mac less

I love my computer but I hate computers. I will be without mine for possibly 7-10 days. I took my oldest sons advice a couple of years ago and bought a mac. "Oh they are so reliable and easy and never get viruses!" Well, it would be my luck that instead of a virus I have a computer that is running hot & wild. Cds flying across the room, cds refusing to eject.Turning itself off when it should be sleeping. Who needs this nonsense? You're right however, We all need this nonsense. We are so accustomed to them. I felt like I was leaving one of my kids alone at the mall. I was wacky enough to say "take good care of him." So right now I am struggling on my sons laptap which is so uncomfortable because I am not used to it. He is also annoyed that I even want to.(he said yes, but you know how you can just see how impatient someone is feeling?) I promised not to touch anything of his, because the last time I shut it down incorrectly and closed the top!! oooohhh such a bad mom! He made me think I broke the stupid thing. After 2 years with my mac I already forgot what to do with a PC. Now I can't find spell check... Oh well, if you need me... call me

puzzled

This weeks prompt for scribblings is PUZZLED.
This week I've been puzzled by many things, what really stands out is Loneliness. I had a client almost break down as she quietly confessed how lonely she feels. It was a very sad and awkward moment. She was already in her coat getting ready to leave my salon. She has a husband, grown children and many friends. Isn't it puzzling that with all these wonderful people to share her life, she still is feeling so alone? It was a hesitant, last minute decision to share this very private, very real feeling. I hugged her and asked her to stay and we could talk, but she felt embarrassed I think and didn't want to trouble me, knowing I had an appointment to get to. How could I not reach out and try to sit and console this woman? With tears brimming, she quickly thanked me and said "don't worry" and was on her way. She left but her sadness stayed with me. How many of us are feeling lonely and have no one to confide in? I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse that people seem to want to "open up" to me. Many years ago I had asked a coworker if he had a difficult time hearing peoples woes. He said "when they leave their problems leave with them." I wish I could be that way, but I feel what they feel. I find myself thinking of these stories of sorrow while trying to live my happy little life!
On a much, MUCH lighter note, another thing I am puzzled by this week is undergarments.
I bought a beautiful dress for an upcoming wedding, but odd as it is, my girls are letting me down
I saw a show about celebrities getting ready for the oscars. They showed all these VERY big girls in thin spaghetti straps and strapless and one strapped dresses. How the hell Are THEIR girls so high-spirited? If there is a perky trick out there helping these size G girls, I need to find it. Why can't my girls soar? They've been good girls and have done very well by me. They deserve an uplifting night on the town. ( any tips or inventions welcomed!)

Miss Lucys Wild ride

Today as my son and I were driving to his doctors appointment, we were totally aghast by the sight of a burnt car flying in the air straight towards us! As we were headed West on the parkway driving in the left hand lane- a car heading East, apparently already charred, was flipping over and over as it sailed through the air. The image is still surreal. I was terrified and quickly swerved into the center lane, thank god no one was there, maybe they were and they swerved too. I swerved quickly back to the left only to see debris flying straight toward my windshield. ( my son said it was a muffler?? who knows)
I was screaming, I was crying my legs were shaking..... But my son... my 14 year old son was amazingly stoic.. He yelled "MOM Just Drive straight and fast!" Being in the left lane doing 70 when this all occurred and occurred SO quickly, I didn't stop, I didn't pull over. I just kept driving... straight and fast. I kept crying and shaking and I said " oh my god, people must have died back there, that could have been us". The image of that car flying and turning is still haunting me. I have viewed the local news and have heard nothing about it. I can't imagine how fast that car was going to become airborne. I can't imagine how many other drivers were also killed. I feel guilty that I didn't do anything. We got to his appointment on time. Like nothing had happened. It reminds me of how fragile life is, how unpredictable, how precious. Right before this all happened, I had been lecturing my son about how messy his room has been. When we were sitting in the waiting room and the shaking stopped, I apologized for caring about dirty clothes and gum wrappers. I gave him another hug. I am so grateful he is okay.
I really wish everyone would drive more carefully. In the past 10 years or so, I have seen a change on the roads.(No, it's not that I am just old). I know I have blogged about it already. I have to say it again. We are all too distracted, selfish and careless on the roads. Please, Let's all realize our cars are weapons. Please use your blinkers, Please don't drive too fast & don't tailgate, Please consider and respect others. Let's all be careful out there. One careless mistake can destroy so many lives.

