happy August

"August is like the sunday of summer"...

what does that quote mean? what does it mean to you? I'm always looking for positive relatable quotes to put in my weekly email to my Zumba students. So on August 1st I sent out that quote. To me.. Sunday is my favorite day of the week. It's MY day. It's me first teaching my Zumba class which I love to do, then relaxing or I'm happily entertaining guests or going out to dinner with friends.  I look forward to Sunday. I also love August. My birthday month, beautiful beach weather.  So to me, I saw it as "August is as wonderful as sunday."
I think I am the only one who saw that.  When I read it to my husband he said.. oh thats sad but true. He said he saw it as Sunday is the last day of the week. the end. August always seems like the official end of summer. hmmm.. That's depressing.
well sure enough, several of my zumba students commented about it and they saw it exactly as he did.
Who wrote this damn quote anyway?  I found it in images when I googled Quotes about August.  Why am I up this late, still puzzled by this one stupid phrase.
"August is like....the best part of Summer!"~ lucy petals
goodnight. :)

Oh my papa

Continuing from  my last post... this is another homework assignment from my recent writing class. We were asked to write about a place we have sat.  I took an older blog post I had written years ago and elaborated a bit.  It was wonderful  having the critique of my classmates and teacher but Maybe I'm stubborn, except for changing the title I decided to leave my story the way I had written it. I will explain at end... 

                                        Oh my papa

My dad passed away when I was 3 years old. The memories of him are ingrained in me because of the stories I've heard about him. I couldn’t possibly have actual memories of him considering I was so very young. Dad had a heart condition that was brought on from having Rheumatic Fever as a child. He was frail and restricted from strenuous activities. 

One of my favorite stories that I was told often from many family members was how he always carried me around on his shoulders. I had heard it so often that I began to see the image in front of me vividly. No matter where we went, it was me on top of pop, my curly unruly brown ringlets bouncing into my meatball-sized eyes, with that funny lipless smile I had had (that is before the self-conscious teenage me practiced like crazy to change it.)  I see my Dads Kramer-like wild curly hair acting as a nice nest for my tiny baby hands. I see his secure hands locked protectively around my gauzy dress and rounded back. I see his gentle smiling eyes and matching lipless smile looking up at me. (Those same soft expressive hazel eyes it chills and thrills me to see on my eldest son.) I also see my frazzled, boisterous mother who, I was told, worried that I was too heavy for her sick husband to carry, she would constantly yell at him “put her Down!!” As a parent now myself, I sure understand why he didn't listen to her. If you know you aren't going to be with your kids for too much longer, I’d think you take your chances and hang on tight while you can. I imagine him just laughing and saying to her “Oh stop yelling, I’m fine! Look how happy she is”

The weird thing about losing a parent at such a young age is that it seems the grieving process may be opposite of the same loss as an adult. As an adult the pain is present for a very long time but it fades the longer time has passed. All the years of happy memories seem to comfort my friends who’ve experienced this sadness. The opposite is what I've been experiencing. Of course at 3 years old I had no clue of what was happening to my family, to my world. As I grew, there were times I felt curious and times I felt ashamed about not having a dad. During my teen years, I thought often of him and wanted to hear all the stories and "get to know" him. As a young woman planning my wedding I wept for him, for all he had missed. Wept Knowing that he wouldn't walk me down the aisle. He wouldn't know the woman I had become or the wonderful man I was planning on spending my life with. Later I grieved for him not knowing his three amazing grandsons. Heart-broken that they lost out too.

 Now, 52 years after Dad has passed, I still get choked up as I am right now trying to write this. It may happen while taking a walk or just hearing a touching song. Just thinking of my Dad always leads me to those awful ‘if only’s “ If only he hadn’t been sick, if only he hadn’t left his 3 forgotten children. If only.

Last night I awoke from a heavenly dream and for a sleepy second or two I thought I actually did truly remember it all, just as I have imagined it for all of these years. Little me, in my first happy place, sitting weightless and carefree, smiling brightly while being carried off into an idyllic childhood. Cradled on my beloved Dads loving shoulders.

My story was Originally title Oh Pabbi Minn. It's the Icelandic version of Oh my papa by bjork. It brings me to tears every time I hear her beautiful voice sing it. My class felt I should have talked about the title somewhere in the story. I felt it took away from my story. So I decided instead to use the english title here. I'm not going to listen to you either!! but am interested to know...what do you think? 

writing class

 J  judicious persistent Jaunt

O  optimistic endless quest

U  unraveling self-awareness acceptance forgiveness

R  reflective responsible resolved

N  nurturing self-preservation passion potential purpose

E  energized engaged enlightened

Y  you. Your lifelong voyage to self-discovery

I haven't had much time to write these days, so I was excited when I saw my library had a writing class for 3 wed. eves in April.

