broken resolutions

When the little red car pulled into the gravel driveway, Annie jumped away from the broken window pane, a window she herself had broken in anger, she bolted, heading for her mothers cluttered bedroom closet. As she ran, her worn thin, pink bathrobe flew open behind her and for a second she imagined being a soaring butterfly. She hoped her big sister didn't see which way she was running. Annie didn't realize that the closet wasn't a secret destination. Her family knew it had always been a hiding spot for her. To Annie, it was more of a comfort zone. She liked hiding under the big brown quilted winter comforter that was balled up in the tiny corner. She loved the smell of her moms perfume on all the long gowns and shawls that hung in plastic bags in that comfy corner. She also loved moms 'hidden' jar of poker pennies on the closet shelf, which she 'borrowed'  every time she heard the happy tune of her neighborhood ice cream man.
Annie sat as quiet as she could and thought about how the little red car sort of looked like a lady bug without the black spots.  There was NO way they were going to make her get in that dumb car and go with that strange man. That undefinable feeling came over her again, A feeling that felt like her best interest wasn't really being looked after. A feeling of dread, insecurity and fear. It was a scary feeling, being only 8 and not trusting  the decision of the person that you know is your guardian, your parent, the grown up who's suppose to know best about making sure that you are always going to be okay.

Annie's mom had called Frances from her waitressing job a few minutes earlier and snapped at Frances about a man who was coming over to pick up Annie and bring her to school. "Get her ready Francie!" Annie's big sister Frances was accustomed to taking care of Annie, taking orders from their Mother and spending time cooking and cleaning their small shabby home. Wishing instead to spend more time giggling and primping with her 14 year old girlfriends from school. School! Frances hadn't been there all week. Like Annie, playing hooky from school had become a regular habit.  It wasn't too difficult to over sleep and skip school when there was no one home seeing to it that you got up and out.

Frances gently slid the closet door to the side, peeling away another white paint chip and knelt down low. "Annie, I know you're scared, but this man is from your school and it IS safe to go with him. You've had too many absences Annie, they know you're not sick. You won't be in trouble but You need to let me help you get washed and dressed and you have to hurry up and go."  Frances always had a softer way of mothering her than their own mother did. Whenever Annie was home alone with Frances, Annie's disguise never appeared. Annie's trust of Frances suddenly overpowered her fear of the strange ladybug man.  Quietly, with tears streaming down her face  mixing with breakfasts maple syrup still on her cheeks, Annie cooperated and got ready for school at 1 in the afternoon.
"what do I tell the kids Free"? whispered Annie.   Free, the nickname 2 year old Annie had given her big sister when she couldn't pronounce Francie.  Frances' heart skipped a beat for her little sister, trying to be so brave while suppressing stabbing sobs. Silently she cursed her mother for allowing this to happen. What mother gives permission for a little kid to go with a total stranger. Why couldn't SHE just leave work and take Annie to school herself?  Herself.. hmm...   She answered her own question.
 Giving a gentle hug to the tiny shaking shoulders in front of her,  she replied, "just tell them you're feeling all better now Annie".

Mr. Crawbid opened the passenger door for Annie. He was very tall, very polite and his car smelled like fresh cut grass. Inside the car between their seats Annie quizzically spied a zigzagged slot holding a black stick with a brown leather handle with random letters on it. Mr. Crawbid kept moving it as they drove along. Annie had never seen a car like this before and she didn't take her big brown eyes away from that black stick even while Mr. Crawbid asked her what her favorite color was (pink.) and if she liked Mrs. Wolfes class.(yes.)

 When they got to George Washington Elementary school, Mr. Crawbid walked with Annie to her classroom  and Mrs. Wolfe greeted her with a big genuine smile. "Annie! So nice to see you! Glad your feeling up for school today! The class is at recess but will be back very soon, you can take your seat and wait for them."  When the kids came scurrying, noisily back in, Zachary and Billy, who were the known trouble makers in class 2-4 walked right up to Annie and Billy offensively sneered "weren't you absent? why did u come to school so late weirdo?"  As much as Annie loved Free and her good advice, she didn't reply, she resolutely decided never to confess what had happend today. She buried her  matted head of dark curls down into her arms on top of her ink smudged desk, mentally pulling on her invisibility costume. The very same disguise that she so often wished would disappear at home.

sundayscribblings

Inside the fortress of CRAZY!

Every week your trash is picked up but do u ever really pay much attention? I always remember our collectors at Christmas time,  If I am outside while they're out front, I wave. That's about it. Although, when my kids were small and we were always outside, I do remember offering a drink occasionally on a hot summers day, and of course there was that classic time at christmas when i ran down the street screaming for the 3 garbage men ...well that's a story that deserves it's own post at another time... anyway..

Mr. Petals?... he doesn't miss a beat  "We must have a new garbage man working on the truck". According to my crazy husband, this new guys 'signature' is turning ONE pail upside down, which is turning Mr. Petals inside out! A few weeks ago he comes inside all gruff ( i think he even grunted). "AGAIN! Why they have to turn the pail upside down, I have NO Idea! makes it more difficult for me now! " Then a few days later he says to me (as if it's the first I am hearing it..)  "This must be this new guys signature...One up and one upside down, it's so stupid!"  I resisted saying 'You told me this already'... (ie..see 'marriage is a marathon'  post below.)

A few days ago when we're driving down our street... he points out SEVERAL homes in our neighborhood... YUP... One down and the others UP!  AGAIN.... he tells me "look..LOOK at this... this is this BASTARDS signature!"   I HAD to finally say... "honey you've told me this already,I know, I know.. it's his SIGNATURE garbage pail maneuver, he's trying to leave his mark all over our town.

YESTERDAY was my breaking point, but thankfully I broke into a fit of laughter instead of  screaming at him... when he came in all irritated and said "this F***ing garbage man... this must be his signature move... one up one down..  what the hell? "  I was washing dishes at the time and literally FELL over into my kitchen sink hysterically laughing!!  At that point ... he realized he had said this to me BEFORE!  i pointed out...MaNY times before and he went into a fit of laughter!  I said... is this how our old age is going to be??  