A dream within a dream

Does anyone out there know how to interpret dreams? I have been experiencing some really bizarre, puzzling dreams.
On many nights I have been dreaming about babies. The bizarre thing is, I am always being neglectful of the baby. I am going about my different activities, and all of a sudden, it's like the light bulb goes off and I remember I have a baby who has not been changed or fed or held! I'm not sure if it is one of my own babies or if I am watching someone's baby. It's very disturbing and I always wake feeling very upset. One night I had a similar one about puppies.
( baby dogs). This one was more horrific because unlike the babies who are soiled, hungry and upset- These puppies were totally forgotten about in my basement. After the whole summer went by I finally remembered them and when I ran downstairs to rescue them they had disintegrated and only Huge golden powder puffs of fur were blowing around like tumble weeds! It was like a horror movie! I woke up from this one terrified! My husband thought I was influenced by that horrible scene in the movie Superman Returns, where one dog eats another. I had watched that movie a few nights before the dream. That doesn't explain the numerous forgotten baby dreams. My girlfriend thinks it means that I have way too much on my mind and I have been very forgetful, so I am worried I may forget something important. I'm not sure she is right. I am wondering If I am the baby? Am I feeling I don't take good care of myself? I do feel dreams are important puzzle pieces, illustrating what we are feeling subconsciously. What do you think? What crazy dreams do you repeatedly have? I would really love to understand these dreams. But, for tonight, I am hoping to forget them and just sleep like a baby.

Movie review

We just finished watching the movie "the departed". If you haven't seen it don't read any further, I'd hate to ruin a movie for anyone....... It was Very suspenseful, It was very interesting but I had a real problem with that ending! Sometimes films give you alternate endings. Well, my opinion is One of those alternates should always be a chick friendly finale. Turn that gruesome, violent ending into a chick flick fantasy. Leonardo lives, he gets the girl the glory the badge of merit and maybe even a sequel. Now that is something I would watch again and again. I have never been a big Leonardo DiCaprio fan, but seeing him recently in "The basketball Diaries" I was truly impressed. He really is a brilliant actor. He shows that brilliance again in "the departed". I am surprised he wasn't nominated for an award. If you've read this and you haven't seen it, See it, it was good, but you will be thinking of this and be perturbed at me or yourself for not stopping at the first line.

splish splash

My oldest son has loved the bathtub since as far back as I can remember. He can sit and soak forever. When he would come home from college on breaks, I would hear that water running and know that bathroom would be occupied for at least an hour. When he was in his younger years, I would always be able to tell when he was very stressed or frustrated at school. Those afternoons, instead of reaching for a snack, he would say "Mom, I feel like taking a bath".
Me on the other hand, I am a shower person. The other day I was feeling a bit stressed and thought I would take a cue from my wise oldest son. "I wish I was a bath person" was my thought. I made the water nice and hot, I added Dove body wash to have some bubbly effect, I lit many candles and placed them esthetically around the tub and over by the sink. I made a cup of Trader Jos bedtime tea. Slowly, I sank into this soothing, luxurious retreat. At first I breathed many cleansing breaths as if doing lamaze again. I closed my eyes, my fingers and toes started relaxing. My extremely tight neck felt looser- I thought, Gee why don't I ever take the time to do this? This is wonderful! After about 15 minutes of soaking and watching the steam rise off my bubbles, something happened that reminded me of What had happened years ago in a Hot yoga class. I felt this immense rush of crushing heat rising from somewhere below my waist up to my head, along with the worst pounding headache. The news headline of NAKED STROKE VICTIM passed through my mind. I couldn't stand up and get that Cold shower on quick enough. To Hell with those strategically aligned candles. They will have to get rinsed too. It took me a long time afterwards to get my body temperature back to normal. I put on summer pjs. I took 3 advils. My face was so red I could have burst into flames at any moment. Once you are in your 40's you don't fool around when racing pain goes to your head.
I'm Crushed that I'm just not a "relax and soak in the tub" kind of girl.

