Happy New Year '08!

Now and Then is Sunday scribblings New Years Prompt.
I have been fighting a cold for the last couple of days and today I feel worse, congested, sore throat and a back ache that is killing me. I would love to think of a wonderful 'Now and Then' post for all my blogging buddies...but the following is all my heavy head could think of...
New Years Eve '06- Then- I remember drinking delicious wine. New years Eve '07-Now- If I dare drink I will risk quite an asthma attack, (Maybe, I will put some Robitussin in a wine glass.) Then - I remember laughing with good friends.- Now - It wouldn't be funny for my good friends to risk catching this. Then-I remember wearing a beautiful sexy black shirt.-Now- My flannel purple doggie p.j.s won't be sexy but as cozy as can be. Then I remember enjoying shrimp cocktail Now So happy I have homemade Chicken soup!
Then- I gave my sweetheart a passionate New Years kiss Now- It will be a gentle hug.
Now.... besides my usual list of resolutions I will be adding one- that next New years Eve '08 (THen) I resolve NOT to be sick and feel like I do.... now.... this is really confusing me... It must be the sudafed talking. Everytime I get sick, I appreciate being well so much more! When I get back to normal....I swear each morning I will not take for granted waking feeling well and savoring that delicious first cup of coffee.
I wish everyone a happy and HEALTHY New Year! Hope this finds you feeling Super!

Save the planet (and your Ass!)

Writers Islands prompt this week-EARTH
I think there are two types of people on our EARTH... 1. those who think nothing of tossing their Big Mac litter out their car windows and 2. those who will drive to their destination with the lingering nasty onion odor( making them sorry they ate this food in the first place) ,just to do the right thing and throw it in a garbage pail.... If you're type one ,you probably could care less about our wonderful planet... BUT you Care about your own ass.(fat ass, if you don't give up the junk food) So... read this Brilliant routine from Mr. George Carlin.... and maybe... Just maybe, you will perceive it the way I do. Not as an anti-green rant, but as a warning. Warning You to show Mr. EARTH a little respect.....before YOU or your future descendants ARE shaken off his back like a bad case of fleas!

"We're so self-important. So self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven't learned how to care for one another, we're gonna save the fucking planet?

I'm getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I'm tired of fucking Earth Day, I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't. Not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn't impress me.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun?

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles...hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages...And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet...the planet...the planet isn't going anywhere. WE ARE!

We're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe. A little styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.

You wanna know how the planet's doing? Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position from volcanic ash, how the planet's doing. You wanna know if the planet's all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we're gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, 'cause that's what it does. It's a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it's true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn't share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn't know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, "Why are we here?" Plastic...asshole.

So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that's begun. Don't you think that's already started? I think, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat. Something to be dealt with. And the planet can defend itself in an organized, collective way, the way a beehive or an ant colony can. A collective defense mechanism. The planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet? How would you defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species? Let's see... Viruses. Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And, uh...viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along. And maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

Well, that's a poetic note. And it's a start. And I can dream, can't I? See I don't worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we're part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand. A higher order. Call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron...whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while.by George Carlin

I would also like to add.... If this moved you... even if it just moved you to chuckle.... Make ONE change! If we all just add one more smart change to our lives... I think we can make a difference. I think we can keep Mr. Earth from annihilating us! check out 26 things we can do to help
Don't get me wrong-I DON'T do nearly as much as I know I should. I like a long hot shower, I drive everywhere, I use my clothes dryer A LOT. But, being conscious of what can help and trying each day to make a change.... is a start! ( I recently switched all my light bulbs to the compact fluorescents..... They take a while to give you light, which is sometimes a pain, especially when you get something in your eye and run into the DARK bathroom! haha Other than that, they seem great! )

Twas the day after Christmas

It's the day after Christmas and all through my rooms
I need a vacuum a mop, soapy sponges and brooms.
The washer is filled with tablecloths of sauces and such
because we ate like fat bastards foods tasty and too much
The eve had my home filled with family, laughs and fun
We relaxed in the hot tub when they left after one
With Papa in his apron and me in mine too
He cranked up his fry pot, I made a fondu
I served various fishes and Italian dishes
My sons eggplant parmigiano- DELICIOUS!
Fried Shrimp, baked clams, Calamari, OH MY
Creme puffs and cookies and warm apple pie
Realized I forgot to serve the garlic knots I baked
Probably spared my guests a Christmas belly ache

