home! HE is mostly fine, thank god, but I was so upset to hear this too.
If THIS isn't enough to put my bowels through hell and back, On Memorial Day my youngest was obligated to march in the parade with his school band. I forbid him to go, since he was on a nebulizer and couldn't breathe. According to the schools web info, If it was the first time you miss a marching band commitment you just need a note to the head music director. NO problem, I wrote a nice informative note. yesterday his band teacher doesn't bother collecting the note just screams at him that he couldn't have been too sick if he was there the next day and says he is losing 15 points off his grade this quarter.
If you have never seen a half sicilian, 5 ft. tall, Crazy woman with smoke coming out of her every orifice... You should have been at my house yesterday. Wish I had pictures to depict the amount of insanity that was surging inside of me. Thank god I don't have a weapon in my home. My stomach was in total knots when I couldn't immediately reach her or her supervisor.
Of course, when did they call me back? SURe, when I was at the 2nd opinion ENT's office. Even though I went into the hall to explode, my son claims EVERYONE in the waiting room heard me and thought I was a crazy woman. Oh well. If A momma protecting and advocating for her kids is wacko , I am a going to soon need a straight jacket.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The (Mostly) Good, The Bad and the beautiful

Yesterday was all of the above. The First Really good thing was I found out my MRI results were good! Yea! The 2ND Good thing was It was Holy Tuesday ( that's what I've named my day off although my other day off I call happy Thursday) and the weather was beautiful which allowed me to plant some beautiful flowers. The next good thing was my meatloaf dinner came out delicious ( don't know what it is about meatloaf, it's either a hit or miss and lately it's been a hit)
Now for the bad... While transferring that great meatloaf from the pan to the platter, it fell onto the platter & broke into pieces, splattering sauce onto my boob and burning me. 2ND Bad- The cleanup! Meatloaf and red sauce and peas were Everywhere. (Those suckers can really roll.) We ate it and enjoyed it even though it wasn't a loaf anymore. so that was good. A bad was when I was planting I somehow twisted my knee and it is so sore the rest of the flowers will have to wait.
Another bad was while food shopping, I forgot my list which lately means I forgot most of the food. I walked around aimlessly and bought a lot of stuff I still had at home, BUT, my son had No yogurt for breakfast. No eggs.Oh Well, We have a lot of Noodle soup!
Happy Thursday is tomorrow already and if I remember a list maybe It will be a mostly good day too.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


This Sunday Scribblings prompt immediately brought to mind one of my favorite comedies, The Mask with Jim Carrey.
Imagine if we could put on a magic mask and become who we truly are. Funny guy Jim became a cartoon character brought to life. The villain became.... yea a villain.
Who would YOU really be? Couldn't we assume that we are already wearing a mask. This magic mask called a face which hides who we truly are. Our true emotions and thoughts. A face which Hides our anger when we don't think it's appropriate to show it. Hides our criticism of others, hides desires and disappointments, hides contempt. Everyone is guilty of it. We smile and shake hands and are gracious. Our true feelings turning our insides upside down, but We MUST be socially acceptable.
Imagine if we put on Jim's mask and just "told it like it is". No holds barred. I imagine a lot of emotional pain and people falling apart. Lies are a necessary part of society. Humanity is essential for our existence, whether it's bullshit or not. So make sure you put on your happy face, take a pepcid ac if you must and keep our world turning with dishonesty, evasion and mucho crap.

( totally off subject: Is anyone else having a problem using the preview feature on blogger? I can't preview my posts as I am writing anymore, If anyone out there can offer help, I would really appreciate it)