yummy

This weeks scribblings prompt brought to mind many naughty things.
Things Like Chocolate. Chocolate covered caramels. Chocolate covered nuts. Chocolate peanut-butter cups. Those are all the yummy favorites I usually receive on Valentines Day. This year However, I have instructed my lover, lover man to PLEASE stay away from my favorite chocolate shop. I am doing well on weight watchers this week and don't want to self destruct.
Yummy also brings to mind what I am cooking for dinner right now. On this cold February night- How does a delicious pot of beef stew sound? NO- Not Great for weight watchers but as long as I don't buy the italian bread that I usually enjoy dunking in the gravy, I will be able to eat a human amount.
Really quick here's this easy YUMMY recipe-
2 lbs of beef stew meat ( I go to my butcher and ask for that- Not sure what beef this actually is)
2 potatoes ( peeled and diced)/
2 potatoes (peeled and cut up)/ fresh or canned mushrooms/
a bag of carrots ( peeled & cut up)/ 1 can of peas/ approx. 2-3 cups of water/
An Onion and garlic (diced)/ 2 tbsp. of olive oil /
Small can of tomato sauce/ S&P/old bay seasoning

In a 4-qt. pot-
Saute the onions/garlic and beef till browned in the oil, ( 1st picture) then cover and simmer for 30 minutes
meanwhile prepare your vegetables ( 2nd Picture)
then add the 2 diced potatoes/ carrots /fresh mushrooms/ the water only from the cans of peas and mushrooms/ Salt & Pepper/old bay seasoning /1/2 of the small can of tomato sauce & approx. 2-3 cups of water (use less if using fresh mushrooms) ( If you don't like your carrots and mushrooms mushy like i do, you can add them later with the other potatoes)
Simmer for 1- 2 hours or more. One hour before eating add the other 2 cut up potatoes
(My discovery is that the diced potatoes get really mushy and thicken up the gravy so you don't need to add flour!
10 min. before eating add the canned peas ( if using canned mushrooms add them now too) mmmmm very yummy and should serve 4 normal people -in our house it serves 3!.
(took pic before adding the peas,to post it quicker)

It's a world of laughter a world of tears

So often I am blown away by what a small world we live in.
Recently though, I had a chilling day when one of my clients (I'll call her Mary) thought another client (Sadie) looked very familiar. Both these women are in their mid 70's. Knowing they had both raised their kids in my area, I suggested maybe their kids went to high school together? "No!", Mary was insistent- "That's not it!". Then I suggested - Are you both from the same church? Again Mary- Very sharp and determined - " That's not it". Meanwhile Poor Sadie sat clueless and bewildered as Marys face & name didn't ring a bell. All of a sudden Mary Jumps up and yells " Oh MY GOD! I went to high school with you!"
Was your name Sadie So&So?? Is your sister Sandy So&So??? Well, the emotions and reminiscing that followed left me chilled, teary and unable to work! They had both lived in Brooklyn and high school was more than 55 years ago.
Mary was BEST friends with Sadie's sister. Sadie's husband was friends with Marys brother. What really broke me up though, was as they were asking each other- have you seen Frankie or Joe or Sandy or Chicky.... the answers were almost always the same...... Gone! ( Oh dear, I was so depressed.) They named about 15 names ( including their spouses) and my goodness gracious they had all passed away. I thought it odd, since the average life expectancy ( I think) is the mid 80's. How sad for these two people to have lost so many friends. They responded with shock and tears on some of the unexpected passings. They also got very quiet at one point as if trying to digest all of this distasteful new information on so many old acquaintances. What also blew me away, when Sadie was ready to leave- there were no hugs or phone numbers exchanged. I thought for sure they would have wanted to spend more time talking about old times.
Instead Sadie said "Wow, such a small world, what a small world". Mary just shook her head in agreement.
I think their memories were too sweet, their journey too quick and their loss too heartbreaking.
It was such a reminder of how short a time we all have and how important it is to adore each precious day & each precious person.