Christmas day was peaceful and quiet- like heaven
Still had Our fry-daddy Crankin', 'Fry fest '07'!
We opened gifts with our pets and 3 boys
listened to music, ATE, played games we enjoy
watched a movie, ATE, called friends far away
Swore to give up eating all together after today

The kids stayed up late and are still nestled in their messy beds
The dogs are conked out like they've been given doggy meds
The husband has gone back to work, he needs to make a buck
so we can attempt to pay Am Ex Christmas charges, wish us Luck!
I in my red jammies, just can't get my ass up
I need more coffee... just one more cup
Then I will plug in the Orek vacuum, get it rumbling
Wake my kids for their help, Yes, they'll be grumbling
Of course I'm not complaining about all we ate, bought and messed
Because my heart knows my family and our lives are truly blessed
What I would like to exclaim before I get out of sight
Is I wish everyone in our world could be blessed like this each night

Here's some pictures I would like to share-


Molly doesn't understand what she should do with her new toy


Cosmo however KNOWS what to do with a stuffed squirrel!



My buddy Ann made me these beautiful handknitted socks! I am loving them!




I feel so blessed to have met my friend Jenny through blogging. She sent me these beautiful handmade coasters! They will be used year round!

My Ballie and Tri-colored Cookies have been my breakfast for the last 3 days!


In this big box is a large set of much needed corning ware from my in-laws, who had brought over chinese food a few weeks ago BUT couldn't find any bowls in my kitchen to serve it in! Good thinking Mom and Dad!

Christmas Memories

When I think of Holiday Memories I seem to mostly remember the holidays I've spent since I've been with my husband. Christmas 1976-The year we first met, he lived alone and said he wasn't decorating or getting himself a Christmas tree. During that December, My brother-in-law was working in a nursery and as a joke before bringing over our Christmas tree, He first brought in this skimpy, tall twig with one branch on it. A true Charlie Brown Christmas tree. We all had a laugh and then they threw away this poor twiggy tree.
I picked it up and drove it over to my husbands apartment. We actually decorated it with tinsel, lights and a few sparkling trinkets and it added so much warmth to that little place, which eventually became my little place too!
I don't remember too many of my early Christmas memories. What I do remember is more from the stories I have been told. My Dad, who had contracted a heart condition from Rheumatic fever as a child, passed away 2 weeks before Christmas. I was three, my sister was nine and my brother, 12. I was told my mom was (understandably) so distraught she didn't buy presents or decorate or acknowledge that it was Christmas. My Aunt ( my Moms brothers wife) bought presents for my sister, brother and I and insisted we all come to her home for Christmas day. It is a very fond memory for my siblings. My sister told me this story when I was about 12 and that Christmas I wrote a very heartfelt letter of thanks to that Aunt who was the kindest to us in our time of need. She is still one of the sweetest people I know.
The only early memory that really is my own, Is the memory of not being able to sleep on Christmas Eve and waking up and snooping at the gifts under our tree. I recently wrote a poem about this that I am actually proud of! So, I would like to share it again for Sundays Scribblings appropriate prompt holiday memories

Tip toe barefoot undaunted by the night
darkened house lit only by Angel-light
Dry needles tinsel on faux pads of white snow
Cling to tip toes tip toes as she creeps down real low

Haunted by whispered naughtiness, she should be asleep in bed
Shhhh! Haunted by inquisitiveness, she must first peep instead

Quiet as can be, embellished surprises get a gentle shake
rustling sounds of papers echo however others do not wake
Not quite believing nonetheless conceiving this evenings magical delight
Tip toes, toes cold, tips back under warm covers finally asleep till first light


fun memory-One year our 'usual' Santa passed the job to our oldest son and was able to get a different perspective!


Sexy Memories-My 'Mr. Claus' would always get a bit naughty with me!
Wishing everyone a naughty Christmas Eve!

