event exposé

How we perceive things really matters. Some people dodge disaster and breathe a sigh of relief and move on with a positive happy attitude never giving it another thought. Maybe they live their life actually thinking of this scenario and declaring how lucky they were. The same near-miss event can put someone else into a life long tail spin, thinking doom and gloom will always try to get them. (I bet you've figured out, I'm that second someone.)
Just recently I figured out why I am the cautious, nervous nellie that I am. It was MY dodged disaster. An event that traumatized a once very reckless little kid, into a guarded eleven year old girl who would continue that vigilance throughout her life.

It was a breezy April day in 1970. I was out riding my bright orange, sting ray bicycle, which had a bold flowered vinyl, banana seat. I was suppose to be home for dinner but with the wind in my hair, I didn't have a care, I boldly jumped curbs and raced carelessly through the side streets of my safe, suburban neighborhood. As I was heading towards the playground at the closed public pool, a man sitting parked in a big blue car beeped his horn and waved me towards him. Still on my bicycle, I used my feet to glide myself towards his passenger window. He started asking me for directions to a street. I tried to tell him where the street was when i noticed.... he was ONLY wearing a T-shirt! I quickly made excuses that I had to go, that my mother was waiting right on the other side of the playground for me. He gestured and asked me a question and I Screamed NO!! I pedaled back home so quickly, I didn't remember how I had gotten there. Traumatized and extremely shaken, I reacted by getting under my covers and just shivering. I didn't go to my mom, i didn't talk about it. I just couldn't stop shaking. I don't know how long I stayed that way, but my sister came in my room and became so worried when she saw me. She screamed for my mom, and after a little time... I was able to tell them what had happened. They were, of course, so upset and yet relieved that I wasn't abducted or hurt in any way.

My mom then insisted that I go with her to the police station and give a description of this deviant. That was almost as traumatic as the event itself. Apparently (according to the officer) many little girls make up stories for various reasons, so back in 1970.. they found the hostile approach in speaking to terrified little kids most appropriate and effective! It was awful! The shaking continued! I did give a very accurate description of the man. (the mans face that is!) But I don't know if they ever found him. With so many tragedies in our world concerning kids, I know I was that LUCKY someone! But that one event, That one day, really changed who I am. I am always on my toes, playing it safe, never taking foolish risks. Through the years I don't think I've ever connected the dots about WHY I am who I am. I haven't told many people about this incident. Something that happened last week (TOO long to get in to it!) made me realize the connection. Even though this happened 40 years ago... I still find it so difficult to talk about without getting those same chills. As I huddle under my throw blanket to put this into writing on this hot, humid April day, I am having a feeling of freedom that my trauma like my cautiousness is outright....exposed.
sunday scribblings

Dinner!