I guess as my memory gets worse, I won't even notice his repetitiveness. (unless he is standing on his head)

finally!

I just can't get enough of this perdue chicken in a bag... affectionately  known by me as "the big chicken"
as it was cooking today... I kept talking about it to Mr. petals...." i can't wait for the big chicken"
"omg... smell that delicious big chicken"  " i can not WAIT to EAT the big chicken"  "what are YOU eating for dinner?  the big chicken is all  mine!"    Then.... while we were eating it....  S I L E N C E!  when no one is talking at my table, you can bet we are LOVING our food like CRAZY!!!

It all started a few months ago when we went to a friends for dinner and she served an oven stuffer roaster and hers was moist delicious and cooked perfectly!  I told her HOW much I love chicken, but every time I attempt one of these BIG boys, despite meat thermometer and carefully calculating its timing, as I carve it, I notice it's under cooked, have to put it back in the oven, wash the plate, knife and WAIT! The whole pink juice, raw chicken thing just makes me sick and turned off! Then, i usually put it back for TOO long and  I dry it out and the side dishes are ready and the chicken is gross and there is A LOT of conversation at the table that night.  So she told me her method of roasting it, the next week i tried to do it her way...PINK!
I  then told my meat lady this... ( the lady who puts out meat at the stop and shop)  She is very friendly and we say hello each week. SHE suggested the big chicken. I have to say...It is FOOL proof!  first off ... no washing that raw chicken which always reminds me of a baby and kind of freaks me out.  This sucker comes in a cooking bag, seasoned and ready to roast!  Another great thing?  the amount of juice in this bag is GREAT start for chicken soup! I always time it for 100 minutes and it's perfect! I use the leftovers and carcass and Voila... soup for dinner the next day! BUT- Even better....When I don't make soup...
Well... Did u ever notice, In many movies and tv shows, whenever they open the fridge to look for a snack, there is a delicious BIG yummy looking drum stick in there??  SO often, I've said to my husband  through the years... Mmm that looks so good,wish I could get up and find a snack like that in our fridge!  YUP.... on my way there right now!

Marriage is a marathon of give and take

My husband and I had an argument yesterday. It was so upsetting but thankfully it's so rare. We really get along very well and since arguing is NOT my forte yet he could argue the fleas off a dog, I am relieved it's infrequent. As we are growing old together some of our annoying traits seem to be getting the best of us. He for example, WON'T admit to it, but he repeats his statements and questions, OFTEN. I am not trying to act like an angel here because I admit I do have some very annoying traits, but I have to say... I wouldn't even mind him repeating himself to me, I would patiently keep repeating the same answer, but WHY I get so annoyed and a bit bitchy is because i KNOW if i did this to him, he would be impatient and SCREAM... 'I already told you this!!!"  So ...really, that makes this HIS fault? right?! come on...  RIGHT!!!
As a matter of fact, most of my impatient reactions are only because (the sicilian? or bitch? in me) I have to give him a dose of his own medicine.  


An annoying habit of mine (so HE claims), is that I complain .... A LOT.   I used to listen to his criticism, and try to be conscious of when I did it, so I could try to curb it... but after ALL these years married... it started dawning on me several years ago.... He is WAYyyyy out complaining me!  Trying to argue my point  with this expert arguer would be futile... so i dealt with it in a new way.... I began imitating Mr. Petals at every situation where I just KNEW a complaint would be certain. 


(for example)..EVERY single time we have ever driven down a particular secondary road to get to a shopping center, he has always negatively commented.... 'Who in their right mind would buy these big homes on this busy street?"   So now.... before we get to the big homes... In my big, booming, best Mr. Petals Voice... I say...
(exaggerating my point with a REAL heavy brooklyn ny accent, which he doesn't have but I love to imitate).... 'WhO the hell would buy these freakin homes on this shitty street?? are these stupid people out of their F***ing minds???? '  
And...my husband cracks up laughing at himself.     (genius, no??)
It's been working every time!   When we witness someone driving like a moron.... I BEAT him to the punch...  "Freaking Asshole...get off the F***ing road!"....       He seems to be getting my point and has really cut back on all this senseless complaining!     


Marriage truly is a test of endurance, we all hope its a long distance test. I am finding the best way to ensure it continues, is to find a balance of love, patience, communication and a lot of (freaking) humor.    


sunday scribblings

SIX YEARS OF BLOGGING

SIX YEARS OF BLOGGING!? how can that be?? kind of like... how can it be that my eldest will be 28 yrs. old in two months. I still FEEL 28, well most days i do...certainly not nights, when I get up off that couch and my legs shuffle me oh so slowly to the bathroom, which I need oh so quickly. Six years! how can that be?? kind of like how can it be that my baby is 19! NINETEEN! I was married at 21, he couldn't Possibly handle marriage in two years! Kind of like my middle son being 25... 25!!! I had my first baby at 25, how can that be?? He couldn't be a dad now.. how was I a mom then?? How did this happen?? time is flying by way too quickly.. it just can't be that I am middle aged! wait... middle aged... that would mean I have to live to 104. How can that be??

does that mean I am already OLD?? well... more and more people are living past 100.. so that makes it POSSIBLE that this is the middle. maybe I'm just approaching the end of the middle years and the beginning of old age. Wait... anniversaries should be happy... this is depressing the shit out of me. 6 years ago when i began this luluspetals blog I was only 46. FORTYsix! how can that be... I will be fifty freaking three this summer! 53! sure... some of you that are older think... sheesshh that's so young! YOUNG??!! my hair is thinning, my wrinkles are growing, my bones are aching, my feet hurt my back hurts (well from my new fanged washing system). If I keep on (occasionally) blogging...in 6 more years I will be 59! that's almost SIXTY! sixty?? how can that be... I feel 28 most days! GEE... repeating myself ... maybe this IS old age? anyway.... todays is my blogoversary... i thought I should write something... this is it!!!

Why can't they make things like the good old days??