Hallelujah

I hope you will press play and I hope Rufus moves you like he moves me

I am moved by so many things this holiday season. I've always been an overly sensitive, overly emotional person. This season, however, my heart is on emotional over-load. Not just for the big heartaches like our lost & homesick troops, the less fortunate, sick and homeless. It also seems like even the smallest things can set me off with tears of sadness, happiness OR both simultaneously!. A small child's wonder as I watch her wait her turn to visit Santa. A baby in a stroller with a jingle bell hat who smiles at me as I wait on line behind him. The precious Memories of my children's past Christmas's and wishes come true. My children just giving me their usual daily hugs. And OH the music! While getting a manicure, James Taylors flawless voice singing 'have yourself a merry little Christmas' propelled me to embarrassing tears and to best buy, I had to hear it again and again. And Rufus....Oh Rufus! The mans voice just moves me in ways I can't possibly verbalize. I just can't get enough of Hallelujah. Although it's not a Christmas song, The beauty of his amazing voice along with the melodic vocalization of this meaningful word, has moved me to tears, to singing, to dancing (either alone or with whomever is in my path!)
For me, This season is about' being moved'. It is all about being charitable, being loving, Being with Family and friends, being giving AND forgiving. Being a compassionate Human being. It's about tolerance. It's about praying for Peace. It's about reaching out to others with tenderness, kindness and humanity. It's about being Extremely thankful and appreciative for every single blessing in our lives. It's about wishing friends like you a heartfelt 'Merry' Christmas and It's about expressing all these feelings with a joyful, passionate.....Hallelujah!!

to read more about 'this season' visit writers Island

Dance Dance Dance

I LOVE to dance!!

Please click HERE To see- My 3 sons & I, dancing with much Christmas spirit!
Then I hope you come back and click here and watch me dance with my other 3 elves. ( I mean family members!)
Hope this puts you in the spirit too!

Seriously though! It is funny that this is the sunday scribblings
prompt. I just decided to go back to dancing school!
I contacted the school I attended THIRTY-FIVE years ago! ( No! the teacher isn't dead by now!! He is still 'kickin'! )
Since I just can't get back into exercising... I thought why not do something I love! Something I don't think I will
consider merely exercising. I will let you know How it goes!
( In this older post
you will remember I talked about and showed a picture from dancing school. Despite Mr. Vic's cheerleader remark, I am going to embark! )

thanks for the elf laughs Sherrie!

In one small moment

The Moment she said the words.....memories flooded back to me. In one moment I was laughing and shampooing my clients color out of her hair. She was telling a funny story. She was reminiscing about her child's high-school days. He never woke for class, they would pour cold water on him. They would threaten him. A small moment later she mentioned they threatened him with the -Truant officer.- My heart stopped, I started shaking inside, the memory that had been tucked so far back from my heart and mind exploded. I don't know if she noticed how quiet I became, my laughter ceased. A sadness came over me over a memory of my childhood that sums up that childhood. That stabs me with pain. However, NOW that it has abruptly moved into my consciousness. Now that I have wept and agonized. I feel I CAN control the pain of this memory and all it brings with it. Maybe, By talking about it. Maybe, By writing it down. Definitely, By not being so embarrassed about a way of life that as a child I had No control of. In the third grade the 'truant officer' came to my home. To remove a frightened little girl who was hiding in her mothers closet and escort her back to elementary school. A little girl, who was solely responsible for getting herself up each morning. Getting herself fed, bathed and dressed. Walking herself the short walk to the bus stop and getting herself off to school on time. It is very understandable that playing hooky became her preference most days. I don't remember how many days of school I must have missed that particular year. Apparently, the school must have called my mom at work and she must have (I would assume) given permission for this 'official' kidnapping. My big sister was home that day too. At 14, she was a hooky champion as well. She pulled me out of that cluttered closet. She told me I HAD to go to school with this man. I was merely 8 yrs. old. I was hysterically crying. I was extremely terrified. I was, as I now am, shaking inside.
I remember sitting so silently in the front seat of his little red Volkswagen beetle. I remember going into my classroom and a few kids asking " Why would you come to school this late? It's almost time to go home."
In a quick moment I lied that I was sick in the morning but felt better now.
Today I assume a parent would be arrested for leaving a little child consistently unattended. Back in the '60's, no one seemed to notice or care. From Kindergarden on through..... I was given the momentous responsibility of....myself. alone.

I'm not sure if I will be able to hit the 'publish post' button tomorrow. Part of me feels, this may help the healing process, part of me feels devastated to disclose such an intimate glimpse into my past. I fear and resent pity. I fear being viewed as pathetic. I just need to rebound. I need to put the pain in perspective. I just need to mend.
writers island

Competition

I am not at all competitive. I love playing board games, but I love them just as much whether I win or lose. ( In my house, I'm just so happy if someone agrees to play with me! Wah! ) So theSunday Scribblings prompt this week, led my very congested brain in another direction....

Each competing for my dire attention
day by day by relentless day
each cramp my brains limited retention
causing me guilt for their dismay
I used to love to pamper them all
gave extra care in the spring and fall!
Now my efforts have somehow lost their groove
lackluster they give me no inspiration
Maybe I'll abandon them all! Just move!
No, I don't possess that determination
I guess I just have to deal with these demanding BORES
Even though I'd rather take a walk on the beach
I guess I just have to do my humdrum household chores
Can you Pass me the toilet-bowl brush and the bleach?

