Stupid is as stupid does

I thought I would share some local news. It is making me want to move away from Lawng AwyLund.
Todays Paper the headline read "Pizza with the works."
This entrepreneur ( moron) had a menu of illegal fireworks longer than the pizza menu at his store. He stored some only 5' from the Hot pizza ovens, some in his accomplices backyard shed. They estimate it to be between $50,000.- $100,00. worth of explosives. Customers (speaking in code) would place orders for illegal fireworks, and Pizza man would call them and say "Your pizza is ready". As stupid and dangerous as this is, what really, really amazed me (and has me questioning our school system) are the comments from the neighbors, when told what was stored on their street. They all thought it was no big deal. One mans comment is what led me to write about this story. I am still laughing from disbelief and embarrassment for him. (He actually let them print his name after this) He said " It's Independence Day, Fireworks don't hurt nobody"
Any ideas on a new location I can move to?

Golden rules

I saw these rules many years ago in an Ann Landers column and cut it out and tucked it away.
I finally cleaned out a closet that has been haunting me and this little worn out paper fell to my feet.
Imagine if everyone( my boys) followed these simple, sensible steps?
#1 is for my son who always leaves the seat up(while doing #1)
#9 is for my remote thief
#8 is for my Ketchup Kid
1. If you open it, CLOSE IT.

2. If you turn it on, TURN IT OFF.

3. If you unlock it, LOCK IT.

4. If you break it, ADMIT IT.

5. If you can't fix it, CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN.

6. If you borrow it, RETURN IT.

7. If you value it, TAKE CARE OF IT

8. If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP.

9. If you move it, PUT IT BACK.

10. If it belongs to someone else, GET PERMISSION TO USE IT.

11. If you don't know how to operate it, LEAVE IT ALONE.

12. If it doesn't concern you, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

(an old photo of my 2 youngest guys, cuteness overrules neatness)

Leo the Lioness

"What's your sign?" Doesn't that line bring the 70's rushing back to you? It is so corny and has been goofed on by some of the best of them. Remember Steve Martin doing the wild and crazy guy? I'm pretty sure he asked that question. I remember being very interested in astronomy as a teen. It was fun & I researched everyone I knew. I don't remember a lot of it but I remember it was interestingly right on the money for many people. Take me for example-( clearing my throat)- here is what the books say about us leos...
*Positive Traits
• Generous and warmhearted (true)
• Creative and enthusiastic (true)
• Broad-minded and expansive (true again)
• Faithful and loving ( true, true)
Negative Traits
• Pompous and patronizing ( Who me? How dare you, I am just perfect)
• Bossy and interfering ( this author sucks, I must inform him- Leos have NO negative traits)
• Dogmatic and intolerant ( I am getting a different books opinion on this!)
Leo Likes: speculative ventures, lavish living, rich food, children, drama, pageantry and grandeur ( Oh yes, darrrliinnng!)
Leo Dislikes:doing anything safely, day-to-day living, small-minded people, penny-pinching and mean spiritedness ( stay away from me you cheap, horrible people)
One day back in the crazy 70's, I walked into a lavish hair salon, looking for work. These two free spirited sisters gave me a rare job application. No social security number needed, No questions like " do you have job experience?" They wanted to know my birth place/day/ time/ year. They needed to find out if I would be in harmony with their surroundings. They were going to chart me. It was the only time I didn't get a job because my sun was in Pisces. Oh well, I had a feeling that their idea of harmony was conflicting with earths.
This was a fun Prompt from Sunday Scribblings, want to read more on this topic? click Here