So.. my super large capacity maytag washer blows it's transmission after 5 & 1/2 short years. Is it just my luck? or do u find they are building temporary appliances, designed to break and be replaced every few years. Not appliances only.. it seems I can't even get a frying pan to hang around a year, before it's non-stick surface is non-existent. So after my very trustworthy repairman tells me... "it doesn't even pay to fix this washer...he also adds... "And WAIT till you go shopping for a new one, YOU will hate them... they now have NO WATER! " He explains they are all made to be energy efficient using a fraction of the amount of water that my Super maytag did.

I set off to the giant appliance store... already soured and determined to find a washer with water.

(this is my first mistake)

Oddly enough... Kevin (trustworthy,miracle repairman) is INcorrect... You CAN still buy the 'old fashioned' type ( from 5 years ago) the type with the agitator in the middle and Tons of wasteful water. Woo hoo! Lucy scores what she thinks is one up on this new fangled crap! (mistake two)

They deliver it the next day...

I notice something I didn't notice in the BIG store... this washer is SMALL ... REAL small. So, I call the salesman and ask if it is as large as my SUPER CAPACITY 'old' maytag?? he gives me a whole lot of mumble jumble that they're measured by cubic ft. now and the old ones weren't ...blah blah blah.... "it should be the same as the maytag". The next day, I attempted to put my king sized sheets in, they just about made it in there, but much more frustrating than that... when I tried to take them out they were SOAKING wet and tied in about 20 knots!!! do u know how difficult it was to undo HEAVY knotted jumbo sheets?? long story shortened... the same thing happened to 2 more wash loads. .. TIMe to call for a repair... on a 2 week OLD new machine!!

Now, mistake three... I SO Wish I could have been home and witnessed... CRAZY mr. Petals response when the repairman tried BLAMING ME (ME! laundry Queen) of Incorrectly loading the machine... he actually asked Mr. Petals... 'Now is your wife placing the clothes in the washer Or Dropping them in?? She needs to DROP them gently and evenly in the machine. My husband said... MY WIFE HAS BEEN DOING LAUNDRY FOR 32 YEARS! ARE U TRYING TO TELL ME THAT SHE NOW NEEDS A LAUNDRY LESSON? SHE IS KNOWN HERE AS THE LAUNDRY QUEEN! IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME??? I WANT TO RETURN THIS PIECE OF S**T AND GET A NEW ONE!

He was told that they have to make 3-4 repair visits before a return is ever considered... so my husband said...well set up another visit for next week and the week after that...because if that's what it takes... you can waste your time and mine and keep coming back each week until I get a refund...

They came for it the next day.

This time when I shopped... I decided to allow the savy salesman to explain 'high efficiency' to me.

well it turns out...it actually made sense! He used the following analogies... when u wash ur hands... do u want to sit them in a sink FULL of dirty water? or constantly run clean water over them?? and instead of an agitator the clothes rub on each other kind of like how our ancestors rubbed them on a rock near the river in the olden days....(hmmm.... why didn't brilliant Kevin know this theory?) it made some sense to me now.

He had me sold, but before I committed, I tried to reach into this Gigantic, agitator-less machine... "Gee, I am on my tippy toes and I still can't reach the bottom" To which the savvy salesman said... 'does that really matter? do u think you really ever need to reach the bottom?"

( I SWEAR TO YOU.... HE SAID THAT!!!!! YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!)

had he NEVER done laundry??? I looked at him trying VERY hard to not let my expression show him that I thought he was a complete moron now and I wasn't sure I could trust that great sales pitch he had going a minute ago. I looked right at him and softly said..... you know ... you need to reach down and pick up like a sock or something. As I said this, I thought about the step stool i keep in my laundry room and the giant bar-b-que tongs I never use... and....

I make the decision to go for it. To spend EVEN more and buy this EVEN bigger than super capacity BIG, No Water, No agitator, high efficiency, can't reach into the bottom without tongs or a step stool.... new fangled washer!!!

Well... so far I am happy with the results of the clothes but doing the laundry is a bit more complicated than ever before... Because I am UP on a step stool taking out the wet clothes, I can't simply fling them into the dryer like before... NOW... I keep a laundry basket propped up on top of my rolling hampers. I put the wet in there then have to get down off my stool ( hang up my tongs) and lift the Heavy basketful of wet clothes, put it in front of the dryer and then throw them in there! Modern conveniences! no river,no rock...but made to break our backs ...just like the good old days!

(picture to come soon!!!)

possible!

The week after new years, I received the nicest call from a complete stranger, with whom I chatted away with, for about an hour! She wasn't sure she had the phone number of the actual person she had been searching for, and after 15 years of searching, she was beginning to think that it may not be possible to ever find ...my husband. (NO, she wasn't a long lost lover or mother of a child he is unaware of!!)

Fifteen years ago, When my husband Peter left a salon he had been working at, he tried contacting all of his hair clients to let them know where he was moving to. Unfortunately, he didn't have ALL of his clients contact information.

Mary so sweetly told me that she had always been skittish about doing anything with her hair until a friend recommended my husband. He encouraged her to perm her hair and she Loved the results and HIM! she went on to tell me SO many beautiful compliments about his personality, his great sense of humor, his talent, oh and also... how Handsome he is!

She had asked Peters ex-boss to PLEASE tell her his new location and he (falsely) claimed he didn't know it. A few months later she asked for Peter's last name, hoping she could look him up, but the grouchy boss wouldn't comply.

Mary went on to tell me that finding Peter became an obsession with her! It also became a joke between her and her daughter Terry, who insisted she should give up, that it was impossible!

Mary however, who prior to peter, had been through too many bad hair experiences, always had felt hopeful. She told me that any time she would go to a shopping center and noticed it had a hair salon, she would pop her head in the door and say... 'excuse me, does a Peter work here??" Some times there was a Peter, but not her Peter.. or should I say MY Peter! As the years passed, she eased up her search but still hoped it was possible. Her daughter had dated a man named Peter which then stirred up her head-hunter story again, And again, her daughter would laugh and say..."give it up Mom, you are NEVEr going to find your Peter'!

