dangerously honest

Is it dangerous to throw our feelings out to cyber space? Since joining face book, I am realizing that so much that I had written on this blog, that i felt so safe to share with unknown readers, is now being read by people who are actually in my life, who actually mean a lot to me. I was so naive to think i was ever being anonymous on the WORLD WIDE web! What a moron! Speaking from the heart, honestly, pouring out your feelings, letting hurtful memories dance free on the page instead of festering in your gut, without considering WHO may read them, may have been dangerous but it was also therapeutic. After the phone call I just had... I am throwing danger to the Wind of the web once more! It's not that I haven't learned my lesson... NO.. it's that i've reached a point where i just don't give a damn anymore! I have reached a point where I am tired of always trying to be the respectful daughter to a mother who is clueless to what respect means. Dangerous yet? you betcha!
I feel so hurt today, but it IS my own fault. When will I learn that I can't ever tell my mom something in confidence? Venting my feelings to her last week only to find out she called my sister and misconstrued my entire point? Shouldn't a mother try to bring her children CLOSER together?? I know that's what I do. I am Always encouraging my sons to be close. For her to go out of her way and TRY to make trouble between her two daughters seems dangerously demented. For her to then try and deny the fact that it was anything but hurtful and wrong, makes it all the more hurtful. WHY would a mom do this? Does AnYONE have some insight?

To make the conversation just a wee bit more painful, when something she said brought me back to the fact that she abandoned me at 17 years old and chose her 3rd husband over her daughter, she conveniently had amnesia to THE ENTIRE EVENT in our history. I had to tell her the story and RE-Live it again in my heart. She claimed she has NO memory of it all going the way it went. She sounded shocked by her actions over 30 years ago. She didn't even remember the fact that my sister stopped speaking to her for 2 years over how She treated me.
It was NOT my intention to make my mom feel badly about herself today.It was my intent to tell her HOW disappointed she made me by disrespecting my confidence in her. NOW I am left with my heart aching all over again. The pain this woman continues to give me is dangerous to my well being. The well being blogging continues to give me just seems to help me to heal.
sunday scribblings

Inheritance tracks

My talented, lovely friend Keith over at Keiths ramblings Passed this on to me....
Keith wrote...."Every Saturday morning at about 9.50am, the BBC’s ‘sensible’ channel, Radio Four, broadcasts a short feature called ‘Inheritance Tracks. Each week a person of fame, intelligence, notoriety or illustriousness selects two pieces of music: the first is a recording which has been part of their lives for as long as they can remember, and the second, a track which they would like to pass on to future generations. Although I have myself broadcast on the radio in the past, I’m not of sufficient prominence to be invited to contribute to this delightful weekly diversion, so I thought I’d set up my stall here! May I present to you the Inheritance Tracks of.... ME!"

Well Keith, Here is MY View on the subject!... I've given this some thought, yet I still would like to choose the FIRST song that popped into my head when I First read the first part of your prompt. For as Long as I can remember my mother loved to sing. As a child I didn't appreciate her love for music as much as I wish I would have. I have such vivid memories of going to many house parties as a child and EVERY time, no matter where we were, my mom would break out into song! I remember clearly being mortified! My siblings and I would roll our eyes and feel the heat of embarrassment cover our red little faces! Today, I think back to those days and feel pride for her fun loving spirit and regret that I wasn't mature enough to appreciate and truly enjoy her self confidence and outgoing nature. She sang many songs and today at 81 years old, she STILL has a very powerful voice and is often heard belting out tunes in the surgery waiting room at the hospital that she volunteers at!
ONE song stands out over all the rest, maybe because i knew it was considered a 'dirty' song and that of course is Quite impressive to any kid! It was difficult to find the complete song on you tube. My mother seemed to have many extra verses about lazy mary because I remember one verse being about a butcher man...Well here it is.. First verse in Italian and second in English... just the way mama sang it! I can see her clearly. She's laughing and gesturing with the lyrics and has a captivated audience who are all so happy they came to this fun party! This song really has been part of my life since the day I was born and will always be in my heart next to mama mia. Please listen to... C'e La Luna Mezzo Mare


Now.. as far as a song that I would love to pass on to future generations.... That's easy.. Even though there are a zillion inspirational songs with beautiful messages out there... There is only one that sums it all up so beautifully for me, so hopeful, so moving, so what I hope for future generations... Just Imagine all the possibilities..


(thanks mr.keith! not only did i enjoy doing this... You've got me blogging again!) xoxo

My frog sleeps with the fishes :(

It began about 8 weeks ago... every evening while mr. petals and I were soaking in the hot tub, we noticed a cute little frog sitting on our patio. He seemed so content and he seemed to be watching us. Our dogs would not move a muscle... they just stood at attention watching the frog watching us. I wasn't positive it was his home, but the frog always seemed to be standing near a very wide crack in our patios cement. I imagined he lived in there. Mr. Petals said it did seem likely, and once we did see him jump in there.

