first response?? Somebody shoot me!

I haven't been as scared as I was this morning... In a very long time. Last night I bought my very first over the counter pregnancy test. I guess this explains the nightmares I had in the last two posts! I just haven't been feeling too well lately. I kept chalking it up to that bitch Peri. But after speaking to a nurse at my gynecologists office about my dear departed friend, and then Her telling me that all my hormone levels from a recent blood test were normal, I started to sweat. When I told the nurse that I am also bloated and have sore boobs and cry at the drop of a pin.. She made that little noise....u know the one? Like she was sucking in the side of her mouth? I said... Are u thinking what I am thinking??".... She said, well it wouldn't hurt to buy a pregnancy test. I said... I am turning FIFTY in a few months! I may as well buy a freaking gun too!!
Last night poor Mr. Petals looked a funny shade of puce with green circles under his eyes and just like a cartoon he had hypnotic circles dancing IN his eyes. I decided to torture the poor bastard a little longer and wait till the morning for, eh hmm, a stronger test solution! (procrastination is a dead woman's best friend) My doctor called me back this morning and woke me from a comatose sleep. She asked if I did the test yet. I told her that I didn't 'go' yet and the thought of positive results were just paralyzing me.. She said DO the test, I just KNoW it will be negative.. She then went on to tell me WHY she believes I AM in Peri-menopause and all my symptoms were normal for that stage... ( I also discovered, stupid me, I had been talking to a receptionist last night, NOT a nurse). THank GOd, My doc was right! only ONE little pink line appeared in the tiny window. ( these little tests would be so damn cute if they weren't so fucking terrifying.) I am feeling like a tight rope has been released from my wind pipe! my second response? twin beds!