Zombies and Gypsies

Please press play!

Many mornings I drive my eldest son to work. He actually does the driving. I am a tense, defensive driver. He on the other hand drives like he is 80. Obeys speed limit laws, never accelerates to 'make the green' light. Is never harried by anything. (I don't know who he takes after, certainly Not his dad!) So the passenger seat is very relaxing on the way to his school. Right now, In my cars c.d. changer I have 2 Regina Spektor cds, One Bjork, One Alicia Keys, One Roisin Murphy. Spot # 6 used to have Fergie... BUT on our way to school my son, who LOVES music but HATES the above mentioned cds... Compromises, ( another 80 yr. old wonderful quality!) He brings His fleetwood mac c.d., Something we both enjoy. My favorite track is Gypsy. He good naturedly tolerates me singing at the top of my lungs MY rendition of Stevie at her best. Like the Lightening she sings about I often times sing it...' Twice! ' So this has been our routine since F. moved back home this past August. The 20 minute drive to the school he works in not only has us enjoying Fleetwood Mac, we also enjoy really nice conversations. ( well, of course Not while Gypsy is playing). Today I hit button #6 ( and cleared my throat).... But wait ... This isn't Gypsy! OH MY..... Another Artist F. and I both Love.... The Cranberries happily surprised me! My favorite Cranberry tune? ZOMBIE! My son didn't laugh as I tried to mimic her unusual style of singing. He just smiled and said 'Mom, you should sing, You could put your poetry to music... I can teach you to play the guitar too.' Does this make you melt also? Or, Is it just 'cause I'm his Mom? He is so cute. I stopped singing and thanked him but told him I didn't think the guitar would be good for my arthritis! ( Of course now I had to put Zombie back on from the beginning).
When we first began sharing my car and I thought about these cold early mornings, having to get dressed and take a ride, I never imagined it would become one of the highlights of my day. Till the end of my life.... Anytime I hear Gypsy or Zombie I know I will remember these mornings and treasure their memories.

Search Video Codes

only press play if you love zombies

Our Promise of Love

We said I do I do I do
We promised 'I'll always love you'
young pillow talk idealistic dreaming
romance rapture euphoric gaze gleaming
guarded inner identities revealed
vows before friends and god sealed
heart and soul-mates, our spirits unite
then life's bumpy road challenges plight
like a random coin chance had tossed
force some to abandon vows seek divorce
still others sustain, dance the to and fro
give and take hold on tight don't let go
ups downs sickness frustration
sadness stress financial devastation
raising kids extremely crazy
work ceaseless, love-life lazy
perseverance through thick and thin
Love comes Full circle, rapture again
faith devotion patience strength-galore
love and passion grow ever more
ripening promises made years before
Sharing life as lovers and best friends
Empowered commitment brings amends
'Till death do we part' our traditional adage
believe. treasure. promise enduring marriage
Each bearing witness to each others significant life
Divine is the intimacy of a husband and wife


for more promises go to writers island

the edge of absurdity

This is my little salon decorated for Christmas. YES Christmas, not winter. Today with the sunday scribblings prompt 'Walk', I'd like to take a walk on the edge. The edge of all this Politically correct crap. When exactly did it happen? When did our society get so overly sensitive and INtolerant of the differences of others? I am so sick of going to my sons "winter" concert and not even hearing Jingle bells. A few years back the band actually played "in the good ol' summertime". Our children should learn about how different cultures celebrate their different holidays. It would be educational and very interesting. To bypass every ones beliefs by throwing the 'seasonal' theme into a celebration is denying our kids the education of diversity. No longer is Halloween a celebration in our district... It's the autumn celebration... No more costumes! That offended a few people! So instead of those few keeping their kids home on October 31st, Our kids give up a much loved tradition, further instituting a spiritless school environment.
Easter and passover are known as our Spring Celebration. Give me a break! Cupcakes for a birthday? ARE YOU CRAZY Man? There is SUGAR in those.... Get a crate of clementines and shove a candle in one! ( No wonder suicide is on the rise)
Now to top it all off we are getting on Santas case! Being Fat and saying Ho-HO-HO is apparently OFFENSIVE! Yeah.... There is an epidemic of obesity with the young because the are all emulating St. Nick. It couldn't be all the fast food in their diets and the sedentary life-style they're leading. It couldn't be cupcake deprival is making them crazy. NO! So, now some PC Morons ( btw... I would LOVE to know who THEY are) are proposing that we have Santa slim down and say HA HA HA! Are you Fucking kidding me? Doesn't anyone respect tradition anymore? When did it happen that more people hear HO HO HO and think of loose women instead of an old fashioned chuckle? Are the loose women out there starting this campaign? If so ... Listen up Mamas... If you're a HO deal with it, Santa means nothing personal. He is trying to be jolly in spite of the deranged community he is condemned to ring his bell in.

