Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Lulus Menopausal info.


* You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. (Hot flashes)

* The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats)

* Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings)

* You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them. (Memory loss)

* Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*cking Nelson". (Irritability)

* The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness)

* You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner. (Fatigue)

* You change your underwear after every sneeze. (Mild incontinence)

* You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain)

* You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist. (Dryness)

* You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency)

* You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)

(brought to you by


Anonymous said...

Very funny. Love the dwarfs.

Anonymous said...

Funny! I almost choked on my pretzels when I read the one about Jiffy Lube.

Tammy Brierly said...

I choked on my juice! Too funny!


Keith's Ramblings said...

Why are you women so complicated! A designers nightmare with all that concealed internal plumbing! At least the Male menopause only involves motor cycles, sports cars and young ladies!

Forgetfulone said...

Oh my gosh! I'm one of those dwarves! Pretty much most of these apply to me already except the night sweats, and I'm sure they're not too far away.

latree said...

I hope I won't experience any of those... Keith, I never knew men have menopause also ;)

Deirdre said...

Ah, hormone hell...never a dull moment. Thanks for making me laugh.

Giggles said...

My very own daughter sent me those dwarfs!!! haha good post puts it all in perspective!

Hugs SHerrie

UL said...

oh my Lucy...where do you get all that sense of humor! Mild incontinence...goodness..mild?!!