On fathers day, Mr. Petals had big plans! I bought him a fountain for his beautiful flower garden that he's been creating. He and our sons were out there all day, digging a trench to lay the wiring for the fountain, cementing the box for electric, laying down new mulch and erecting the new fountain! Everything went smoothly! it came out BEAUTIFUL! (see photo below!!) That night while we soaked his aching muscles in our hot tub, I looked over the edge to the broken spot in our patio, where I knew my little frog friend would be spying on us.
What I saw made me Scream and startle Mr. Petals muscles into knots again!! The crack was cemented shut! SEALED UP! and sadly there was NO Frog in sight! ANYWHERE!! "WHAT DID U DO??" YOU KILLED OUR FROG!!?? Defensively, Mr. Petals said.." I did not! He wasn't in there when I fixed that!" To which I replied.. 'OH really?? HOW do u know that??!! Did You try to move something in there to see if he was there?? Did u even THINK about that frog when you sealed up his home??!!" I was so upset! He kept saying.. "OH come on! He wasn't in there!" and I said... "Look around?? THEN WHERE IS HE??? You gave him cement shoes!"

That poor little frog!! Maybe I am overly sensitive, but my heart is breaking for that little creature!!
Please don't think 'Don' Petals is a monster... In his defense... The heat was RIDICULOUSLY intense that day and that big crack was dangerously close to a set of steps which was hazardous, so in his busy, exhausting day.. he took advantage of the extra cement he had mixed and tried to hit all the spots that needed fixing that he saw. I so wish He would have thought to wiggle a stick in that crack first, tragically he didn't. But now.. for the rest of his years, he will have to deal with me and my comments... referring to him as a mobster who killed an innocent frog.
(as he looks out the window)- " Looking for another frog to bump off?"
(as he soaks in the hot tub)- " You know, I heard he had a wife and 10 tiny toads to feed"
(just for the hell of it) "any other amphibian vendetta's I should know about?"
(when we step over that cemented crack)- "I saw some butterflies today.. you wanna maybe put the muscle on 'em? or just rub em out?"

It's going to take me a little time before I lay low and let it go! In the meanwhile, I think of this beautiful planting as a memorial to Enrique (that's what I was going to name him) :((

Did U ever?

If you've had enough of hearing about my weird dreams throughout the years.. mouse click yourself Out of here! this one is the weirdest one YET!

COYOTES! TALKING COYOTES! CUNNING ARTICULATE TALKING COYOTES! They come into my yard and I am always doing tons of yard work (which shows you just HOW unrealistic Dreams are, even more so than FReaking Talking coyotes!) So, at first one approaches as if he's a friendly helpful neighbor and he offers to finish up my sweeping or raking or mowing, Or whatever I'm busy with. My dream is SO real, I feel myself sweating from this hard work AND I can smell the soil! (but oddly, Not the coyotes bad breath) So anyway, back to the coyotes... After a few minutes of helping.. all of a sudden!...His FANGS come out (maybe I'm watching too much of the true blood show?) and the Coyotes (now all of a sudden there are MANY) Are chasing me to EAT ME UP! It's so scary! and I wake up in a sweat! (checking for calluses on my hands of course and making sure my nails aren't dirty!)

Like all my crazy dreams.. I need to analyze this one... This is what I think... I recently called to make vet appointments for my pets and when I was asking what they were due for...KITTY the receptionist (YES I know! what a perfect name!) said they were due for their Leptospirosis shot.. which is important because if WILD animals like raccoons (my brain? registered Coyotes!) come in the yard (hence...yard Work) and urinate and my dogs step in it and lick their paws.. they can get sick! (sick= eaten up)
I watched fantastic mr. fox about a two montha ago and the coyote DID speak a bit like My beloved George Clooney AND he appeared partially animated.. so there is that too..
What do u think of all this??

Miss Molly and MR. Grumpy pants McGreggor

cosmo on left... miss molly on right


So the other day, I wake up and go outside with my coffee and I hear my husband reprimanding our sweet little cockapoo Molly. Of course, without hearing the details, I defend little Molly... "Don't yell at her! You're scaring her! What did she do now?" So this is what he says.. "She went into the vegetable garden again and came out carrying a cucumber in her mouth with all the greens attached! She pulled it out by the root!" I ASK YOU BLOG READERS OUT THERE....HOW ADORABLE OF A SIGHT MUST THAT HAVE BEEN?!! I instantly giggled and said "Aww, but HOW cute she must have looked! I wish you would have snapped her picture!!" Which of course upset Mr. Petals (McGreggor) even more!! And reminiscent of the story of the little red hen that I read over and over again to our boys.... He began saying.. SURE..to you it's cute...you didn't rotatild the dirt, buy the vegetables, plant them or water them everyday!! WEll, he got his point across.. I certainly would have been frustrated as well. But OH the sight of little Molly with that bunch of greens and a cuke in her little mouth... running out of there, trying not to get caught! I still get a pang of the 'ooooh how cutes' every time i think of it! So I suggested he build a fence to keep her out after all she is like a baby and doesn't know better! WELL, that didn't go over too big and he suggested that I go build the fence! haha! Uh... I think instead... Let's just go buy the vegetables!