I found it interesting recently when my ASIAN nail technician (who speaks broken english and has often asked me for corrections) referred to someone Chinese as Oriental. I smiled and explained to him that now a days that is considered Politically incorrect... The term is Asian, Oriental describes a carpet.
( that was the example someone once gave me) He looked at me like my information was absurd, He replied "but She is from the Orient." I agree with him and doubt it was an Asian that started that whole PC alteration....... Who knows who starts these ridiculous corrections, but we can stop them by becoming more tolerant of each other. Give mankind the benefit of the doubt, don't assume he is trying to insult YOU, maybe he is just doing HIS own thing. I remember part of an expression from my youth... You do your thing and I'll do mine and if we should meet.... ( I can't remember I think groovy may have been the next word, if you remember please tell me) Let's change it to 'You do your thing and I'll do mine and if we should meet up in our community I will respect your beliefs and You mine.'

a closer view shows you my tiny CHRISTMAS tree and CHRISTMAS stocking, I also have a sign saying MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I respect and love my non-christian clients and friends and they respect that I celebrate a different holiday than they do, many Love experiencing that difference with my festive decor, music and treats.

Do Re Me ABC

Kim over at RED MOON tagged me with a meme whose rules are: Come up with an adjective to describe yourself for every letter of the alphabet. BUT all the adjectives must be positive - no self effacing!

So here I am in alphabetical order:

Affectionate ( I'm a hug and kiss kind of person)

Bubbly (the word my husband used to use to describe me, not so much lately!)

Cautious ( if you've read this blog... no need to explain)

Dramatic ( this can be good, no?)

Emotinal ( many would Say OVERLY emotional)

Funny (so I've been told)

Generous ( I love giving to others)

Healthy ( I'm proud that I am very healthy at 48)

Intuitive ( it must be a woman thing)

Jumpy ( I startle easily)

Kind ( sometimes too kind which can be a fault you know)

Little ( there is only 5' of me)

Maternal ( it's all I wanted in my life)

Nutty ( in a good way- ditsy would be appropriate too)

Obliging ( I think I'm very easy going)

Polite ( thankyou very much)

Quick ( I do many things super speedy,if you see me at Costco.. I'm the one running with the cart)

Repetitive ( I just remembered I ALREADY did one of these abc mems!, although the first word was there for me)

Sweet ( When people describe me it's either sweet or cute... I guess thats better than bitchy or ugly)

Thrifty ( Remind me to tell you the story of the TWO sausages)

Unscathed ( Do you know I have NEVER had a broken bone or serious injury?? This is due to letter 'C'.

Voluptuous ( let's just say.... I've ample supply)

Worthy ( I am a good person and deserving of good things in life)

Xdorable ( every time I'm stumped on a letter and ask my husband for a word he puts the letter I'm stumped on in front of adorable... so for letter 'X' I will go with his opinion!)

Youthful ( I am definitely young at heart and tend to dress a little trendy)

Zany ( no need for an explanation here)

I would love to tag Daisy Sherrie and Jen
Of course tag yourself if you have the desire.

The Letter

I wish I could write a flagrant letter
put my feelings of this caper on paper
I think it could help me feel better
better than your paper mache bouquet
arms stretched out giving and blushing
blushing generosity weakens me wispy
I play an inspiring letter-writing lullaby
lullaby plays above sheets of papers bare
bare save sprays of perfume streaks misty
misty mood music moves my pen in the air
Air perfumed by Autumns open-window breeze
Breeze blows easing sweaty palms tight squeeze
squeeze slightly moves lightly and starts to compose
compose a letter to procure my need to feel better
better than this tear-stained paper mache rose
rose this morning needing to write this letter
to let her know that her barren attempts have failed
failed to lift my hearts disappointments and valid pain
painful beyond our past still so far I've no disdain
disdain wastes energy better well spent
spent on writing this letter never to be sent
instead A conceivable note of thanks alone is sullenly mailed
mailed as autumns intoxicating air is slowly deeply inhaled