So by now (if you're still with me) you're curious, I'm sure!, to know... HOW did she come to find our phone number and HER Peter!

Before Christmas, while waiting to go into yet another surgery, Mary turned to her compassionate nurse and said, I am so upset about losing all of my hair. The sweet nurse said, don't worry, it's going to grow in even more beautiful and before you know it, you will need a haircut. Mary then told her nurse about Her long lost Peter. How she finally had to give in and try another hairstylist, how it was awful and how she then had let her hair grow long, so she didn't have to deal with bad haircuts as often. Denise heard all about the search, All about Mary's friends and family teasing her about her futile attempts. Denise then said... tell me about Peter? where did he work? Mary couldn't remember the name of the salon but knew the street it was on. Denise then asked... Describe him? Mary went on with great detail about his looks and charismatic ways. Denise took Mary's hand and with the kindest smile said... what if I told you, I think I know your Peter!?! I'm pretty sure, who you're describing, is married to my good friend Lucy! Mary was so excited she temporarily forgot what she was going through.

Mary went on to tell me that Denise gave her our phone number after the surgery. When Mary's daughter Terry came to the hospital to see her, the first thing Mary said was .. I FOUND PETER!!!

Terry was worried her mother was still delirious from the anesthesia! She said, They laughed for a long time afterward.

Mary is waiting for her hair to grow in and as soon as it's long enough, She is looking so forward to visiting with her favorite hairstylist. (they have since spoken)

I know I am married to a very wonderful man, but hearing Mary's story not only reconfirmed that fact, but it made me really think about How many lives we all touch in our day to day lives. Wether you connect with many people every day like a hairdresser does, or just the smile that you give one stranger, which may be the only one they receive all day, it's always possible to touch lives in a positive way.

sundayscribblings

3 gifts! (but no...gold, frankincense and myrrh)

Tis the season to be giving! I've decided that I'm going to give all of you, some of my wisdom this festive week! To give away that which you don't have much of... oh BOY! that's truly a special gift! So get ready to jot this s**t down!! Some of our wisdom is passed down to us from our parents. Some of our social graces as well! For instance, it was my mom who instilled in me, that if you EVER visit someone without at least a piece of cake in your hand, you better prepare yourself for a visit to the bowels of hell as well. She also taught me to say please and thank-you and to send a thank you note when you receive a gift. HOWEVER, What she never taught me about but what I want to 'gift' to you today is... 'the day after phone call'. It was my friend Flora who passed on this warm social grace to me about 10 years ago! Many of you may already be practicing this one,(Your mom may have been one up on mine!! ) Good for you! (hopefully you will enjoy my other fabulous gifts...smartiepants!)

Any time we're invited to a home for a celebration (cake or lasagna in hand!!) Any time someone has us over for a dinner and especially a HOLIDAY dinner, where you know your hostess has killed herself to make this lovely visit possible... it's SO considerate/lovely/gracious/loving/friendly..... to make sure you CALL her the day after!!!

SO often, you sit with your significant other, reflecting on the day before .... "AWW Flora went to sooo much trouble, wasn't her shrimp scampi delicious? and she even used the good china!" so how wonderful is it to pick up the phone and TELL HER this!?? it's freaking wonderful! trust me! I can't believe HOW many years it took me to begin this crucial ritual!! I used to just say thank you as I hugged myself out their door. Whenever I host as I just did this past weekend and I DON'T get the day after phone call, I usually feel a bit disappointed until I remind myself that not EVERYONE has been gifted this amazing bit of kindhearted wisdom!! (so pass it on!)

Trust me... and try it next time! you will make your host feel so GReat!! (and great things you do ...always come back to you!) (If they're smart enough to learn from you doing it!!!)

GIFT #2!!- the easy knot!!! when my kids were too little to tie their shoes and their shoes were always untying, I learned how to do a knot that UNlike that damn DOUBLE knot that always frustrates and makes your nails split... will EASILY Pull apart when YOU'RE ready to untie!!! GREAT stuff here at Lucy's petals, NO??

step 1- make that first loop

step2- wrap the other lace around the first loop as you normally would but here comes...

STEP 3!- when you pull the lace around the first loop and into itself... CONTINUE until it's ALL the way thru! NOW....

step 4- make a loop with it (bunny ear for those still raising babies) and tie the two ears together!!! Unlike just tying two bunny ears together.... doing it my way allows for you to just pull One lace and it will ALL untie!!! (i bet NOTHING in your stocking was equivalent

to this one!) everyday as you do this NEW better way of tying...my name should fondly pass thru your brain!

Gift 3- OHIO. my acronym for ONly Handle it Once! Bills, thank you cards, thank you CALLS, dr.s appointments, replying to emails, rebate slips, filing, refilling scripts, following thru on anything!... GET IT DONE the first time you touch it, talk about it, THINK of it! If I didn't follow my OHIO rule, my life would be even more unorganized than it already is!

So...begin tying the lucy way NoW! then hurry up and call your Christmas hosts! OH... but wait! don't think you're popping back here later tonight...that never happens.... FIRST...drop me a comment!! and in case I don't get back to blogland (OHIO)Wishing you all a VERY healthy, fun, loving and FESTIVE NEW Year!

the JOY in gift giving ;)

Having small children can really limit a couples intimacy time. When our boys were young, active and ALWAYS within earshot... mr. petals and I found a crafty way to grab some... eh hem... Alone time!

We happened upon it accidently... We were locked up in our bedroom frantically rushing, wrapping the kids Christmas gifts one sunday afternoon. Within a few minutes the boys were knocking and asked... what are u doing in there? Mr. Petals replied... 'We are wrapping presents and If you stay in the den and play nice together while we are in here, we will give you ONE early Christmas gift when we're done! Excitedly they complied and excitedly we stole some extra time to unwrap each other, rustling a little foiled reindeer paper here and there, in case one of those little monkeys decided to listen by the door! So began our little genius charade to rendezvous!