ME

sunday scribblings says...

me me me, write a post about me??!
maybe about me love for me very special family?
you see, they're a very big part of who is me
Or how About me love for varied musicality?
from soulful Ella to me funky black eyed peas
What About me love for dancing around so free?
could be anything from zumba to the tango for me
How About me love for Me sweet little doggies?
Mr. yappy comso and fat-ass miss Molly
Or me heart full of love for all me special buddies?
who describe me as compassionate and kind yet very funny
Maybe write of me passion for peace, humanity and mercy?
I KNOW!.... about Me love to attempt such masterful poetry!

Did U ever?

I was talking to a friend the other day and I brought up the following story which I hadn't thought about in a long time.When I was dating my husband he was SO infatuated with an OLD car my step father owned and mostly kept in the garage. It was a 1950's or 60's something or other with very low mileage and in mint condition. (I should probably know the details to help my story, this pic from google looks a bit like it) Anyway, throughout the years together dating and then married, My husband would often exchange fun banter with him like.. Please if you EVER think of selling 'her' PLEASE please ask me first. I would LOVe to own that Car. He was so complimentary too about HOW wonderful it was that Bob took such good care of it for so many years.. But of course old stepdad declared he would never sell it. After we had our 2nd son, my husband decided (against my protests) to buy a motorcycle. My mom and her (cranky) husband Also thought this was a foolish purchase and told him so. He didn't keep it too long because he too decided he didn't want to risk his safety with such small kids needing him.
Shortly after he sold it we had been at my moms visiting when Her husband told us that he SOLD the mint car! My husband looked at him in shock and said "Bob, why didn't you ask me, you knew how badly I wanted to buy that car."Bob responded coldly with... "well, You bought that motorcycle Pete, you didn't need the car too! So I sold it to my friend Leroy." ( Later we found out Leroy was a new guy at Bobs job that practically Stole the car from him, he sold it so cheap!)
My husband was not only baffled by this but also so so hurt. What was that?? Was it ignorance? Did he think it was his job to punish him for making a bad decision with the motorcycle? Was it spite? He actually said it spitefully like a bratty child would. Bob passed away many years ago and I've often thought if Mr. Petals still had that car, it would have been one way to have a nice memory of bob.., also,Who knows, it may have helped to form a nice bond between them creating some extra happy memories too. Instead, This act of spite or hatred or whatever it was, along with many other bizarre behaviors by him, left us feeling flat and disheartened. Certain things are just baffling and they make you question... where is the love?
(turn up volume)

Who you gonna Call?

(two robins with chocolate covered faces!)

Sunday Scribblings!...
Super hero brings TWO things immediately to this mama's mind!
my first two Boys! When they were small they had a costume draw FILLED with superhero costumes and each day I was never sure WHICH alter ego's name I had to use. Once while out to dinner, we ran into clients and introduced them to our sons and our eldest corrected me and said "that's NOt my name, my name is Bruce Banner!".. (he was feeling like the 'hulk' that day)
I was always at the flea market picking up inexpensive Green or black tights for my SONS! I remember it striking me VerY odd one day and I questioned if this was appropriate for me to be encouraging them to dress up in girls tights while sporting leather armor, masks and plastic weapons! I decided it was perfectly normal and when Ghost busters became their new passion, I even got them the full length ghostbuster jump suits that their New heros wore. They went EVERYWHERE in those beige jumpsuits along with backpack! (this next photo courtesy of google) I was only able to wash them when they got their batman pjs on and went to sleep!!
When my younger son came along the two older guys had already stopped 'dressing up' but that didn't stop all three of my sons from Always being superhero's in this mama's heart!