super bowl sunday

Put on a happy face

5 things that made me happy this week
ONE- being tagged by Jane
(My wonderful blogging buddy) to do this prompt.
TWO- After an ER trip and a serious scare with my youngest son
finding out he is A- OKAY!
THREE-Having an amazing girlfriend give me sound advice and a loving shoulder when I really needed it
FOUR- eating 3 delicious pieces of Pizza (despite weight watchers)
FIVE- Celebrating my middle sons 20th birthday!
Thanks Jane! I thought it was an awful week- but you helped me see there was good, indeed!

What's so good about goodbye

When is it time to end a friendship? Whether that friendship is with a relative or a friend. How much pain should one person endure just to keep another person you love in your life? When a loving relationship become a heartache-Is that the time to Stop trying? When one person is apparently not willing to be forgiving or compromising? Should one continue loving unconditionally even if the others love is NOT unconditional? If you are left feeling abandoned and betrayed, If you are disrespected and dishonored. If you are totally misunderstood and judged unfairly. If your many attempts at reconnecting are met with a vicious, indifferent, unloving attitude, I guess it is time to say
Goodbye.

Chronic Chronicles

This weeks Sunday Scribblings topic is Chronicles. I am so disappointed that I am feeling even Less Prolific than usual.
So I will go for definition #2 and attempt to do a detailed narrative report of all the things I've wanted to accomplish around here.

-Put on goggles and a particle mask and attempt to clean all the ceiling fans.
( maybe a rain coat too?)
-Clean out my living room closet so i can store the vacuum there without having to put all my weight against the door.
-( First-Put on a girdle) and try to clean out my bedroom closet - Get rid of all NON fitting Pants
-Get the shop vac from the garage and try to vacuum the boiler room till I see... A boiler
-Go through ALL the saved paid bill receipts that I've been piling on a shelf in above mentioned living room closet
( What do Normal people do with all these?? Do I need to keep them? Help me- I'm drowning in useless paper)
- Utensil draw crumbs!
-refold underwear draw.... THROW out orange bikinis (from Fantasy post) and Other Un- Desirable Unmentionables
And last but probably the one i will have the most difficult time doing-
-Organize pictures from the last 22 years, and make a scrapbook for each of my deserving kids. ( any advice on "how to scrapbook" or more importantly "how to get organized"
or actually even MORE important- " how to get motivated"- Would be greatly appreciated-..