The sunday scribblings girls chose the prompt dinner in honor of the movie Julia & Julie. I Loved that movie girls! One of my favorite lines was when Julie asked her best friend if she (julie) was a bitch, and living up to her title of BEST friend, she replied..."Yes, But Everyone is!".. Isn't that the truth? Even Moi! I must admit, most often I am pretty even tempered but there are those scattered times when This little, evil bitch devil just perks up her pointy ears and tail and points her pitchfork at whomever is Pissing me off enough to summon this doppelganger to appear! Getting back to dinner.... I took my son to burger King last month. Even tempered Lucy that is.
When we walked in, there were only two customers in the whole place. They were at the counter ordering. We stood (a good distance away) waiting for our turn. All of a sudden three people burst disruptively through the door, loudly arguing in their native language and exchanging burger king coupons. Finally the two women took a table and the man stood on line behind even tempered Lucy. Behind?? NO, not just behind me... AlMOST touching me, breathing on my neck, right up against me...behind me... The place was EMPTY. ROOM wasn't a hindrance!
I waited for a second or two, then turned and said (I admit a bit abruptly) excuse me, you need to back off a bit. He just looked at me and then smiled real big as if I had just said "hi nice to meet u sir".. You're assuming he didn't speak english, correct?? ... REad ...on....
Before I could even think rationally... EVIL Bitch Lucy appeared, ears pointier than ever before!
And with an attitude That would have shaken Mike Tyson She said... HEY! YOU NEEEED TO BACK OFF! BACK OFF! Well the smiling man began SCREAMING at me in broken english! 'You not a nice laaadddeee!!!! YOU YELL AT ME??? YOU DON'T YELL AT ME!!! (He went on and on, I can't even remember what ridiculousness was coming from his mouth)
My son began laughing but I willed my bitchy side to stifle herself and moved her and my son away from someone who I thought seemed FAR crazier than I had felt. I may be a bitch SOME times, but i consider myself cautious and perceptive MOST times! We got his dinner and got the hell OUT of there!
Gee... I just wrote a bitch post instead of the 'dinner' post I had intended to write. I wanted to simply say... lately I ALWAYS say... "DINNER IS OVER RATED!" And I planned on going on and on about HOw difficult it's become to PLAn and execute these tedious dinners that seem so important to be creative, when I'd be happy enough(if I lived alone) with a simple soup or sandwich or a yogurt or bowl of cereal. Yet each night.. I feel it's my obligation to set upon the table a healthy, varied feast each day of the week! I know I do this to myself.. NO one is saying We need to eat these overrated dinners! Oh well, I've been so easily distracted lately...
Getting back to the burger king incident... My family has NOT let me live this down... EACH time we see an asian man, one of the wise men I live with says... Hey mom... Why don't you go beat him Up?? boys can be bitches too!

4 years?? AND counting!

It occurred to me that April 20th will be my FOUR year blogging anniversary! I guess it makes sense then, that I am doing this less and less frequently, right? Although, so many of my favorite blogs haven't lost their enthusiasm. It's not even that I've lost it as much as I feel I don't have much to write about. But then I got to thinking that I have SO much going on and I used to find it fulfilling to just write about what's going on! so here I go.. A condensed post (Although I've never been so good at shortening things) As to what's been going on around here that keeps me so busy and makes me find NO time to blog...
1. ALL the college work! That went on For so long... helping my youngest son with research and applications. The paper work seemed endless.. and Eureeka! He has chosen his university. We've been busy now with tour dates/ then a preview weekend/ and soon he will have a 3 day orientation.
Not to mention all the shopping for dorm items that will be coming up as well. So we've got this huge thing going on..

2. Teaching this same son to drive! holy smokes! I don't have to tell the parents out there how traumatic and torturous and nerve wracking this can be! As I wrote in last post.. he passed! NOW my worries really begin! (this seems a good spot to insert a photo of us!Since I haven't posted pics in forever!)


3. Zumba. I have decided I really want to stop wishing for things I desire.. and instead GO FOR THEM! I was certified to teach zumba (which is a FUN dance/exersice program, incorporating 70% international music) back in September but never put it into action. Well.. recently when a friend of mind asked me if I am living my life as fully as I would like to be.... I realized... I WANT and NEED to do this! So I've been spending A LOT of my free time Practicing and Choreographing Dance routines (instead of blogging). I also signed up for the second step zumba work shop which will teach more about flamingo and belly dance and the business end of things.. I attend this all day work shop this sunday! looking so forward to it! I've set myself a goal as to WHEN I will be ready to look for work doing this.. September. When My youngest begins his journey into college life...On my nights or mornings off, I will be shaking my bootie, having a ball and I hope giving others a fun work out too! I realize I've given myself a LONG time to achieve this goal..but hey! I'm getting old! I give myself extra credit for even attempting this!
(turn up your volume baby! My first 3 songs are ZuMbA songs that I lOVe!)

4. Attending my eldest son's performance at the Whitney Museum in Manhattan! This was SUCH an exciting, tremendous evening! I can't believe i haven't blogged about it. Ari Marcopoulos, a photographer/film artist originally from Amsterdam, who has worked with Andy Warhol, asked my sons band, yellow tears, to perform at his art exhibit at the Whitney! Their band is in to power electronics and it was really was performance art! I was so excited to be there and I actually, FINALLY, really "GOT" what their sound was all about. So many of my sons friends came out to support him and they all said to me...'you know this is HUGE, right??" they were so adorable.. I DO know that this was a huge opportunity and experience! (here is a photo of the band with Ari (my son on right) and Of course ME with Ari too! haha
I can't place these pics correctly!!)