Music meme time!

trying out a new prompt site called The music meme although.. there is something familiar about it.. hmmmm I am wondering if I participated in it a few years ago and like everything else... I FORGOT.
OKAY.. this week it asks us to name the top 5 songs that make you think of your best friend..
Hmmm.
this is easy if I choose my husband since i've always felt he is my #1 best friend.
It's also easy because Mr. petals IS THE music man! he Knows, loves, eats and breathes it!
He has introduced me to so many great artists and constantly keeps up with new ones.
#1 your my best friend (queen)
This is really OUR song. it means so much to us and was the album he lent me when he was trying to Wooo me!
#2.. our wedding band couldn't play 'you're my best friend' so we chose 'Till there was you" (beatles) as our official dance song at our wedding and after 30 years together, it has also become 'our song'
#3. everybody hurts (rem) We went thru a very sad time with someone we love and this song seemed to come on constantly then and it always moved my husband to tears. I can't hear it without thinking about his heart and his sadness during that time.
#4. ANYThING by Bjork.. because I always remember him saying a day without bjork is like a day without sunshine, and making our teenagers friends laugh! haha Also because he introduced me to her music. But I will choose a specific song.. Hunter because this is the song he heard late at night when he couldn't sleep and he was haunted by her incredible voice.. ran out the next day to buy the cd and was THRILLED to learn she had others before this too!
#5 wounded bird (by Graham Nash) because again he introduced me to this album and I fell in love with it and he used to always sing the line to me..."feel a little smaller and in Stature you will rise"...
can I pick a number 6 too? Lazing on a sunday afternoon!(queen) instead of singing.. 'Fridays I go painting in the louvre'... My best friend ALWAYS sings fridays I go painting with LULUuuu . I've always just loved that and Him!

I have been chosen by Daily Panic over at a day on the orb Edge to receive this award! I was surprised because I haven't been blogging much lately and didn't think the crap UH I mean posts I've been writing were too creative. So THAnKS Panic.. this means a lot!

Now to get on with the rules of this award which will involve a series of truths and one lie or vice versa. (I did my own thing and decided to choose to lie 3 times and tell three truths.) Can u guess? I hope you'll guess.. or this HOUR worth of truth and lies took away from my life that is growing shorter and shorter as i type.

1. When I was a little girl I met Paul Anka who was a big to do back then. We were at my cousins party in Queens and he was there with her brother who was dating Pauls sister. He got up and sang a song called "Dance on little girl" so he picked me up and danced with me! He was so handsome and even though I was only about 4 years old.. I was smitten!

2. I met another celebrity when I was on a date with my husband. We went to the city to see Woman of the year with Rachel welch and Charles Bronson was sitting a few rows from us. He was pretty scary looking but I made sure I walked past him and said Hello Mr. Bronson. He nodded his head and said Hello back.. I'm So lame!

3. While I'm on the topic of celebrities... Before he was on Saturday night live or making movies or famous for AnYthing.. Eddie Murphy who is a long islander like me.. was at my local Ground Round restaurants comedy night and he begged them to give him a chance at stand-up. We were there that night and he BLEW away all the headlining comedians! It felt like only a few months later that he was a household name.

4. I guess I am on a celebrity roll without even planning this that way... Before she had her own talk show and became the woman we all seem to either hate or love... Rosie O'Donnel was getting her haircut by guess who?? NO, not me...MR. PETALS! She used to give us tickets to see her at a local comedy club and she always promised him that when she made it big... HE would be her personal hairstylist... Yeah Right!

5. Long Island has produced many famous people.. to name a few more...Billy Joel, Pat Benetar, The Baldwin Boys and one of My VERY favorites... Jerry Seinfeld! My connection? I've enjoyed Billy in concert, In the 80's people told me I looked just like Pat and one of my friends has been to a party with ALeC Baldwin (who he said is an asshole).. but Jerry... HE is my favorite celebrity of All... and here is what happened..
While at a traffic light in the early 90's out in Montauk... JERRY himself walked in front of my car!! I got SO excited, I beeped my horn and nearly gave the poor guy a heart attack!

6. Well since I do have another celebrity story from my past, I guess I have a theme going here..
Back in the late 70's I was working at a very Posh Salon and one day a limo pulled up and out Popped Cyndi Lauper! She was tiny but BIGGER than life. Before she was on her own she was in a band called the BLUE ANGELS.. There album has been one of my favorites from that day forward. She Was super friendly to everyone and my friend Tina (who was KNOWN for her artistry with crazy color) dyed Cyndi's hair HOT pinK! It wasn't long after that meeting that she became a pop icon! I've adored her forever!

My Nominee are:
1. Bone Not only do I love his writing but he was already nominated by daily panic too, so he can kill two awards with one great post. He is also my fellow Seinfeld lover!
2. Sherrie because she is not only creative and artistic she is one of my bestest blog friends and I adore her!
3. Diana is also a dear blog buddy and she writes creative posts from the heart!
4. Granny Smith: Because she melts my heart, she is brilliant and she also already has the task from Daily!
5. Skittles is awarded because of her creativity, honesty and humor! Another dear friend.
6. Keith because I think he is one of the most creative writers blogging or in print!! and he is the sweetest man I know!
7. Last but Not at all least... Tamara! Queen of humor, Queen of honesty and Queen of my Scrabble life and a Queen who is so creative and SO worthy! I love all these bloggers!
The rules for this award are:

- thank the person who gave you the award
- copy the logo and place it on your blog
- link to the person who nominated you
- tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself and at least one outrageous truth, or vice-versa
- nominate seven "creative" writers
- post links to the blogs you nominated


You may comment to say what you think my 3 truths are and I'll post the answers in a week.. (IF anyone responds!) haha Thanks!