fantasy

Like most women, I find shopping for a dressy dress almost as torturous as the dreaded bathing suit search. However, Yesterday my shopping experience was terrifying. I finally found a dress I liked. They didn't have my size. The saleswoman suggested I try the dress anyway, If I liked it, they could order my size. Fine. The pickings were so slim, Even though I knew this dress was probably one or two sizes too small, I decided to forge ahead. I entered the the desolate hallway that housed 3 small fun house mirrored boxes. In my foolish haste, I forced this tiny beaded contender over my crazed (apparently) Large head. I squirmed and shimmied and shoved and pulled. I got it over my huge head and managed to strangle my raised arms as well. That was it. I was stuck like that. Panic struck. I wanted to call out for help but the glimpse of my bikini underwear barely on ,while a beaded straight jacket covered my head and arms, was too embarrassing to draw attention to. The mental image (or in this case - fantasy) was clear and frightening. The firemen are called- they need the jaws of life to remove the assailant. I am left in my bright orange (too small) bikinis, battered, bruised, breathless (bra-less) and totally mortified. BUT- The handsome fireman (who axed the door down)gives a sexy smile & his bright yellow jacket to cover my flustered, perspired body.
Even though the fantasy of him eases my panic a smidge- I know I need to do this on my own. Miraculously, through my one eye that isn't enshrouded in material- I spy a Zipper! Oh my God, this dress had a zipper? I manage to reach it and pull just enough to get a whole hand out. I escape! Let me tell you though, For Five LONG minutes I didn't think I would without ripping that (fantasy sized) bully in two.

A Meme

I was tagged by the Delightful Jane. I'm so happy that she chose me because I love reading her beautifully written blog.

This is how it works:
1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

I'm too young to get old by Judith Reichman, M.D.>
We all- doctors and patients alike-need to get the full picture. Are we dealing with dying parents(80 percent of all 50 yr, olds have a living mother or father, and 25% of us have to take time off from work without pay to care for them)? Do we have adolescent children whose remarks or behaviors make us feel old and ineffectual, or a spouse who's sick, either mentally or physically?

Okay i have done my first Meme! ( what the F*%$ is a Meme anyway? I have seen some that are lists of things)
Anyway, This is one too i assume. So now I have to tag 3 people. Let's see.....?????
I have to tag the only other bloggers I know! haha Sorry guys if you don't want to play... No Problem!
I tag annie, Ally,
and Jenny
Hope it's fun. Thanks Ladies. :)

Stuffed Peppers

Weight Watchers update.
I haven't mentioned this diet in a long, long time. Yes, I am still trying. Yes, I am still struggling. Yes, I am still hungry.
I had lost 9 pounds since starting on Oct. 3rd. This week,I have gained 3 pounds. At first, I hopped off that scale and thought-This is so unfair. This is so ridiculous. Then I started adding up all the points I never wrote down. The Eggplant rollatini at Emilio's. The 2nd hamburger on a KAISER ROLL. The handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate morsels as I pass the pantry.( i foolishly bought the humongous bag from Costco, for the few cookies i baked )
That's it! I am going to start again. Tonight I made Stuffed peppers that I think are SO good! They are low on points but a little time consuming. Would you like the recipe? You would! I like to make 6 of these so we can have it another night.

6 red peppers- Cut off tops (It looks nice if you save the top and put it back on after pepper is filled, i don't do this anymore because we don't want that much pepper)( okay, you're right- It's because I'm in a hurry) Clean out peppers. Wash them and put them in a steamer ( my preference) or just in a pot of water to boil. Don't let them get too soft.
Meanwhile make your sauce. I like to do it this way-
saute 1 1/2 onions, and 4 cloves of garlic and fresh parsley in a little bit of olive oil. Low heat till very soft
When done- remove 1/2 and put aside ( you will use this later for the meat)
Add two large cans of tuttorosso ( or your favorite) crushed tomatoes. Add Fresh oregano and basil , Sea Salt and Pepper , 2 or 3 drops of tabasco sauce.
( For pasta sauce I would also add red wine) ( just in case you want to know)
bring to boil then simmer.
Now it's time to make up your filling
I like to use turkey chop meat ( only because of W.W.-If I was eating my old way it would be pork/veal mix.) Trust me- If you don't have a dress to fit into for an upcoming wedding- You should GO for THAT!
In large non stick fry pan brown 2 pkgs. of chop meat. (about 2 lbs?) Drain ALL the fattening meat juice. Now add the sautéed onion mix. that you saved. 1 can of diced tomatoes.A few ladles of your delicious simmering sauce. Salt and Pepper and Old Bay spice. ( of course you should elaborate and make this your own filling- maybe you would love cumin or zest it up with some curry)
Once this is all stirred together and you taste it and it's delicious- You can start filling it into your pepper.
I like to put the sauce in an ovenproof bowl then the peppers. (Use a slotted spoon so they aren't too wet.)
At this point you can sprinkle a little FAT FREE mozzarella . I like to do all this work ahead of time. Then I bake it for about 30 min.( till every thing is nice and hot.) I serve it over Brown rice with a vegetable. My husband Loves sautéed mushrooms with this. It makes a filling addition to the meal. Make sure you Glob lots of sauce over rice and mushrooms and Yum! Hope you enjoy this!

