As I mentioned in my Friday fill in, I was looking very forward to redeeming my massage gift certificate tonight! It was a very thoughtful mothers day gift from my husband and youngest son. I had so enjoyed my last massage at my usual spa/nail salon.
Well, the last masseuse went back to korea so Tonight I was to receive my hour long massage from Teresa. I find it very amusing, that each Korean technician adopts an american name which has No correlation to their given names.
The massage room was the same, the same dim lighting, the same aromatic candles, the same heated table with soft comfortable blankets. I noticed the music was different. The last Korean girl, "Gina" played soft asian sounding music with sound effects of water trickling and windchimes blowing. Tonight, it was more along the lines of the soundtrack to deliverance. too much banjo strummin and a bit too up tempo. I tried to zone out the tunes and the image of that kid in that disturbing movie and tried to relax and focus on the warm creams, hot towels and the deep tissue massaging. I was really in the zone till Teresa lowered the blankets and began rubbing my ass.
She must have felt the tension in my buttocks, because in broken english she asked me a question, that I didn't quite catch but caught the gist of, she asked- Mass aj glooose?? Well, I must say I was not really sure of my answer! I am not an ass massage virgin mind you, my husbands full body massages are amazing and include much ass massaging. However, in all my platonic massage experiences- I have had the most discreet sessions. They've never even viewed my butt never mind kneading it like a giant ball of playdough. So, I lifted my stomach from the bed, turned my head toward her and in my best classy long island accent I asked "WHAWT???" I finally understood she was asking- Massage Glutes?? Before I could reply she tried explaining that "women especially need their Asses ( well she said Glutes) massaged." Apparently men may have tension headaches but we carry all our stress in our asses. I must change the subject a minute for my story to progress...
Age is an amazing thing! On the one hand you have MoRe wrinkles, MoRe sagging and mORe gray hair on the other hand is the absolute best part of aging- LESS inhibitions! Ten years ago when I walked my (much better looking) Ass into a fancy salon for my very first massage, tonight's Ass masssage situation would have made me VErY uncomfortable, embarrassed and it would have probably turned me off to the whole massage scene! BUT, being nearly FORTY nine yrs. old instead of thirty nine uptight years old, I replied to Teresa- "Sure, it feels great!" And it did feel great, but I found my mind drifting to WHAT Teresa may suggest when I rolled over onto my back?? Do we women ALSO carry too much stress in our Boobs?? Tension returned to my Ass as I pondered my defense! Tension also returned as I remembered Once when I was getting a manicure... Teresa Asked if my breasts were 'REAL'? I had thought it was such an odd question and I had the other korean girls laughing when I asked them if that was what she had just asked! She had then strangely admired and complimented my generous (stress?)-FULL bosom!
Now, here she was a bit uncomfortably close for.. well, um comfort.
The Discreet rollover.
The shoulder massaging.
The head massaging.
The face massaging.
and wait... What is this??? She is massaging INSIDE my ears! Weird Chick? YES, but thankfully, she stayed away from the girls, and my left jab! ( my idea for the most effective defense!)
Now PLEASE, Please tell me.... Have you ever had a massage AND if so... Did it include your ass?
I am just so curious if I just had a really thorough massage tonight or Will my Ass be featured on Utube Or Teresas bedroom wall tomorrow?
(didn't this post just SCREAM for a barry white tune? hope you're listening!)
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