Lucy WHO?

This week Sunday Scribblings asked us "what's your take on MESS?"
I would probably have answered this with a different answer a different day, but today.. I can't help answer that my memory is my take on a TOTAL mess! All of my menopausal friends joke about how deficient theirs are as well. They all try to make me feel normal when I can't find the missing word in a sentence or recall something they've already told me. However, yesterday really took the cake or in my case the PB&J. As I was making myself a peanut butter and raspberry preserves sandwich I really realized WHY the expression "a LIGHT bulb went off" when referring to memorizing something, is SO on the money! I stood like a deer in headlights and realized that for the last school year EVERY nite before bed, I Make up my pot of coffee for the morning and make my son a sandwich for school, and Like that bright light, It illuminated to me that I had FORGOTTEN to make his sandwich for at LEAST the last week!! Isn't that bizarre!? How could I have forgotten this? What is REALLy bizarre as well.. is that he never said ANYTHING to me! Not a reminder, nor a question as to why I stopped! I texted him and apologized and asked him WhAT he has been doing for lunch?? He said..'nothing, that's why I've been coming home so hungry'. HEllOoo??? who is wackier here???

If this memory dilemma isn't proof enough of my messy brain, Also yesterday I was giving directions to my home to out of town company who were staying only 5 minutes away and I BLANKED, I mean really blanked out on which way they should turn to come here!! I give these directions ALL the time to new clients! How can I forget? Good thing Mr. Petals was in the room and with a worried expression, he filled in my spaces. I've also been forgetting things I've confided in people, Forgetting birthdays, graduations, anniversaries (I used to be so great with dates) AND forgetting Clients names or mixing up the names. I had an Ellen and Evelyn at the same time, women I've known FOrEVer and EVERY time, EVERY single time I used their name, I said the others name!! At one point I really felt embarrassed by it!

I have had a lot on my mind lately, but is that really an excuse for this mess?
Between the recent migraines and this messy memory loss I am truly feeling worried and that worry fills my head and that takes up even more memory room which must be making my problem even worse!

Today I was talking to my friend about How a few years back i saw an older woman walking in my neighborhood and she kept turning around and then going the other direction and I could see she was VERY confused. I pulled my car over to her and said "are u okay? Do u need some help?" She was so sweet and looked embarrassed and said.. "I always walk up to the bakery and I was sure it was on this street but I can't find it." She was about two long blocks from the bakery so I offered to take her there, helped her up into my car and gave her a ride. After dropping her, I was worried that she wouldn't find her way back home. My friend then told me that almost the SAME thing happened to her a few years ago too, Only her poor passenger was looking for her own home in the pouring rain and had NO idea of the address or where to go. So my friend asked her to search her pockets and see if she had something with her address on it and the woman reached inside her rain drenched coat and pulled out a travel soap dish with a bar of soap in it!!
(HOLY Shit! Someone better start sewing address labels inside of all of my clothing!!)
My bewildered friend ended up calling the police station who had been alerted of a missing person from this poor souls family. Maybe she stepped outside to take a shower? Life... it's sometimes a sad, strange mess.

you're a good man charlie brown

hahahaha I am still laughing, but this is probably one of those funny things that you had to have been there. After a long day running around town with me, I happen to notice that mr. Petals had a huge BROWN stain right on the back of his black shorts! So laughingly I say ..OH MY GOD.. Did u POOP your pants?? So he pulls his shorts down (we were in our private backyard) and realizes that he must have sat in bleach while cleaning up the yard. He can't believe that he's been out like this all day, because it really looks like... well you know what! haha SO, being Mr. frugal he says.. 'Oh well, I guess these are work shorts now... I really should Mark them so I don't accidently wear them anywhere' So I SAy... (are u ready?) 'Uhhh.. I THINK you already MARKED them. It's called a SKID mark. We cracked up for a long time! :)) but, I have a way of KILLING a joke.. so he will be hearing ALOT of skid mark/poop/ jokes till it's just not funny anymore! :))

