Friday, December 10, 2010

Somedays, aren't yours at all

Why is my body betraying me so much? I feel like, for every positive baby step I take forward, my body takes 2 giant negative steps backwards. I haven't been feeling well lately, I kept blaming menopause, but after feeling faint while driving the other day, I decided to listen to my dr. and see a neurologist. He took an hours worth of notes on all that's been going on and Now i am waiting for authorization for another mri. Meanwhile, yesterday, despite feeling shitty from this cold I've been fighting, I made the stupid decision to NOT cancel my zumba class and I showed up to teach.

After 45 min into the class, I started getting those same scary feelings... black spots in front of my eyes, the sound of the music became muffled, I was lightheaded, clammy and nauseous, I knew I was going to go down. I stopped the music and told the class I wasn't feeling well and needed a minute. Thank goodness my good friend was in my class, she came running and had me sit down and prevented my fainting. Also, one of my students coincidentally was a dr. and she came running as well. She wanted to call an ambulance, because she couldn't feel my pulse and the dizziness was Not passing. Long story shortened, i instead saw my dr.(well, her NP) who said I have a sinus infection. I'm not saying I know MORE than a nurse practitioner, but I know MY body and MY history and I feel I had such POOR medical care. I was feeling SO lethargic and was FREEZING with chills, even though I had no fever, yet she didn't do any blood work. My history shows my blood count goes dangerously low when I'm sick. I came home from that appointment and stayed under a million blankets and just shook for hours! I slept for 15 hours. Today I am still light headed and am so scared to feel faint again while home alone. I know it's silly to feel so pessimistic but between this problem, my knee problems, and my migraines... I am worried that my much desired zumba career, may have to be nixed. I don't know why, but whenever I don't feel well, I just cry like a big baby. I also, can't help but think THE WORST. My Aunt died of brain cancer, My Grandma died before I was born due to a heart attack in her sleep at age 55! I am scared to be sick. I wish I could be an optimistic person. But, I keep hearing of SO many young people with dreadful circumstances, I am worried I will be one too. (here come the tears again) Somedays, it's just not possible to be the positive Lucy who is always looking for the good. :(


7 comments:

Giggles said...

Oh Lucy Pepper just went through a bout of two weeks with vertigo...remember last year you both had vertigo around the same time....but she had hers on Christmas day... another relative just had it too and didn't know how to describe it...both Pepper and her had one droopy eye for a bit. Being in her fourties she thought she had a stroke, but it cleared up! The vertigo is faintly lingering but comes back if she moves her head around too much. The corelation between all three of you women is that you are small in stature. And it was way below freezing when it started.... there just might be something to that sinus issue. I think this time of year is very stressful for woman anyway. Add all that you have on your plate, all I can say is WOW.... take care dear friend. I hope it's just the flu...don't be surprised if it lasts longer than normal... Take care of yourself! Your body may be forcing you to slow down! Feel better soon, I have a good feeling that it's nothing serious. Big hugs and love to you!

Sherrie

Lucy said...

thanks dear sherrie! hope Pep is feeling better now!
that vertigo is a NIGHTMARE! remember i had the epli maneuver to cure mine? crazy procedure!
I am pissed that i have to slow down, but i know you're right! thanks for writing! miss our talks! xox

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Having a back problem for years I know how it feels to have ambitions that your body cannot keep up with. Sherri is right you just need to chill out for awhile. when we are disappointed we tend to let our worries run wild. take care.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Having a back problem for years I know how it feels to have ambitions that your body cannot keep up with. Sherri is right you just need to chill out for awhile. when we are disappointed we tend to let our worries run wild. take care.

Lucy said...

thanks Tamara... sorry you have back problems, i don't think i knew that. you take care too xox

Forgetfulone said...

You're human. We love you even when you're not having the most positive day.

Lucy said...

aww thanks Diana! I am just seeeing this now!
I love u too! xox