After the new year, we decided to collect tiny, inexpensive treasures and keep them in a shopping bag in our bedroom closet. Fun erasers, plastic soldiers, pogs, fancy pencils, yoyo's, pokeman cards... ALREADY wrapped, READY to go! Sexy mr. petals (also, always ready to go) adopted a new 'line' when he wrapped his loving arms around me... "want to go wrap some presents??" It was Amazing how quiet and well behaved our boys would stay when they thought we were 'wrapping gifts' for them! Quite an innocent fib and small price to help keep our marriages love light burning!

The boys are grown now. No more excuses needed for alone time for us, We are empty nesters! But during Christmas time I often get nostalgic so with a wink and a smile I cuddle up to mr. petals and ask...

"Want to wrap some presents??"

sundayscribblings

A vote... for the importance of family

Today I read in the paper that the man who wrote "itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow Polka Dot Bikini" passed away. His name was lee Pockriss, he was 87. How many of you remember that song? I was only 1 when it was released but I have SUCH a vivid, wonderful memory of it.

When i was little, it was such a treat when we took (what had seemed like) the Looong trip into Queens to visit my cousin Terri's family.

Terri was born 4 years before me on the very same day. I always felt that gave us a special connection and I Always idolized her! As was very typical in Italian families, My Aunt Marie entertained in the finished basement of their Queens home, Not to Dare rustle the plastic on the 'good' furniture upstairs! The basement had a full kitchen with a dining table equipped for (what had then seemed like).. 52 people. The sauce was always simmering, the love was always brimming, the laughter...bountiful. Terri's dad, My mothers Brother Joe, always made me feel very special, very part of his beautiful family. Not having a dad of my own, I think that is part of the reason, those rare trips to their home always made me feel so warmhearted... yet afterward, so lonely..... longing for all that they shared.

On one of our trips to Uncle Joe's house, Terri asked me if I wanted to go 'UPSTAIRS' to the living room, to hear some records. I remember thinking she may get into trouble to venture to the 'forbidden' part of the house. Even though I was her younger cousin, Terri Never made me feel it was a chore to entertain me. She was always so kind to me, always with that gorgeous big smile! When she played the record 'polka dot bikini', I was sooo excited and thought it the most fun song I had ever heard. I think she must have played that song for me, at least 10 times! ( It was also fun to peak into the actual kitchen, across the way, to see what it looked like!)

As I grew, Terri and I became pen pals. Through her letters to me, I followed her career, her crush on the boy down the street, their dating, their engagement! When I was 16 she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids at their wedding! You can imagine how exciting that was for me!

Through the years my husband and I became close friends with Terri and her husband and even though they moved out of our state a very long time ago and we don't get to see them often... My heart will always hold a very special place for them. For All of them... uncle Joe who passed 5 years ago Aunt Marie , thoughtful and sweet.... and for Terri....for the beautiful memories that stir up.... with a song title or a pot of sundays spaghetti sauce.

Bird Dog Molly

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'Follow Your Bliss....

........ and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls”

Hard to believe but April 20th marks 5 years since I began this blog! It all began when my friend Ann mentioned she had a blog and I asked her WTF is a blog? After hearing me complain that I wish I had MORE to do with this expensive computer than just dust it, she began explaining it to me and encouraging me to start my own. First I questioned her ... What do I have to write about? Since her blog had a knitting theme, I knew I had NO theme at all. She encouraged me to write about the funny experiences in my salon, my life, day to day stuff. Second, I said... I would NEVER be techie enough to know how to even begin, but being a good egg, she talked me through it step by step, H T T P this and mumbley jumble that. A blog was born! (thanks so much again Ann!)

So here I am, 5 years later! 683 posts under my belt (or finger tips.) Nearly 25,ooo views. I've written about a lot of this and that including stories from my hair salon and some of my wacky/lovable clients! The thing about blogging that I had never expected when I began? I've met such wonderful people through this forum, including one very special soul sister, who I treasure and I know I will be friends with forever! Blogging seemed to open other doors as well. For me, it seemed to help take me out of what I now view as a 'comfortable BLAH'. Maybe it was depression? I am in such a social job and talk and laugh with (mostly) women all day, but I felt I wanted to socialize more, I wanted to surround myself with More outings, more of my old friends, also make new friends but I seemed trapped in this unfulfilled yet totally unmotivated mode of .... "eh, I'm not in the mood!" Not in the mood to call a friend, plan a lunch date, have more company, Meet more people, initiate friendships, PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! I worked and raised my kids and occasionally went out with couple friends, gathered with family but inside I just wasn't feeling ..... complete. My husband constantly encouraged me to make more friends, one way being... get friendlier with the clients that he knew I really loved. I always said 'nah'. I don't want to.

The changes that have happened to me in the last 5 years are amazing. Little by little, with the cathartic outlet of writing, I got back to the friendly, outgoing Lucy that I always used to be. (I swear NO meds either!! haha) I am so lucky to have many amazing women in my life. Women NEED women. I don't care if your husband is your best friend and a gem, WE NEED OUR GIRLFRIENDS too!!! Many who at one time were my clients! I think of how many of them I used to turn down when they asked me to get together with them. Thankfully I turned that social leaf or I would Never be living the life I am currently living. Key word- Living! I feel so much more fulfilled and happy.

About two years ago, One dear client/friend came into my salon ALL excited because she had just tried a New thing called.. Zumba! She rushed in and said...I know how much you Love to dance...You HAVE to come to zumba with me!! the old me? I would have made some half ass excuse but the new me said... I would love to! I think of that and how far I've come with this as well, and I still can't believe that I've embarked upon teaching DANCE/FITNESS classes at my stage of life! I feel this has been an amazing accomplishment and I've never felt this proud of myself.... EVER!