mother and child reunion

Last weekend we had a fun road trip upstate to visit my oldest son. On the road I observed how strange my senses work. When my husband said " Do you smell fire"? I couldn't, until I turned down the music, then "YES I DO smell fire!" When he said " Oh god look at that accident" I couldn't see it very well, until I turned down the music! "oh that's awful"! Does anyone else have this oddity? Anyway, we went upstate because we wanted to celebrate our sons 23rd birthday and see his new apartment. His new place is much nicer than the last one. He actually has a closet in his bedroom now.( WooWHO!!) It is also in a much better section of the city. It reminded me of Greenwich village. He can walk or bicycle everywhere. He is close to a beautiful park which often holds concerts or plays. He is surrounded by friends. He is really happy. That's basically what it is all about. We all have hopes, dreams and high expectations for our kids. The one really important accomplishment however is happiness. Why is it, that we don't focus enough on that one? If you have a depressed child, it's the only thing you focus on and wish for. But, a kid with no serious problems, we tend to over look that and focus on superfluous accomplishments.
What I am trying to say is I am happy he is happy.
We ate dinner at an Italian restaurant but for dessert I wanted to see the restaurant where he works as the head cook. Yes, this was a surprise to us too. After working there for only 3 days, they promoted him to head cook! When I had heard this, I pessimistically imagined he worked in a dive. Well, Not at all! This Vietnamese upscale restaurant was immaculate, decorative and expensive. The owner was friendly and told us how much potential she saw immediately in our son. He makes crepes ( yes, crepes in a vietnamese restaurant) better than she does. She carried on so much about how much they value him and his talents! I was beaming! He was sweet enough to credit me as his cooking role model, although I know that's not true, the kid is just a natural. The desserts were not only delicious but presented beautifully and the lovely owner insisted they be on the house. It was an enjoyable day! The next day he took the trip back home with us, so that he could visit with us and his friends for a few days. It is such a treat to have my boy back home for a little while anyway. We used to spend so much time together ( which I think I took for granted). Who knew how fast time would fly and take my baby with it. Now, when I get to see him, I savor each conversation, each hug even each disagreement. I savor each morsel of our visit like his patrons savor each drop of his yummy food.
(This picture of us is probably from about 8 years ago. Isn't he a sweetie pie?)

A womans heart

I have a secret. In fact I have many secrets. When I read this weeks Prompt what immediately came to mind was a line from the movie Titanic. It was towards the end, when VERY old Rose says, "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets". That line resonates so well with me. I hold so many secrets deep in my heart and they fill my soul up with emotions. Like old Rose, I have many that I will never share with anyone. We all have secrets, some we keep to ourselves and some we share with only a trusted one. The reason My heart is filled with so many secrets is because most of these secrets aren't mine. I am "the trusted one". There seems to be something about my haircutting chair that resembles a confessional. I know it's me too. I am not only a good listener, I am a caring listener. People know they can trust me to keep their deepest secrets private. It gives me a good feeling to know I can help someone unload the burdens they've been carrying for sometimes many years. The problem ( for me) is that their secrets break my heart and fill my already too full head with worry. This week alone, I have had two people I care deeply for, confess something that has been tearing them apart. They've trusted no one else. I try to give advice to the best of my (limited) ability. I usually recommend counseling, because I truly believe in it and because I know they need expert and not a hairstylists advice. Although typically I am a chatterbox, I will take these precious secrets to my grave. I share almost everything in my life with My trusted one ( my husband) but NOT someone's entrusted secrets. Those, along with my own, will go deep into the heart of my ocean.

baby lucy

definition of Eccentricity
deviating from the recognized or customary character, practice, etc.; irregular; erratic; peculiar; odd: eccentric conduct; an eccentric person.
How bizarre, freaky and totally unconventional is this hair I am sporting?
What was my kooky mom thinking with this Pebbles meets bozo hairstyle? Forget turning into an old eccentric biddy
I've already been an odd eccentric baby!

for more Eccentricities- Click here

my cockapoodle is wackadoodle

I know I've already mentioned my mentally unstable Miss Molly a few times. I just need to talk about her again because she is really starting to worry me.
Her fears and nervousness have gotten much worse. She seems like she is always a major wreck. There is NO way she will go outside alone anymore. If Cosmo or one of us doesn't first step outside, she just shakes and creeps the other way. I am worried that soon she will have accidents in the house, or end up in doggy mental institute. Her vet appointment isn't until next month, but when I brought Cosmo in for his checkup, I did mention to the doc. how nervous Molly is. I told him the groomer suggested tranquilizers. He gave me some and told me it's better for her to have one than to be feeling so nervous at the groomer. I think she may need one every day. I had a weird daydream today, that he may suggest group therapy. Many dogs with many conditions sitting around a table ( kind of like that picture of the dogs playing poker) You've got your obsessive compulsive Mr. Jack Russell who just can't stop Jumping while licking himself. There is of course Mr. Pit Bull, the sociopath who sees no wrong in an occasional nip of a leg (or throat.) Mrs. Rot Weiler has a serious anger problem which causes her to chew off your ear/nose or couch. Miss Molly Wackadoodle sits far away from her( not to upset her own psycho anxiety problem.) Miss Frenchy Poodle is a compulsive shopper/scratcher/nail biter. And no group is complete without the depressed! So, looking quite sleepy sits ( and stays)-Mr. B. Hound. To try and Heal the pack is their Psychiatrist, an intelligent looking bitch, Ms. Chow Chow. She is trying some word association. (She Speaks)- "gentle" (they bark) -"ROUGH!" (she speaks)-"smooth" ( they bark) "ROUGH!" (she speaks)-"calm" (they bark) "ROUGH!"