for more "letters" visit writers island

frugal youth

please hit play and listen to 10,000 maniacs- these are days

"Misspent Youth" is the Sunday Scribblings topic.
Hmmmmm... I am wondering .... DID I Miss Spend my youth? S.S. asks ... What kind of kid were you? Well, I was a VERY cautious kid. Looking back I can definitely say I spent too much time being cautious and worrying. I remember when we moved across town and I had to attend a new middle school. After about a week a girl I had just met asked me to come to her sleep over party. I said I have to ask my mom. My mom said "sure" but the next day I went to school and told her I wasn't allowed because My mom didn't know her family. How weird was I ?? I wanted my mom to say yes but I also wanted her to ask all the right 'mom' questions and statements of concern... ( which I of course am very good at now that I am a Mom... ) WHAT IS HER NAME/ WHERE DOES SHE LIVE/WILL HER PARENTS BE HOME/ I NEED TO MEET THEM /WHAT IS THEIR PHONE NUMBER/WHO WILL BE THERE/CALL ME IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE/ .... Who knows I could have had a great time and met more new friends. This is only one example of my weird cautiously spent youth.
My One huge regret or should I say THE main wasteful Squandering of my youth, was that I didn't attend college. At home It wasn't even discussed, EVER. I think now of how terrible it was that even at school a guidance counselor or a teacher never encouraged me. I wasn't a great student but only because I attended high school to basically socialize and ogle boys. I had a great method of cutting which never led to detention. ( which I will not reveal while I still have a kid in H.S.!) I know I had potential, Every report card, Every teacher... the same words "not working up to her potential". Geeez, What a stupid, cautious, weird kid. If I could go back I would have absorbed every lesson, every bit of information. I would have pursued college. I can't go back and do it again and who knows, if I would have taken a different path and gone off to college, I maybe wouldn't have met my husband and had all those great teenage years of his passionate kisses. hmmmm....... Educated? Loved? Educated? Loved? Come to think of it... I spent my youth well- I'm a well loved Dumb-Dumb!! :~))

loupee is on a loop

Before we went to our relatives house today to celebrate Thanksgiving and eat a nice dinner, I did something many would consider a bit looney.
I made a thanksgiving dinner. I prepared the stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes & stuffed mushrooms last night after a 7 hour work day. This morning I had that sucker stuffed cooked and cooling before we left. The reason? Favorite traditional holiday foods, The smell of turkey filling our home and of course... Leftovers.... For many years this was my designated holiday. I loved making the special foods my kids enjoy. Every year after the GiANT clean up was done and everyone went home, I would make a plate of all my favorite Turkey day treats, sit down in front of a favorite t.v. show and really, really enjoy every last bite of my delicious hard work.
A few years ago, I broke tradition, I needed a change. I decided to take on Christmas eve as 'my' holiday. Well, the last few Thanksgivings just haven't been the same.~ No turkey and stuffing at 11 p.m.. ~ No holiday 'smell' ~ Fridge bare on Friday ~ Complaints like... I missed your stuffing Mom and they didn't have stuffed mushrooms.
This all sounds quite reasonable doesn't it?? Well, my eldest son would disagree. His theory ( and I must say.. he has many and I totally enjoy hearing his take on EveryThing) His Theory is I am stuck in a loop. In this case... I am stuck in the Thanksgiving loop because that is all I know HOW to do on this holiday. COOK. (It was hard not to smile while he was explaining this to me) He thought it was lunacy that I would create all this work on my day off from work and from entertaining. I explained that I know the favorite foods we all have would have been missed and maybe I'm creating nice memories. He feels I've already created nice Thanksgiving memories and It's time to move on... and get off (or is it out of )THE Loop. Maybe he is right. After all, it is of course not only about the food. It is about family. It is about giving thanks. AND... As my Weight watcher leader would say when she is emphasizing getting a grip.... it isn't a holiWEEK... it is..... only a holiDAY.
oooh It's already 11:30?..... time to make up my plate of leftovers :~))

The Dream

For writers Islands 'dream' prompt I decided to post 2 older posts from February & March of this year. I was having such Weird reoccurring dreams then. I am so grateful that they have stopped and I'm back to sleeping like a baby not even remembering any of my dreams. Like the 2nd to last paragraph describes... this is my built in dvd mechanism.... playing an older adventure... A repeat for my long time buddies but a 'new release' to my new friends.