serenity now

The Sunday Scribblings theme this week is Mantra.I don't really have a mantra I live by or chant over and over. I guess If I had a mantra it would be "STaY positive". Especially as I've grown older, I've seen that staying positive can really get you through many situations. Sometimes it can be the most difficult thing to do. When life is handing you some awful stuff... keeping positive can seem ridiculously impossible.
Another thing I do a LOT lately, When a situation is bad and I don't think I can cope.. I pretend that THIS problem is the smaller one of TWo that I COULD have had. I think of a much worse scenario and think.. Geez SO lucky it is this difficult situation OVEr that one! I know I sound nuts, but it helps me better than a mantra probably could.
Not sure if it's a mantra or not but one phrase that I do repeat often to my middle son is .. "I'm Right behind you!" This middle one worries me and when he was younger and would head out for a night out I would Constantly remind him to BE SMART and BE GOOD and REMEMBER... If you are wondering if something is smart or right to do or not.. think...'would I do this if MOM were standing right behind me??' If not... PROBABly not a good idea! haha As the years went by.. this LOoong warning became.. "I'm right behind you Nick!" It's become as much an affectionate term as I love you Nick. He knows what I mean and that I just want him to be safe and careful out in the world. BE CAREFUL is another phrase (WAIT! maybe THIS really is my mantra after all?!?) that I say to EACH of my kids as they leave the house. Wow..writing this post just made me realize I LIVE by 'be careful'. I am SO careful with EVerything I do.CAUTiON is my middle name for goodness sakes! Okay. I DO have a mantra.. be careful be careful be careful... oooh I feel so comforted by this. be careful be careful be careful... ohhmmm

Educating it forward

..for my friend Tammy.
this is the exact poignant message she posted on her blog.. I am educating it forward, hope you will too.

The dragon

lying in wait

would not go down

easily in the dark

but he was struck first

and weakened

surprised at the

fierceness of their hearts

as he was slain

in the darkness

of his lair. Later

gutted and skinned

his flesh cut into pieces

and shared. Now the fire

is in us: we are the dragon, the dragon's

strength is ours; we will live, free of dependence.

No more pain,and falls and wheelchairs for

we are made whole in our feast.

15 cases of ALS are diagnosed a day and most live 2-4 years. No time to fight and voices too weak to be heard. Do you know ALS? Educate it forward to be their voices.

Compassionate, Considerate FUN!

I'm seething... AGAIN. today I listened and welled up with tears and anger as yet AnOTHER incredibly wonderful woman sat and cried in my hair salon and told me how unhappy she is in her marriage. This 70 something year old woman is being verbally abused and taken for granted BIG TiME! Her husband sounds like a nasty, miserable bastard. He is ill and SHE takes care of HIM. Without divulging too much of her personal business, she does EVERYTHING for him. He is wheelchair bound and needs care in EVERY department. ( I'm divulging aren't I?)

This ungrateful louse should be kissing her ASS! (not calling her FATASS) I swear I can't even take how upset and angry I feel! He screams at her all day long, puts WAY too much pressure and stress on her, insults her, tells her he doesn't want friends dropping over. He listens on her phone calls or worse asks her for blow by blow details after she is done talking on the phone. I feel like she is in a place worse than prison. I'm also worried that SHE will drop dead before him from all this stress! Through our tears and hugs I had to confess to her, that even though I want her to feel she can always confide and unload on me, I have a deep DEEP hatred for this F*** and would like to go chop his cojones off! (At least this got her to have a hardy laugh) But I am serious, I want to kill this bastard. I tried to give her the best advice I could. (after all I'm only a hot blooded sicilian hairdresser) I told her to please see a therapist for her OWN health and sanity, I even recommended my friend who wrote that inspiring book on my side bar. I advised her also to constantly SPeAK up and STAND up to this piece of crap husband and PUT him in his place! (after all, it's not like she can't out run him if he gets super crazed). I finally suggested she push him down the stairs in his wheelchair, but she didn't think that would work since she lives in a ranch. She won't leave him, because NO one else would care for him and she loves her family and doesn't want to rock the boat. Paaa L E A S E! I hear this one a LOT! And I am so bothered by this too! We only Go around ONCE! WHY is she going around for everyone else's feelings and not hers?? I will tell u why... I see this a lot too! Many Women DO NOT value who they are! NO ONE sees their beauty and worth and wonderfulness. I see women each day with astounding qualities and it breaks my heart to hear how inferior they seem to think they are.
My friend just told me about a super book for women in the 2nd half of life called queen of your own life
I plan on picking up a copy and putting it in my waiting area. We women need to help each other value ourselves. Oh I am all pumped up and fuming and talking all big here aren't I?? but I am JUST as guilty for not TRULY valuing my own worth and gifts. My husband is constantly giving me genuine compliments, attempting to help build my self-esteem. After 30 years of this, I am doing much better than when we had first met.