5. LIFE... Isn't it so hectic? Between working 4 long days a week, trying to keep a clean house, laundry up to date, food shopping as well as shopping for my business. Scheduling and keeping various appointments, The days just fly and time does too! I haven't even mentioned the birthdays, holidays,get togethers, family obligations! So there you have it! YOU have it? WhO? I don't think I have many readers left! I noticed that after my last post.. But,I am so grateful for my few blog friends who faithfully still check if I'm alive and if i've updated! Thank you! I am taking my friend Sherries advice... I am blogging For ME. If no one is out there, it's okay. I'm satisfied that after nearly 4 years, I'm continuing this enjoyable hobby!

nervous nellie strikes again

Why is it so difficult for me to let my youngest son grow up? Most people say to me.. I'm so surprised you are so protective.. usually by child #3, parents allow anything to go on. For me, it seems the youngest is like raising the oldest again! Maybe because there's a large age gap between my boys?? I don't know what is causing me to be such a worrier but I just am! 9 days ago, this young one... got his drivers license! Not only did he pass, but he got Zero points taken off. Meaning NO mistakes made on the test! WOW, impressive, no?? Well, here it is NINE days later... and I am JUST now... letting him take the car by himself!! He is SUCH a good kid that he didn't try arguing with me.. although he did sweetly tell me when I picked him up from work at 11 pm... Gee, Mom.. this is SO inconvenient for you, you look so tired... I really cAN do this!! (he is such a nice boy) Well here we are... I let him drive himself to practice at the high school... I need an imodium to be able to leave and head off to book club... I am SO nervous for him! He just called to say he arrived there ALIVE!! ( good boy but a wise ass like the rest of my guys)..
He knows to call his dad before leaving the parking lot later, to let him know he is on his way back.. I will be a wreck until I get the call that he is in the house safe and sound..
Whew.... raising kids is a killer on the gray hair and the IBS.

Did u EVer??

Lately, Mr. Petals seems incapable of articulating his thoughts as well as he used to. But of course, he is in denial of this.. They say we women go through MENTALpause when we're going through menopause.. but seriously.. they need to find a name for it for men. Maybe it's not all men, but apparently (according to my mother in law).. It is definitely something that runs through the MEN in my father in laws family! Here's the most recent example of what I'm trying to explain. Tonight we are talking about Where a church from his old neighborhood was located.. so he explains it to me by mentioning what park it's near and I understand where it is but he adds... Yeah, so it is between that park and woods elementary school. And we did them all. Okay... there is the example.. And we did them all. Who's WE and What Did they do?? Do u Want to know The best about this latest problem of his?? HE gets impatient with ME... when I don't GEt that kind of abstract, senseless sentence!! (that's the inherited part!!).. So with a look of puzzlement, I innocently say... (well not so innocent, maybe a tiny bit snarky..) "We did them all"? and he snaps, as if how can I NOT understand that perfectly formed sentence...
Yeah.. Me and my friends!.. We hung out at All Three of those spots, the park, the school and the church parking lot! so I (snarkily) said... HOW the hell am I suppose to know what you were referring to!! So he says.. welll What else could I have meant!! (THIS I love!! NOW not only should I listen and comprehend.. it is up to me to decode everything or get a snippy attitude!!) So I reply...
You could have meant that You Cut the grass at all those locations! YOu could have meant YOU Built them all! Maybe you meant that You and I visited them all! ARe u kidding me??
Then he gets fed up and says... Just forget about it!!
Is it me?? Would u have known what WE DID Them ALL meant? We weren't talking about hanging out! we weren't talking about his childhood friends. Someone had mentioned a churches name to me and I thought I knew All the churches where he grew up, so I just questioned if he knew where that one was located... GEEZ!!! I have a feeling I will be giving you more examples pretty soon...