Lights On (hope u will help)

I have a friend who is doing all she can to make a difference in our world. I have been lucky enough to know her since the day she was born. I have never met a young woman with more kindness and compassion for humanity. When she was a young teen, I remember asking her what she wanted to do in life. I will never forget her powerful answer. She replied- " I want to make a difference". Well, She certainly is. One of her many Ideas, is participating in a marathon to raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma. I'm hoping if you think it's a good idea too, you will visit Elanas training page and make a contribution of whatever you can afford. I'm so impressed with Elanas Determination and drive. She is an inspiration to all generations. Go Elana! I Love you and I am rooting for you!
For more on Ideas go here

Cosmo

Peeking out as if to say, "Can't you see how comfortable I am?" Cosmo the sleepyhead schnoodle enjoys his daily nap, curled up like a baby. His back leg is laying up near his head- It's difficult to see clearly because of the black background of his favorite chair.
This little pooch would sleep all day (if only his bitch Molly would let him!)

Lights out

What's the big Idea?
Who's Idea was this?
Any one have any Ideas?
Good Idea?
Bad Idea?
Bright Idea?
I have NO idea at all.

Bewildered

Recent conversation with my mom- "Mom, I have great news! Your grandson has graduated from college!" ( then i go on to explain to her (again) what his major is, That he has earned a Bachelors Degree. That we are so relieved because Math almost held him up from completion. We are SO proud of him! He is SO proud of himself!)
Moms reaction- "So when does he go back up to school?"

Oh Pabbi Minn

My dad passed away when I was 3 years old. My memories of him are more ingrained in me because of the stories I've heard about him. I'm not sure if they're real memories. My dad had a heart condition that was brought on from having Rheumatic Fever as a child.( With todays medical technology, he could have been cured.) He was frail and restricted from vigorous activities. One story about him was that he always carried me around on his shoulders. My mom would always worry that I was too heavy and would tell him to put me down. As a parent myself, I understand why he didn't listen. If you know you aren't going to be with your kids for too much longer, you take your chances and hang on tight. I was ( and still am) " the baby" of the family.
( When you are "the baby" you take this title with you till the end! I'm 47 and my mom still refers to me as the baby).

The weird thing about losing someone so important at such a young age is that the grieving process is the opposite of losing someone as an adult. As an adult the pain is present for a long time and fades a bit, the longer time has passed. The opposite is what I've been experiencing. Of course at 3 years old I had no clue of what was happening to my family. As I grew, there were times I felt curious and even embarrassed about not having a dad. During my teen years, I thought often of him and wanted to hear the stories and "get to know" him. As a young woman planning my wedding I wept -- knowing that he wouldn't walk me down the aisle. He wouldn't know the woman I had become or the man I was going to spend my life with. Now, 44 years after he has died, I think of him often and get choked up as I am now, trying to write this.
One of my favorite songs brings me to tears each time I hear it. It is Bjorks version of an old song called oh my papa. In her native icelandic language it translates to Pabbi Minn. ( If you click this you can hear her beautiful version) Even though I don't understand a word she is saying, I can't hear this song without missing my poor dad. As I listen to her flawless, gripping voice- I can imagine myself weightless on his loving shoulders, being carried into my future with him always being there, making my childhood simply idyllic.