A squirrel tail

After reading Allys post about the "squirrel wars" in her neighborhood, I thought it would be fun to reminisce about our own squirrel war. More than 20 years ago, When I was pregnant for my middle son, our critter problem began. First it was bothersome squirrels but we actually graduated to ghoulish bats! We have a very old brick home. There must be many small openings in the rafters that squirrels were calling home sweet home. We would hear their nails scratching against the walls in the early morning. We would watch them play in our yard all day. Not a terrible problem we thought.
One day, my very handy husband decided he would put a new ceiling in our bathroom. Being a busy guy he had to do a little at a time, so the first stage was ripping down the old ceiling. For a few days I was told we would just have to look up at those old wooden beams. I am an easy wife... "No problem honey". Well, One day while he was away at work and I was sitting on the bowl, A little acorn fell at my feet. I looked up at the ceiling only to see Mr. Bristly Gray Squirrel peering down at me! Despite being 9 1/2 months pregnant, I Sprang off that seat and out the door, slamming it closed, faster than an olympic athlete.
So began my husbands crusade to rid our house, yard and toilet of all things furry and small. He began by going to the hardware store to buy "humane" traps. There he ran into.....guess who.... My obstetrician! Who after hearing the whole hysterical wife on the toilet story, said " And she STILL didn't have that baby???" ( my baby was a bit over his guesstimated due date) ( btw, he was ALSO buying squirrel traps)
So, EVERYDAY Grizzley ( that's what I called my husband during "the squirrel crusade" would set his little rectangular trap with our skippy peanut butter and hope when he returned from work he would be one squirrel closer to his goal. The next morning he would drive poor, scared, missing his family, little fellow to where ever he was working that day. The first few trips, the scariest part was opening that trap to let him out. After a while, he realized they just wanted to run free and not seek revenge. After a long time of trapping and transporting.... Grizzley was getting a little concerned... In my ears he sounded like this.... " Gee MAWW, We still got ourselves a lot of varmints owt dare, Maybe they all be comin back 'ere!"
( something about this crazy crusade made me think of hillbillies) So in your best hillbilly voice read the next thing he said...
" Im going to mark these squirrels, so I will know if they are the same ones I've already trapped, I hear Tell of these suckers finding there way back to their nests" ( of course he never said "hear tell" or "varmints" but he may as well have). So Grizzley would set the trap, use all my skippy up and YEP, after the little varmint was in there... He would quickly spray paint his tail. The funny thing is, instinctively they all turned away from him, giving him a perfect aim of their tails! Squirrel Momma's must teach their young how to invade homes, hunt for food as well as how to protect themselves from crazy men with cans of fuscia spray paint. I knew Grizzley had gone too far when One day, I get a call from a friend who lives across town. She can't stop laughing. She finally tells me.... " there is a squirrel with a hot pink tail looking in my window!! It must be One of yours" We laughed for days after that and Grizzley realized his crusade was too time consuming and too futile. The next winter the population had diminished greatly, but every once in a while my son still awakens to a faint scratching inside his walls. Soon, I will tell you the fun bat tale!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Mothers Day Smiles

I had a very nice Mothers Day. My husbands parents came over for dinner. My husband, His Dad and my boys put up this new gazebo in our backyard. They put one up last year too, but during a winter ice storm, we lost it. While they were busy working, my mother in law and I had some nice quality time in the sunny outdoors which included a beautiful heart to heart conversation.

I received this cute bear with a beautiful card from my youngest son.The saying really melted me. He is so sweet. My middle son gave me this Very large Adorable card. This is SO him, since he is my funny one. It had me laughing when I saw the size of the envelope! He also wrote a beautiful saying. I am so lucky that all of my boys are very expressive with their love. My oldest son called me and we had a beautiful conversation. I really miss him, and was happy to hear he is visiting next week. He is currently cooking at a Vietnamese restaurant. After 3 days they promoted him to head cook. He has always been very creative in the kitchen and they apparently saw his potential. The first day they had expected him to know and understand 3 out of 11 dishes. He learned all 11. Even though his bachelors degree is in English, I am so happy that he is at a job that is making him so happy. He is now thinking about culinary school. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Whatever he chooses, Whatever path any of my sons happen to take... I always hope most importantly that they are happy.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I was tagged by my cool, canadian, comrade Giggles to share seven things about myself. They can be anything from a favorite quote or book to opinions about life or anything about ourselves!
Wow Giggles this is a challenge as my thinking cap has been a bit foggy lately. Okay I will make that #1....
#1. My memory has been frightfully bad lately
#2. I get nervous crossing bridges
#3. I have never learned how to play an instrument ( and wish i could)
#4. I can however pick up many things with my toes
#5. When I was 14, I moved in with a friend and her family and lived there till 17
#6. I dont like confrontations.........HOWEVER
#7. Lately, if someone gives me an attitude, I have been biting their heads off
( story to follow)

While visiting my mom in Fl., she asked me to do her hair. The haircut her usual hairstylist had her in was unbelievably horrible. It looked like an old mans sweep over, plus,it was over permed, over colored, over teased and Very uneven. I gave her a nice, short but age appropriate look and took off many inches of damage. My mom said her hairdresser/friend ( who she has been going to for 20 years) wanted to meet me.
My mom sometimes has no filter. So I repeatedly said to her, "Mom, Don't insult Barbara, Don't tell her how awful I thought your haircut was. Don't tell her I said it looked like an old mans sweep over. Don't tell her how bad the damage was, I don't want to hurt her feelings".
As we got out of the car in front of the salon, I repeated the above advice.
We walk into this real beauty parlor. Little old gray ladies everywhere with the same bad hairstyles. Cut as long on top as their sides, If they were electrocuted it would look like their faces were inside gray boxes.
My mom very sweetly and proudly says "Barbara, I want you to meet my daughter".
This 70ish horrible woman with 10 inches of thick face makeup,too much eye shadow, a HUGE updo of overly bleached curls like a 50's prom date, tight leather pants like a biker bar maid, turns around and YELLS at my mom ( with finger pointing in her face) " I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET A SHORT HAIRCUT, YOUR FACE IS TOO FAT FOR THAT".