Feb. 18, 2007-
On many nights I have been dreaming about babies. The bizarre thing is, I am always being neglectful of the baby. I am going about my different activities, and all of a sudden, it's like the light bulb goes off and I remember I have a baby who has not been changed or fed or held! I'm not sure if it is one of my own babies or if I am watching someone's baby. It's very disturbing and I always wake feeling very upset. One night I had a similar one about puppies.
( baby dogs). This one was more horrific because unlike the babies who are soiled, hungry and upset- These puppies were totally forgotten about in my basement. After the whole summer went by I finally remembered them and when I ran downstairs to rescue them they had disintegrated and only Huge golden powder puffs of fur were blowing around like tumble weeds! It was like a horror movie! I woke up from this one terrified! My husband thought I was influenced by that horrible scene in the movie Superman Returns, where one dog eats another. I had watched that movie a few nights before the dream. That doesn't explain the numerous forgotten baby dreams. My girlfriend thinks it means that I have way too much on my mind and I have been very forgetful, so I am worried I may forget something important. I'm not sure she is right. I am wondering If I am the baby? Am I feeling I don't take good care of myself? I do feel dreams are important puzzle pieces, illustrating what we are feeling subconsciously. What do you think? What crazy dreams do you repeatedly have? I would really love to understand these dreams. But, for tonight, I am hoping to forget them and just sleep like a baby.

March 11, 2007
I recently wrote about dreams, because mine have been disturbing lately. So the prompt this week, Dream Journey- made me question what path I took to get here. What dreams have led me to these troubled ones? Is there a connection? The fact that my new dreams are reoccurring is reminding me of reoccurring dreams I had during my dreadful high school years. My high school dreams were about escaping. I was running through a fun house type of house. Opening doors only to realize it was a dead end. Panicky and frightened, I kept trying to get out. The weird thing is even back then I was holding a child's hand, Not as young as the recent nightmares, but still representing a dependent, innocent. I had this dream sometimes 3 times a week. Always waking disturbed and puzzled. I remember questioning my psychology teacher and his interpretation was, I was trying to escape a troubling situation and the child I was dragging was My inner child, the Naive, gullible part of me. ( he elected me "most gullible", because one day the bell didn't sound the same, when I questioned it, he told me the man that usually made that noise was out sick so it was a substitute making the new sound! I can't even believe I was ever THAT gullible!) A few months after I moved out of my moms home, I realized those dreams had stopped. Giving me a great understanding of what was troubling me. When I was feeling happy and less stressed so were my dreams. Through the years I have had a few memorable nightmares, In vivid color, as exciting and suspenseful as a hitchcock flick. But it's those reoccurring dreams that stick with me. It's so curious, that we can repeat the same theme and images. It's like we have a built in dvd player and are too lazy to think up a new adventure some nights. Just hit play and watch it again.
I don't think these "neglected baby" dreams have anything to do with escaping. The fact that they are reoccurring may be the only thing they have in common with those old dreams. As far as stress goes, I have been feeling less stressed than I have in years. I feel like a totally different woman than who I was in December. I made a few life changes and I make a conscious effort each day to stop and smell the roses, and stop and realize how lucky I am. So maybe the journey has become me forgetting about the inner me, because she doesn't need my help anymore. She is independent a little less innocent and happy, real happy and grateful for being so.

I Carry

Forever I carry you everywhere
I carry your joys worries and fears
I carry your opinions beliefs ideas
Dreams wished for or wishes broken
Sometimes shared sometimes unspoken
I carry your heart aches and pain
disappointments that remain
I carry your achievements and wins
hearty laughs devilish grins
I carry your humorous punk pranks
your thoughtfulness sweet-thanks
I carry your love and kisses on cheek
your quirky ways & moody streaks
I carry memories of your childhood lives
along with visions of your prospective wives
I carry muted prayers for your future years
lavish with health happiness short on tears
I carry the memory of each precious birth
willing you strength pride self-worth
I carry my eternal thanks to heaven above
For granting me the weight of unconditional love
Three sons I shall love from their infancy till I depart
Three sons I treasure carrying forever in my heart





This was the prompt for Sunday Scribblings

'weird' tag

Tag Name
Seven Random and / or Weird Things about Me.