I didn't start this post with a clue of what to write about this anniversary or even a POINT to make! but I now know what my point is.... GET OUT THERE! DON't be afraid to get your ass out of whatever blah comfort spot you're in. Open doors! One thing leads to even better things! First blogging and now through Zumba, I've met even MORE wonderful, dear friends, who I treasure and who I will be friends with forever. I can't imagine if I wouldn't have ventured out to that first class and from there ventured out to that first workshop to become a certified zumba teacher. Don't get me wrong...EVERy step of the way, I second guessed myself, my abilities, my SANITy!! but I DID it! Life is so freaking short... it's NOT a dress rehearsal.. we can't keep thinking...'another day' 'another time'. Open new doors, DO New things and open new paths! THIS is it! Your time! What are you going to do to make it more blissful? It would be a great anniversary gift if you share with me... what your desire is and HOW you're going to MAKE it happen!! thanks for listening!

" the doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live"

The word angel comes from angelos which is the Greek word for messenger

I haven' t blogged in such a long time but just like that treasured longtime girlfriend that You always know will be there for you, no matter how much time has passed between lunch dates with her... my blog too, is here when I need it to be. There is something comforting about this outlet.

I feel I need some comforting this week, my heart seems extra heavy with the weight of so many significant concerns and on top of them so many odd things triggering the pain of many memories of sooo long ago. It's worrisome for me when I find myself STILL pained by memories that are so long past and usually SO long forgotten. I imagine I have these heartaches hidden away in the darkest corners of my being, being guarded behind a locked, darkened window by some type of keeper. Lately though, it's like this little keeper has been a mischievous girl, prying open the window, allowing random, silly triggers to blow in and stir up all those dusty stored piles of hurt feeling, neglect and unfulfilled needs and allowing them to flow out. They flutter up up up, around and around and land heavily on my heart and mind.

Yesterday, I found myself wondering if this keeper is a little rascal or is she perhaps more a messenger Angel of sorts, pushing me to do something about all this antiquated, unwanted clutter.

THREE times this week, a book that had triggered much trouble from this messenger when I had originally read it, was brought up in conversation to me. 'A tree grows in Brooklyn.' I can't even write, read or hear the title, without it evoking the same heavy heart that reading it gave me. When I had read that book, I found myself taking out my old worn out notebook of notes, that I occasionally gathered in my life, notes that I had put up on a shelf and forgot about. Feverishly writing memory after hurtful memory, deliriously intending to one day organize it into some kind of book about my crazy life story! But now, Three times in one week? Along with hearing many emotional songs that are acting as triggers like the poignant song 'farmers daughter' by Crystal Bowersox, which has a few lines that move me to tears. How can ALL these signs not be some kind of message?? Maybe my angel is messengering me to FIND the tattered notebook and take IT AND that 'crazy' dream of writing my novel off the shelf and like a good spring cleaning, open up the window and sweep up every messy corner of my soul.

sundayscribblings

heartless?

So my mom calls me crying yesterday. She has been 'fired' from her VOLUNTEER job!

My mom, who will be 82 this year, has dedicated 10 years of her life to helping at this hospital, 8 hours each week. EVERY time I speak to her she tells me that she LIVES for this job! Through these 10 years, She has been nominated for volunteer of the year, She has sent me copies of letters from people praising her kindness and help. She was even praised in the local paper after helping a patients daughter, who just happened to be a reporter. Mom sits in the surgery waiting area and is there to answer the phone and communicate with family members while their loved ones are having surgery. She is also allowed to call the recovery room and inquire about the patients condition if the family member requests that. Their reason for 'asking her to leave' is that the nurse (bitch?) in the recovery room claims my mom called one day 8 times. Mom denies it was that often. The same nurse also claims that she over heard my mom telling a family member that they couldn't have any more cookies. ( insert my 'what the F*** expression here)

I know they say there are always 3 sides to every story, yours, their's and the truth. All I know is WHATEVER the real story is... this is Bullshit! Are they aware that this woman has lost 3 husbands, buried all her siblings, lives alone, thrives on getting out to be kind and helpful to strangers, is extremely compassionate and completely Harmless?? I am so heart broken for her. I offered to call the director of volunteers to just convey my moms feelings better and question the problem. Mom agreed and actually was relieved to have someone step in. Well, I left a cell message yesterday,but have not heard back yet.

In all fairness, to try to tell THEIR side of the story fairly... they DID offer to send her to another facility to help out. Although that sounds nice, I didn't care for them wording it to her that it's 'Like a promotion". She is not 12. Please don't patronize my mother. My mother is so comfortable in her current position and location. She knows all the doctors and they all joke with her and hug her and this adds to making her days there delightful. Sending an elderly woman to a new location and calling it a promotion is adding insult to injury, in my opinion.

If this director doesn't call me back by tuesday (giving her the 3 day weekend). I am considering trying to contact the head of the hospital. I already searched the website and I don't see an email address for him, but I am hoping their main Number can connect me. Not sure if I can help my mom, but this fire in my belly is propelling me to give it my best try.

What would you do? Any suggestions or comments would be so appreciated!

Merry Stress-free Christmas!

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas! I am going to write myself an ecard and date it for december of 2011 to remind myself of how I was feeling THIS Christmas. What are we all doing?? We are making ourselves needlessly crazy, overworked and certainly Broke! I feel like I already have REALLy cut back on the materialism of Christmas over the years but we need to stop even the little bit of silly spending and needless shopping and craziness that we are doing. A few days after Christmas I was in Kohls department store, NOT returning thankfully, but checking if my sons favorite jeans were finally in stock. The amount of Miserable looking people that I saw waiting on the ridiculously long return line, feeling overheated in their winter coats and boggled down with bags of Unwanted gifts made my heart drop! I thought of the gift givers who were in the Same long line feeling the same stress BEFORE Christmas while buying these items. All that time, effort, money....What is it all for?

Jesus?? I don't think he would care for this! Love? Thoughtfulness?? I stopped and thought about the gifts I received this year and years past that were my absolute favorites...

A few days before Christmas, my middle son was telling his sweet girlfriend about HOW delicious my traditional 'ballie' cookies are and how much she will love them. I overheard him explaining how it's become a tradition to eat these as we open our gifts Christmas morning. I felt so bad to inform him that this year with HOW crazy work and getting ready for Christmas was, I wasn't going to get the time to make them! He looked so upset! Meanwhile, this was all said, only a few minutes after they were racking their brains to think of WhAT to get my husband and I for Christmas. I kept saying ..'Don't spend money! we don't need anything".... So then it dawned on me.. I said..

do you both want to get me the absolute BEST gift?? Make the ballie cookies!!! I'll give you the recipe! ( and I'll give it to you at the end of this rant) So his girlfriend said... Oh, we can do that and then i can buy you a beautiful dish or tin to put them in!!! I said..