WELL, REFERRING BACK TO # 7, I reply in a (quite) raised, angry voice.. Her face is too fat? She looks a hell of a lot better than that Old mans SWEEP over YOU had her in. That haircut was a nightmare, this was down to here, the back was all shaved, It's over colored and permed. Are you for real?" She looks great! Mom, let's get out of here" blowers stopped, curlers and old lady jaws dropped. I'm sure they must have thought "wo, her NY daughter is a bitch" I later told my mom, Barbara is lucky I didn't have a machete, Her head would have come off! ( haha, NO I DON'T OWN ONE AND HAVE NEVER USED ONE, DO YOU THINK IT MAY BE THE MENOPAUSE TALKING?) Really though, How dare she be so rude to my mom and to my work? What did she expect me to say.... ( like a little mouse).... ooooh yeah? you think it's too short, oooh im sorry
Whether you like confrontation or not, Nobody should take shit like that from Anybody! Lately I go about it in a more "in your face" way. Years ago, I would have calmly and tactfully disagreed with someone like that. No scene, No harsh words necessary. This new me is a heart pounding, adrenaline pumping crazy girl. I like her and I'm proud of her and I hope when menopause is over she will still be here. If I was given a second chance to handle the same situation, I would respond the very same way!

(I'm suppose to tag 7 more, consider yourself tagged if you would like to do this)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

movie meme

I've been busy lately and haven't had much blogging time. I had a draft of this meme that I borrowed from someone's blog....
So at least I will post something else this week.... It's cute... Hope you borrow it from me... hope to write more soon

1. Name a movie you have seen more than 10 times. It's a Wonderful Life ( remember...zuzus petals?)
2. Name a movie you’ve seen multiple times in the theater. It's a toss up between Rocky in '76 or Young Frankenstein when I was a child
3. Name an actor who would make you more inclined to see a movie. Edward Norton
4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to see a movie. Ben Afleck
5. Name a movie you can and do quote from. -Embarrassed that there are way too many... how 'bout "Nobody puts Baby in the corner' (dirty dancing)
6. Name a movie musical in which you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs. The Wizard of Oz
7. Name a movie you have been known to sing along with. Which one haven't I sang along with?
8. Name a movie you would recommend everyone see.- (most recently) Dream Girls
9. Name a movie you own. The Other Sister
10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops. BJORK
11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what? Yes, the last one before our theater closed was Jurassic Park
12. Ever made out in a movie? Absolutely
13. Name a movie you keep meaning to see but you just haven’t gotten around to yet. Shindlers List
14. Ever walked out of a movie? Absolutely
15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater. most recently....CLICK ( my son leaned over and said "Mom, this is a comedy")
16. Popcorn? sometimes, I prefer raisinetts
17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)? Almost never
18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater? Rein over me ( I just love adam sandler movies)
19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie? Romantic comedy
20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? Not sure, But I have a vivid memory of seeing Butterflies are free with goldie hawn at Radio City before the show. ( back when they showed a movie before the Rockettes)
21. What movie do you wish you had never seen? Daredevil
22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed? Vanilla Sky
23. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen? Jonny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!
24. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen? Something about Mary or Planes,Trains And Automobiles, or Young Frankenstein

Sunday, May 06, 2007

My Ocean turned into Night

I am so weird when it comes to the ocean. I LOVE the Ocean and the beach. I live only about 8 miles from one of the most beautiful beaches.
I love to stare out at that vast, breathtaking ocean. It gives me serenity yet makes me realize how small and vulnerable we all really are. I love the sound of the ocean. It gives me comfort and tranquility, yet the power of its roar is intimidating. I love when I feel a breeze with a slight spray of ocean mist sprinkle over me. It gives me chills and pleasure yet frightens me with its unpredictable energy. I would love to tell you how the depth of that ocean water makes me feel but here is where I am weird. I never go into that amazing ocean. I have put my feet in, reluctantly. Sometimes when baking for hours has gotten me to the point of possible sun stroke, I have wet my hands and rubbed my sandy burnt arms. I don't know why this salty water that has possible sharp objects, biting fish, other peoples urine and other unknown garbage bothers me SO much. I just can't put my body in there. I know how bizarre and wacky this is. I watch my family and other people have such enjoyment and I am happy for them. I don't think they are weird. I know I am the weird one. It's not just the fear of the above mentioned deterrents. I also can't swim and hate icy cold water. Give me a 4 foot chlorinated, heated pool and I am a happy dog paddler.
I tried to paint a picture of the ocean but it somehow emerged into a night time landscape.