okay I think it may be time for ME to start some medication and therapy

Sales are too expensive

I am done buying things On Sale. What constitutes a sale anyway? Did you ever wonder about that? Sure , there is merchandise that just isn't moving or popular, so they lower the price and we may settle for it. What about MEAT? Is that somedays less popular than others? NO! Recently my local butcher who is very friendly and usually has wonderful meat,
( DON'T even go there!!) said to me- " Lu, Are you interested in hamburgers, they're on sale- 12 burgers for 8.99.." that seemed like a good price, I like to keep them in the freezer for a quick dinner. Well, I was sick as a dog all night! I think he was overloaded with old beef, so he ground it into a quick sale, despite the consequences to his loyal (stupid) customers.
Also, recently there was a sale on pens at my local grocery store- Stop and Shop. Hmmmm, I think ... My son looses a pen a day at school.... let me stock up on some while they are so cheap. Well, guess what may be another reason for a sale- damaged items!
While using one of these pens, I look down to see TWO huge ink spots on my brand new blouse...." Holy Shit, this pen is leaking" and I throw it out. A week later my son has a huge ink spot on his jeans pocket where another bad pen was. The clincher that made me realize the whole lot was bad and I need to throw away the whole bunch... My husband had one in a little wire caddy he keeps all his eyeglass stuff in, you know... bottle of cleaner, little soft cloth, eyeglass case.... WHAT A MESS all over my kitchen table. ( thank goodness, the wood is covered by a glass top). This all reminded me of a wise thing my mother in law always told me.... " you have to be very rich to buy cheap" Which is so true, when you spend more and buy good quality it usually lasts and prevents you from having to buy it again and again. So that is that, No more sale item temptations........ (well, maybe only in the shoe dep't.)..........or handbags? but THAT'S IT! I MEAN IT!!

Spicy

For the first time ever!...I thought I would try my hand at some silly poetry with this weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt... (Please be kind)....(and except for fire being hot which made me think of spicy.., I have no idea why I used this picture)

The spice of life seems different as we go through a particular stage
From Spicy foods to Spicy Sex our tastes mellow as we age
In our 20's we enjoy spicy lobster fra diovolo sauce
followed by steamy sex on secluded sandy beaches
Our 30's we enjoy a healthy salad toss
with a victory kiss on the little league bleachers
In our 40's we discover Fra Diovolo= Awful stomach pain
As we're introduced to acid reflux and cronic weight gain
So we spice up our 40's with Extra fiber sprinkled on our Bran Flakes
As we add pepcid to our glucosamine for all those nasty joint aches
Then our 50's! Viagra brings back the spice of our youthful being
As does our new progressive lenses, (we realize we were hardly seeing)
In our 60's the spice of life is a quiet noon time snooze
and feeling awfully naughty if awake for the 10:00 news
The 70's seem pretty spicy just to be amongst our friends
enjoying long talks, short walks (thank god we've got depends)
Through our 80's and beyond our grateful seniors have found
the spiciest stage is now 'cause it's so hot still being around!

City Pooch/Country Pooch

Town Mouse and Country Mouse eh? This is the cute prompt this week for Sunday Scribblings. Hmmm, what comes to mind are my 2 adorable crazy pets. Little Molly the cockapoo would definitely do well as the town pooch. Never one for the great outdoors, she would do well with a doorman, limo and big comfy apartment.( If she is going to live in the big city she wants to live uptown, thank you very much) She would love to own a diamond collar and polish her black nails with a french (poodle) manicure. Miss Molly is extremely high maintenance she will need a top notch N.Y. city therapist. She cries if left outdoors a second too long. She cries if Cosmo( her lover, lover man) doesn't want to play. She cries if her caviar is not room temperature. PAAleeaasseeee.
Now Mr. Cosmo on the other hand, is my country bumpkin. He is an avid hunter. (loves to chase squirrels) If one runs up a tree, he will stare up the tree till his neck aches. He has quite a green paw. (He digs a mean hole in my freshly planted flower beds.) He is outdoorsy ( He sometimes WON'T come inside when called.) Even if there is a local milk-bone eating contest.
Suburbia seems the best compromise for these two contrasting canines.
As for their pack leader (bitch), I really enjoy the best of all worlds. Here in the subs, I can easily go west toward the culture and fun of the city or head out east for the great wide open or head south to one of the best beaches.
I guess if I HAD to leave the burbs and choose east or west.... (and if money was not a factor) It would be The big Apple for me.