Honey, I have too many freaking dishes too many freaking tins!! JUST MAKE THE COOKIES!!!

Well.. they did!! and they were more beautiful than mine (which I usually rush through!) and they were delicious and allowed us our tradition!

The same thing happened with my eldest son,

Like last year, on Christmas eve day, he spent 3 hours in his apartment making two huge trays of his DELICIOUS eggplant parm. for our company. Afterwards, as he put his wrapped gifts under our tree he said... Mom, I didn't know what to get you this year, and picked something stupid. I said.. Sweetheart... you didn't need to get anything.. you just gave me the greatest gift in the world! Your Eggplant!!! Your talent!!! and I truly mean it! These WERE my best two gifts!

I know this is far from a NEW concept, most of us do a little of this. But, Compared to what we usually do at Christmas, wouldn't it just be a walk in the park and SO meaningful if we ONLY give gifts of ourselves next year? cooking, baking, knitting, painting, babysitting, crafts... whatever your talent or ability. Give of yourself. No wrapping necessary! Make it last all year, with notes like... I owe you a day of babysitting each month in 2011! From my husband, I'd like a note that says... 'I gift you an hour foot rub each week!" what do you think??

No return lines to torture your loved ones with! What better way to show them how much they mean to you? I would love to hear from those of you who HAVE already adopted this tradition!

enlighten us with any ideas you have! Happy Healthy 2011 blog buddies! xox

sunday scribblings

Lucy's BALLIE COOKIES

INGRED:

1 CUP SUGAR

2 ½ TSP VANILLA

6 EGGS

½ LB. BUTTER ( MELTED AND COOLED)

6 TSP. BAKING POWDER

4 ½ CUPS OF FLOUR

IN LARGE BOWL MELT BUTTER AND COOL, THEN ADD EGGS, VANILLA AND BEAT WELL ( BY HAND) ADD SUGAR BEAT AGAIN

THEN SLOWLY ADD FLOUR AND BAKING POWDER.. MIX WELL.

ROLL INTO SMALL BALLS ( THE SIZE OF HONEY BALLS) PUT ON UNGREASED COOKIE SHEET. BAKE AT 350 FOR APPROX. 6-8 MIN.

UNTIL LIGHTLY BROWN ON BOTTOM

LET COOL DIP IN GLAZE ( OR COLORED GLAZE) AND ADD SPRINKLES

GLAZE RECIPE

1 CUP CONFECTIONERS SUGAR

½ TSP. VANILLA

2 TBSP. MILK

BEAT WELL WITH MIXER

Somedays, aren't yours at all

Why is my body betraying me so much? I feel like, for every positive baby step I take forward, my body takes 2 giant negative steps backwards. I haven't been feeling well lately, I kept blaming menopause, but after feeling faint while driving the other day, I decided to listen to my dr. and see a neurologist. He took an hours worth of notes on all that's been going on and Now i am waiting for authorization for another mri. Meanwhile, yesterday, despite feeling shitty from this cold I've been fighting, I made the stupid decision to NOT cancel my zumba class and I showed up to teach.

After 45 min into the class, I started getting those same scary feelings... black spots in front of my eyes, the sound of the music became muffled, I was lightheaded, clammy and nauseous, I knew I was going to go down. I stopped the music and told the class I wasn't feeling well and needed a minute. Thank goodness my good friend was in my class, she came running and had me sit down and prevented my fainting. Also, one of my students coincidentally was a dr. and she came running as well. She wanted to call an ambulance, because she couldn't feel my pulse and the dizziness was Not passing. Long story shortened, i instead saw my dr.(well, her NP) who said I have a sinus infection. I'm not saying I know MORE than a nurse practitioner, but I know MY body and MY history and I feel I had such POOR medical care. I was feeling SO lethargic and was FREEZING with chills, even though I had no fever, yet she didn't do any blood work. My history shows my blood count goes dangerously low when I'm sick. I came home from that appointment and stayed under a million blankets and just shook for hours! I slept for 15 hours. Today I am still light headed and am so scared to feel faint again while home alone. I know it's silly to feel so pessimistic but between this problem, my knee problems, and my migraines... I am worried that my much desired zumba career, may have to be nixed. I don't know why, but whenever I don't feel well, I just cry like a big baby. I also, can't help but think THE WORST. My Aunt died of brain cancer, My Grandma died before I was born due to a heart attack in her sleep at age 55! I am scared to be sick. I wish I could be an optimistic person. But, I keep hearing of SO many young people with dreadful circumstances, I am worried I will be one too. (here come the tears again) Somedays, it's just not possible to be the positive Lucy who is always looking for the good. :(

Bright Idea

Mr. Petals and I enjoyed a three day mini break from work for our 30th anniversary celebration!

Our son Nick and his girlfriend surprised us with play tickets, so we began our mini-holiday in style.. eating at our favorite italian restaurant in Manhattan (Patsys) and then seeing the very powerful play.. FELA! Patti Labelle played Fela's mother and her incredible voice had me in goosebumps! The african music and especially the dancing was thrilling!

We arrived in Manhattan early and were happy to see that broadway was closed for blocks because of a street fair. We enjoyed the sounds of Jamaican tunes coming from booths selling cds and the delicious smells from all the various food stands were a perfect appetizer! We browsed many hand made items and I finally purchased a beautiful glass heart pendant which was a Whopping 3 dollars!

The next two days were uneventful but very relaxing and enjoyable. We strolled through the tanger mall one day. When the weather is nice, which it was, that place makes you feel like you're strolling along in a european city.