I've been tagged! UL tagged me, and what a fun tag! Thanks Ul... I have many weird/random quirks... but here are the seven I came up with

Weird fact #7- I need distance glasses to see distance. I don't wear them often. They make me dizzy, so I don't see too well.
Weird fact #6- My memory is getting worse, I am convinced I have early onset of Alzheimer's although I can't remember what I keep forgetting.
Weird fact #5- As bad as my memory is... I can quote movie & tv lines from 20 or more years ago.
Weird fact #4- I startle way too easily. My eldest moved back home 3 mts. ago... yet every time he walks into a room, I Jump a foot hold my heart and say " I thought a strange Man was in the house!" .... ( I'm hoping this will motivate him to find his own apt.)
Weird fact #3- Stumped (or just too forgetful to remember how weird I am )... I asked my kids their opinion.... Unanimously they said "NEUROTIC AND OVER PROTECTIVE" ... there maybe some truth there.
Weird fact #2- Is ironic- I never took drugs during my youth because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have kids( these kids who now call me neurotic and over protective)... Hind sight ( sigh)
Weird fact #1- For someone who doesn't do drugs I am pretty paranoid about..... just about everything. I am also Overly sensitive & Self conscious to a fault. How weird am I ?



Rules
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

because I am weird... I don't want to follow the rules.... Instead Please tag yourself if you would like to do this

friendship

Thanks Writers Island. Your prompt this week was timely considering an hour before I looked to you for the prompt, I ran into my childhood friend at the Italian market. My friend only lives about 10 minutes from me. We still email occasionally.
We have only met a couple of times for lunch in the past 20 years. I sent her a birthday card just last month.
Yet, We were not only inseparable as children we were also blood sisters. Remember that Pre-HIV ritual that kids would partake in to confirm their bond of sisterhood? Linda and I met when we were in Kindergarden. Mrs. Woods' class. We didn't get friendly outside of school till the 2nd grade, when Our moms began working together and discovered their girls were in the same grade. We quickly became best friends as did our Moms. Each weekend I would sleep over at her house. She had the 'fun' neighborhood, full of kids around our age. Looking forward to each weekend helped me get through some difficult times in my own family life. In high school, I began living with her and her parents. My own Mom was going through some tough times and this arrangement made everyone happy. I don't know how it happened, but when I decided two years later that I wanted to move back home to my Moms home, everything fell apart. Linda's mom freaked out... calling me ( at only 16 years old) ' A fair weather friend'. ( They had had two deaths in their extended family). I was heart broken to lose my '2nd family' and more heartbroken to know that Linda was not suppose to talk to me. Even though she tried to respect her Moms wishes... In school during lunch period, we would try to chat and would think of ways to make things right again. When I looked back on this years later... I realized her Mom was going through her own traumatic difficulties which I know affected how she looked at the simple, harmless request of a child.
( I have a vivid painful memory of recieving the card I sent her for mothers day ripped into many pieces and mailed back to me) The trauma of her rejection added so much to what I was already going through at that time. And being an only child, I know this seperation was devestating to Linda. It is so unfortunate that we couldn't find a way to remain close friends. We went separate ways only a few minutes down the same avenue. Each time I see her my heart fills with warmth and it fills with a mournfulness over the wonderful times we missed out on in each other's lives.
I don't think we could ever be as close as we were as kids (for too many reasons too complicated to discuss) but like she said today to my 23 year old son whom she had never met before....." It doesn't matter how many years pass, each time we see each other I still feel like we're best friends". I love you Linda and I feel the same way about you. xo


Often when you've read about my childhood, you may remember...... Linda in the stories

left brain right brain no brain

I found the following cool link at looseleafnotes blog.
I would never have imagined that I would fall into the category of a 'left sided' thinker (math and science are on this side of our brains!).... but according to the following link- I am a lefty.
left brain right brain
Since I have an absolutely blank brain on this weeks scribblings prompt (but I hate skipping a week and I love hearing from you)..... I will just ask you to visit this link and see which side dominates you. This is kind of like stealing some ones else's homework.. but remember... I am in vacation mode i.e.- lazy, relaxed, brain dead.
oooh- just found this... Once you know if you're right or left go Here and see more characteristics AND what occupation you would be good at! Geeez I could have been a Bacteriologist! If only.
oooh again... I found another test below..... Again my score is left-brained, maybe I SHOULD enroll is bacteriologist school?

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (30%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (64%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

updated at 4 pm My brain is now awake. I thought of another good L/R tip.
For any one out there trying to teach their young ones their left from right.. Here's a tip that worked for my kids
Put your hands straight out in front of you... The thumb and index finger that makes an L shape- That's your Left hand!
Maybe everyone already knows this tip ,but If not... Hope it helps a child. :))