Yesterday as we did our cool down in my zumba class the teacher got all Zen like on us and asked us to think of a quality we loved about ourselves and focus on that all day.
It was the first time she has done that and I am looking forward to having a chance to speak to her to tell her how much I loved that idea. I want to share with her how important I feel it is that women like us, who work predominantly with women, help them to value themselves. (We should also have access to the number of a good hit man)

If you've read this rant and ARE a woman yourself... PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT TELLING ME A FAVORITE QUALITY YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF. Hell, tell me even more than that if u want... tell me ALL about how wonderful YOU are! I put mine in the title!

Is there something in the air?

Everyone in my family, all my clients and friends... EVERYONE I speak to is basically saying the same thing.
I feel so tired. I feel like shit. I feel so sluggish. I need a nap. I don't want to do anything.

I kept thinking it's these rainy days or the pollen in the air making me feel so lethargic.
But today when my client Bev told me that EVERYONE in her office and in her life was feeling the same and that she is worried the terrorists put something into our atmosphere, I began to wonder.
Is that possible?? Is ALL of america feeling like crap?? What could be causing this? It doesn't take much of a paranoid suggestion to get me worrying! So how are YOU feeling?? If someone out there, especially in NY, actually feels UP and energetic and ...conscious! Can u please let me know, so I won't be up all night worrying! I'm off to check the batteries on my carbon monoxide detector.

My Favorite Recipes

Recipe for Love

Ingredients

2 Hearts Full of Love
2 Heaping Cups of Kindness
2 Armfuls of Gentleness
2 Cups of Friendship
2 Cups of Joy
2 Big Hearts Full of Forgiveness
1 Lifetime of Togetherness
2 Minds Full of Tenderness

Method

Stir daily with Happiness, Humor and Patience.
Serve with Warmth and Compassion, Respect and Loyalty.

~ Author Unknown ~

Another Recipe for Love

Ingredients

1/2 a cup of Affection
A pinch of cuddles
3 tablespoons of pure sweetness
A great big kiss

Method

Dim the lights then mix them very slowly together.

~ Author Unknown ~

visit sunday scribblings for more on recipes!

skittlie dee skittlie da

Today as I was grocery shopping in Stop and shop, I get a call from my youngest son.
He is on the school bus on his way home from school. He very excitedly says... MOM? I Just won 10,000.00!!!! Being that he is the youngest of three, You will believe me when i tell you, I've had my share of pranks pulled on me. I calmly said.. Oh really! And how did u do that? He starts rapidly explaining that his teacher was selling skittles to raise money for a charity so he bought a bag. On the bag it said... Find the Gold skittles and win $10,000. He screams in my ear.. I have the gold skittles Mom! my whole bag is full of gold skittles!! I won! I can't believe it!!... STILL suspecting this can't be... I ask... Are u just joking with me? He's never been a good liar and he is so serious that I should have known he wasn't fooling! So now, I begin screaming and Crying in the middle of stop and shop! "OMG OMG it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person! This is going to help you pay for college! I'm so excited!!" Then I quickly get into Mommy mode... JO! DON'T LET ANYONE ON THE BUS KNOW THAT YOU'VE WON THIS MUCH MONEY, THERE ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY ANY DRUGGIES WHO WOULD HURT OR KILL YOU FOR THOSE GOLDEN SKITTLES!! (Aren't you just picturing Charlie Bucket right now from Willie wonka and the chocolate factory?)
I tell him to get home safely and don't do anything till I get there!
I flew through the rest of the aisles Not remembering the food I had come there for due to my excitement! As I am loading my groceries into my car, he calls me again..
ARe u okay? I ask... VERY quietly he says... Mom... When i got home, I dumped out the skittles and opened up the bag... I only won $50.00.... The fine print of the label said Find the gold skittles AND YOU COULD win $10,000.00. Boy did that misunderstanding take away what would have been an exciting 50.00 win if that's what he told me originally! Mean while.. Crazy me... I had called my other sons and told them, I interrupted my busy husband at work to tell him. EVeryone was so shocked and excited they told many others too!!! How sad to have to make those calls to say... It was a tasty misunderstanding.

Moms and their kitchens

Happy cinco de Mayo everyone! In case I don't get back to blogging before sunday... just wishing All you Mommas and VERY happy Mothers Day! Here's a post only a mom can appreciate!
I'm sure many would agree that the kitchen seems to be the nerve center of the home. It's the room we congregate in whether we are eating, playing board games, doing homework, celebrating birthdays, painting pictures,having heart to hearts, writing bills, and oh yea.... cooking.
My children have had more meaningful, heart-wrenching conversations with me in the kitchen while I'm emptying the dishwasher... than anywhere else. My kitchen has also had it's fair share of things being flung. What do plates, pork roasts, Clogs and pastina all have in common? Yep, they are just some of the items that have hit the walls of my cute kitchen. When my middle son was younger he couldn't swallow pills. His asthma was very bad and the doctor prescribed steroids. Little pills that HAD to be swallowed. After many hours spent trying to put them in applesauce and pudding and even pizza. Crazy momma got very frustrated and as embarrassing as it is to admit. I whipped off my clog and flung it at him! ( No, Not child abuse.... Last second I came to my senses and aimed high and have the hole in the wall to prove it) It didn't help the situation, he still didn't take those damn pills, but it made me feel better.