Mr. Petals encouraged me to pop in to many shops but I kept resisting the temptation until I saw... the betsey Johnson shop! I found the most adorable little baby cotton black dress with buttons ALL down the front and three tiers of ruffles on the butt! It was marked down from 178.00 to 60.00!!! I couldn't resist! When we got home I had the BRIGHT IDEA that this little dress would make a great Wednesday Adams costume! If only we had a party to go to! No sooner did I get those words out, I recieved an email invitation to our neighbors halloween party!

Mr. Petals did up his own hair and makeup so well! But...he wasn't really sure WHAT he was. When we arrived at the party the host's daughter who is only 18 said... WOW... demented clown, right??? haha We of course said RIGHT!!! My wednesday adams costume even got me one nomination for 'best costume' prize... but I happily lost to 'hit girl' whose outfit was GREAT!
Overall.... That last week in October was romantic, entertaining and LOT's of FUN!
sunday scribblings

meme time

I'm so happy my sweet friend Diana tagged me to do a Meme. I haven't had as much blogging time lately and when I do get a moment to blog, I find there is SO much to say, I just don' t know where to begin! So, today i begin by answering Diana's questions and then the rules imply that I must tag others and ask them new questions!

The four questions Diana asked me...
1. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

I have many Diana, but I think one that is so fun is the one We started with our kids a few years back which we call Christmas day FRY FEST! They invite their friends over and we set up the deep fryer and have THE most fattening fun day! From zucchini to calamari to shrimp to fries to nuggets to sweet potatoes! every year there's something new in there! Everyone enjoys this casual yummy time!

2. You're in a time machine? Where are you going?

OH I am Definitely going BACK in time... the future is NOt for me Diana! I would LOVE to go back to a time before 1962 the year my dad died. I would love to go back to when he was healthy and get to know the man that I never had the opportunity to know. he passed away when I was only 3.

3. What is your favorite store?

for house wares? it's got to be Bed/bath and beyond! I can stay there all day!

4. What is your favorite movie ever?

ever?? Come on Diana... that's hard when you're a movie lover!! Okay...I am going to have to say the wizard of Oz!

thanks for thinking of me!

I am asking anyone who wants to do this meme to please tag yourself with these questions..

1.If you could only eat ONE food for the rest of your life which would it be?

2. What is the best compliment you've ever been given?

3. If you could go back in history and interview ONE person, who would it be?

4. What's your favorite quality about YOU? don't be shy!

It's been so long since I last posted, I almost feel uncomfortable choosing something to write about, but I just came from my sweet buddy Giggles blog and her words as usual, have inspired me to just TRY to get back here and write. period.

This uncomfortable feeling reminded me of how uncomfortable we feel when we lose touch with people.. Have you ever felt this?... It's been so long... the obligation feels like it's in your hands.... but you've been out of touch for a year or more... how do you make that phone call? Awkward but necessary to continue this relationship with dear friends that you have less in common with now but they're friends that you've had for over 30 years. Hmmm (I'll have to procrastinate a bit longer with this problem)

As I predicted nearly two months ago in my last post... I've been Busy! My library Zumba jobs don't begin until Nov 9th BUT... about one month ago, I was hired by a local community center to teach Zumba every thurs. eve! I've also been teaching every other sunday at the same center, helping out a friend with her class until her injury heals. I am LOVING teaching! My first class... I was So scared... I felt so nervous and was sure I would never remember all the steps to 15 songs... BUT!!! guess what?? it went better than I had ever expected!! WHY do we always doubt ourselves?? ALL those needless, worrisome, sleepless nights!! The program director, who hired me called me and left me the absolute BEST message! She said... "Lucy... these members are VERy vocal and I usually hear complaints... But EVERYONE is coming to me to tell me HOW much they LOVE your class and they LOVE YOU!!!" (What always went hand and hand with my self-doubting?? NEVER admitting or sharing praise like this! Well... here it is!! I am putting it out there and am NOT going to be embarrassed about sharing a compliment that I am doing a super job!) (okay.. i admit it... I almost deleted that compliment)

What is surprising me a lot about this new endeavor?? I never expected to love choreographing my own routines so much. Like an artist who paints a beautiful picture and enjoys seeing the reaction of admirers... When I look out at the students who are not only mirroring All the steps and moves that I put together to go with the music, but also ENJOYING doing them and doing them so well.... WOW! I am feeling so proud of myself! I had so many wonderful people encouraging me to get going with this dream I had.. but I keep thinking of my friend Ana.. who said... 'Lucy.. JUST START! it will all fall into place." What a good lesson that is and it can pertain to so many things that we are always either worried about or putting off or OVER thinking! Just start!! or as Nike so brilliantly coined... JuSt DO it!

(hmmm guess I better call my dear old friends tomorrow morning :)

wow.. Look at that ... I actually wrote something! Whew! the blog ice is broken!

a quick blog update...
*Summer just FLEW by!
(i feel sad to see it pass, the weather has been Beautiful and I enjoyed extra days off from work)

*My youngest son is leaving for college in a few days.
(I've been an emotional wreck, although I know he is going to thrive and LOVE this school, I keep questioning so much like ...Did I prepare him enough?)

*I've accomplished my goal of getting a job teaching Zumba!
(I am contracted to two local libraries beginning in November, NERVOUS but so excited too)

*Today...My husband just gave me an EARLY 30th anniversary gift! (which is not until October) A new setting for the diamond from my engagement ring and a matching wedding band!
(I feel so spoiled and have such a difficult time justifying this but he's been saving since our 25th anniversary! The gold band on my old ring wore out so dangerously thin, I haven't worn it in years. So why are my palms so sweaty!? Major purchases shatter my nerves but I am so excited too.)

* I've forgiven my mom, Once again.
(after that last rant and how upset I felt, I thought I would be feeling awful for a long time, but letting it go and forgiving again, gives my heart peace.)

Well.... that's my update! I am hoping I can try to blog a bit more frequently, but between Making Many oatmeal cookies to send in my son's care packages and practicing my zumba routines and creating new choreography, while working my normal job... I have a feeling the next few months may have me blogging even less. Happy/safe labor day weekend to all! and Also a Happy Fall!