I signed right up! I'm Just sharing one of my homework assignments.

We were to write an acrostic poem for journey. I've been really trying to work on many of the attributes I wrote about. From what I gather from so many of the amazing women I see in my salon, there are SO many of us always working on this. How difficult is it to forgive yourself?  What about self-preservation? It's not until we grow older and wiser that we see how important it is to sometimes have to distance ourselves from friends even relatives to preserve our own sanity, our own pride. 

I hear so many heart wrenching stories of unforgiving stubborn behavior in many relationships. parents not speaking to their own children. Siblings squabbling over nonsense. How many times should we subject ourselves to heart ache and unjustified criticism and abuse? Much of it really is downright abusive. I was so happy when recently one of my sweet sensitive friends valued herself enough to say, "That's enough".  She walked away from a relationship that had caused her nothing but heart ache. She is a hero to me. I am still having such a hard time with self preservation. hmm..

Forgiveness too, but my journey is just that.. and if it truly Is a life long journey, I sure hope I have much more time to get to.. Enlightenment. :)

forever friend

My beautiful Cockapoo Molly has gone to rest

She was always so loving, so sweet

 Even times when she was being a pest

My heart is so broken, so hollow

She’s gone way too soon

I can feel her presence in every empty room

As I puzzle over why a dogs life’s extremely brief

A lesson discovered helps me cope with my aching grief

They’re here to teach us that our lives are preciously brief as well

So Instead of worrying about all the small stuff

We need to learn how to howl, bark or yelp

Always have fun! Run! Jump! Sleep well! Play!

Live life to its fullest each and every treasured day

Take nothing for granted, Love your fellow man

And always go outside whenever you possibly can!

Cherish each gesture of love and affection

Love unconditionally, forgive, pay attention

Greet everyone like they've been gone far too long

Enjoy your meals, treats and howling a good song

Our pets lives may be brief but they’re happy for most of those years

While we spend our extra days overly stressed or in tears

If we take cues from our dogs and the messages they send

Our lives can be happier like those of our cherished tail-wagging friends.

I am woman hear me roar? I've got to be me? Why you gotta be so rude?

I'm not sure if there was an exact date that it happened to me but it was sometime after this last birthday. Fifty-five, FINALLY it happened.
  Like those who quit smoking and proudly know that exact moment they took control, I kind of wish I had an exact date to celebrate each year, to make telling my little story right here or to my friends a little more official. A little more like the Big deal I feel it is. I know and admire so many who've had it happen to them at a MUCH younger age and then there are those I've met, bless their hearts, who seem to just be born with it.

I'm talking about confidence. Specifically The Confidence it takes to Refuse to take anyones bullshit anymore. I'm Done. that's all I keep saying in 2015.  I'm done.  I don't know how else to explain the feeling.  I am just not letting ANyone ruin my happy, positive heart.  I don't want negativity to crowd a heart that truly is looking for the good, looking for a peaceful groove. Looking to just exist in a happy environment, looking to continue to be kind to others and breathe comfortably in my skin. Skin that I am so grateful to be in. I'm grateful to be healthy, to be here, to give love and be loved. As much as kindness is my motto and I've really tried to spread that kindness even in the face of rudeness. I'm done being foolishly kind. If you are rude to me I will sure let you  know how rude you are or how you're making me feel. Because, it's bullshit to treat people like they're beneath you. It's bullshit to spread your toxicity and your own miserableness. It's bullshit not to try to be kind to others. "when given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.~ Dr Wayne W. Dyer” 
Being a hairstylist, there's a lot of rudeness that I've just accepted and usually try to just brush off. (eh hem).
  Like a client who could for example ask.. "lu, can you razor my bangs again", but instead rudely states ... "today You're going to razor my bangs".
That client? well, they better be careful now. First off, even with the old me... hello! I've got a very sharp razor near your rude face!
(and I'm sicilian!! :)

 Happiness is contagious. Kindness is contagious. Negativity is too. I don't want to be around anyone who is going to continually bring me down and drain my energy. Energy vampires. Of course we all have our bad days and days where we rant in our blogs :)  or to our friends and family and I truly DO want to hear when people I love are having troubles or a bad day. But I'm talking about those  people who spread negativity every freaking time they're with you. I'm done. Life is definitely too short to waste on them. I may lose a couple of relationships. I am definitely going to lose a few clients.  No matter the consequence for speaking my mind and expressing my feelings.  Love me/hate me, it's your choice.

This is an empowering feeling. I wish it would have happened to me sooner. But I'm just happy it happened and I'm feeling good about it. that's all I wanted to share today.

I'm done.