When my oldest was a baby in the high chair, he decided it would be fun to take his full bowl of pastina and throw it in the air. I had pastina dripping off the walls the furniture and the chandelier! ( Do you know how that shit sticks to everything?) I'm sure you moms know what I mean when I say it was the last straw that day. It was one of those times where daddy had to intervene. Momma couldn't take it that day, and had to leave the room in tears while one wonderful dad cleaned baby and house top to bottom. (gee, I didn't think talking about my favorite room would make me loook like a lunatic) To hear of my misconstrued lunacy though you must read further about the infamous pork roast story.....

When I was pregnant for our third son, I was nauseous almost the whole nine months. Looking at food and cooking it was a nightmare. One day I left it up to my husband, who decided to buy and cook a pork roast. For the two hours that thing was cooking I was complaining relentlessly. He finally LOST it and opened the oven and threw it in the garbage. I got so angry at him and we had an argument, which included me flinging a few plates off the table and into our walls . Well, my 5 year old was unfortunately a witness to this whole terrible, but thank god extremely rare fighting. The following school year, the teacher was talking about how everyone fights and all the kids were telling stories. My little boy gets up in front of the class and interprets the pork roast story with his fast moving body and speedy words like this......" One day my mom was so mad at my dad that she picked up a chicken and threw it at his head"! the class couldn't control their laughter. My girlfriend called me hysterically laughing because her 6 yr. old who was in the same class got off the bus and told her this story. Again, everyone thinks I'm a looney. I didn't throw meat at his head! But the visual of Nick telling this chicken story is worth the bad rap.
photos of some of my favorite things in my kitchen #1 a hutch that my husband refinished #2 a madallion he painted #3 my duck house and #4 a picture my third son drew in the 3rd grade

event exposé

How we perceive things really matters. Some people dodge disaster and breathe a sigh of relief and move on with a positive happy attitude never giving it another thought. Maybe they live their life actually thinking of this scenario and declaring how lucky they were. The same near-miss event can put someone else into a life long tail spin, thinking doom and gloom will always try to get them. (I bet you've figured out, I'm that second someone.)
Just recently I figured out why I am the cautious, nervous nellie that I am. It was MY dodged disaster. An event that traumatized a once very reckless little kid, into a guarded eleven year old girl who would continue that vigilance throughout her life.

It was a breezy April day in 1970. I was out riding my bright orange, sting ray bicycle, which had a bold flowered vinyl, banana seat. I was suppose to be home for dinner but with the wind in my hair, I didn't have a care, I boldly jumped curbs and raced carelessly through the side streets of my safe, suburban neighborhood. As I was heading towards the playground at the closed public pool, a man sitting parked in a big blue car beeped his horn and waved me towards him. Still on my bicycle, I used my feet to glide myself towards his passenger window. He started asking me for directions to a street. I tried to tell him where the street was when i noticed.... he was ONLY wearing a T-shirt! I quickly made excuses that I had to go, that my mother was waiting right on the other side of the playground for me. He gestured and asked me a question and I Screamed NO!! I pedaled back home so quickly, I didn't remember how I had gotten there. Traumatized and extremely shaken, I reacted by getting under my covers and just shivering. I didn't go to my mom, i didn't talk about it. I just couldn't stop shaking. I don't know how long I stayed that way, but my sister came in my room and became so worried when she saw me. She screamed for my mom, and after a little time... I was able to tell them what had happened. They were, of course, so upset and yet relieved that I wasn't abducted or hurt in any way.

My mom then insisted that I go with her to the police station and give a description of this deviant. That was almost as traumatic as the event itself. Apparently (according to the officer) many little girls make up stories for various reasons, so back in 1970.. they found the hostile approach in speaking to terrified little kids most appropriate and effective! It was awful! The shaking continued! I did give a very accurate description of the man. (the mans face that is!) But I don't know if they ever found him. With so many tragedies in our world concerning kids, I know I was that LUCKY someone! But that one event, That one day, really changed who I am. I am always on my toes, playing it safe, never taking foolish risks. Through the years I don't think I've ever connected the dots about WHY I am who I am. I haven't told many people about this incident. Something that happened last week (TOO long to get in to it!) made me realize the connection. Even though this happened 40 years ago... I still find it so difficult to talk about without getting those same chills. As I huddle under my throw blanket to put this into writing on this hot, humid April day, I am having a feeling of freedom that my trauma like my cautiousness is outright....exposed.
sunday scribblings