Panic at the beach

Being short on computer time, I decided to re-post and older post from '06, for Heads or tails see/sea week.. Not many people followed my blog back then and probably haven't read this one. (hope this isn't cheating Skitts!!)

I have been accused too many times, especially from my boys, of being too uptight. So, Today when I lost sight of my 13 year old son at the beach, I tried to remain calm. This was my first trip to the sea this summer. I was looking forward to total relaxation, total detoxification. As soon as we arrived he said " I'm going in" and before I could gather my thoughts to tell him all the usual Mom warnings ( Make sure you remember this umbrella/ Remember we are on this side of the concession stand/ Don't go out too far out / check back with me soon - He was gone.
I stood by the water trying to see where he was, with no luck, so I started walking- trying to figure out which way the tide was drifting. Some people drifted east some west. So I walked both ways. No luck. I returned to our chairs and fellow moms (all so kind) said he didn't return. Now tell me, how long would it take you to panic? Am I a total NUT like my 3 boys think I am? After an hour and fifteen minutes of walking and searching, I spoke to the life guard. He called the others on his walkie talkie to keep an eye out for my sons description. After another 30 minutes, I was beginning to seriously panic. I went to the main lifeguard stand, where they called the police. I have No idea what they would have done, besides, maybe give me an oxygen mask. I was really in a panic! No sooner, did they call them, that their radio beeped informing them that my surfer boy had returned to our chairs! So they gave me a ride back, in their little beach jeep. The few moms I had spoken to earlier each ran up to the jeep to tell me- "they've found him!" (God bless all Moms, we really feel for each other) Well, of course my little guy didn't walk down to see the naked chicks at the nude beach as the lifeguards suggested. He wasn't wandering totally lost or drowned at sea, as i feared. He was just jumping waves, swimming and having a 13 year old Ball! He drifted pretty far away, but he said "of course I knew the way back, I'm not like 8, Mom"
He was so shocked at me for calling out the posse and of course he looked at me like I was,- (as my other son nick likes to exaggerate)-crrrrraaaazzzzyy!! No, I didn't break his legs, I didn't kill him. I just had a long talk with him and then we actually stayed and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. Me in my chair, finally taking a cleansing breath and enjoying the sun and sea breeze.... him ...jumping waves and waving to me constantly!!

update..( i tell u, reading this again.. I CAN'T believe I waited THAT long... Today I must be even crazier because I think I would have called the police after 10 minutes!! )

Thoughts on aging heart and soul

I am remembering that it wasn't too long ago when I had the passing thought that my future would Definitely contain some 'minor appearance adjustments'. Back then when I looked in the mirror and saw new little crows feet dancing around my eyes I thought.. NO WAY do I want to become all wrinkly and old looking! I mentioned it jokingly to my eldest who was probably only in high school at that time. I yelled.. "Start saving up for my surgery!!" Well, my surprisingly wise young son looked at me with his serious strong handsome face and more Like a Parent enlightening a child, he said to me.. "Mom, Every line around your eyes show all the times you've laughed in your life, Why in the world would you want to erase that reminder?" I hugged him and told him how brilliant he was and I never forgot those beautiful words and his beautifully heartfelt theory.

Fast forward a few years as I watched a very close friend make a 360 degree turn in not only her appearance but her entire attitude. I guess this was her way of handling aging. I tried so hard to be supportive of the "NEW Her", and was feeling so damn guilty and sad when our friendship died. Until, once again.. The wise words of that same son.. "mom, YOU are still the same person you were when u met her.. SHE did all the changing. If you would have met her the way her personality is today, you would have Never befriended her, right? So,move on and forget feeling guilty! I listened and moved on and am not guilty anymore, but I still can't help missing the 'old her', the friend who wasn't just totally obsessed with keeping herself youthful.


I've always felt that aging is a precious gift. I lost a dear friend to breast cancer at the tragically young age of 37. She left two young children behind. Had she been graced with a choice, I will Bet you Anything, she would have chosen growing older, no matter how many wrinkles, aches and pains, were part of that package. With each passing year and each additional wrinkle to mark each year also comes an additional indentation of wisdom. As I am growing older I feel like I am absorbing, valuing and appreciating the tiny blessings that I overlooked in my youth. The feelings of awareness, self confidence and freedom from insecurities are also rewardingly blissful. Certainly worth exchanging for some saggy, wrinkly outer skin. After all, that IS all that is.. your outer covering. If we could be turned inside-out, I think we would see that the older a person is lucky enough to grow,the more radiantly beautiful their hearts and souls become.
So I am opting out of any ideas of changing my outer skin, instead I am hoping to enjoy aging for a long, albeit wrinkly time. keeping a young attitude in mind but developing an exceedingly old, sparklingly enlightened, heart and soul. (as well as improving my computer skills!!)



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my Potpourri week

This past week felt at least 10 days long. It began with me making the Monumental decision... Long panel? Short Panel?


After driving the garage door guy and Mr. Petals a little crazy... I finally selected LONG PANAL.. reasoning.. "Why do we need so many squares out there??" I also chose 'sunray' as my glass selection...partly because the name reminded me of summer which I love. (this is what it looks like...)
Our garage doors are so old and this is an improvement we've been trying to get to since we bought our home TWENTYFIVE short years ago! I think they are actually the original doors and this home is at least 75 years old.
Whenever I have a lot to say in a blog post I wonder how many readers will actually stay with me and read the whole long post? I hope u do!

This long week also had me worried again about my 'pregnant like' state. Instead of a pregnancy test, this week my doc had me go to the hospital for a sonogram. This is step one. She wants to rule out anything gynecological before having me seek out a gastroenterologist to find out WHY my stomach is SO distended, I appear to be about 6 months along! I feel just as uncomfortable as when I was. It's funny how you don't forget, even though the last time was 16 years ago. Every night while trying to fall asleep, I lay there and feel as if I ate a whole watermelon. I feel so anxious for her to call me with these test results so I know where I stand and what my next move needs to be. (thank god I do know for sure, it is NOT buying baby clothes!) My sweet nurse pal Sal, heard how I was feeling AND looking from her sister and decided to pamper me with a huge tray of her delicious eggplant parm! She delivered it to me with so much concern and love AND meatballs on the side!! Thanks for your love Sal! I love U!

This past week also brought my husbands 53rd birthday. We celebrated with our boys with some out to dinner fun food drinks and laughs. I love that when the 5 of us sit down together we usually always find something great to talk about and laugh over. I baked his favorite box cake ( I am by no means a talented baker!) Fluffy white on white. We all devoured that entirely by the next morning! Another thing Mr. Petals and I have been enjoying doing a lot of ... (no, not that).... PaInTiNg! Since everyone was so kind and didn't make fun of my last attempt at art.. I would love to share my latest masterpiece with you!.... TA DA! I really loved this one.. It doesn't look as stylized as my last one. I am imagining these to be olive trees in Italy!

Last night we had tickets to go to a local performing arts center and see 'Mostly Moptops.'
They are a beatles tribute band. My youngest son is a beatle lover and we thought he would enjoy this. We ALL did! The main singer was VEry entertaining and he really sounded so much like our beloved Lennon. It was so much fun we purchased tickets for two more upcoming tributes. Fleetwood Mac and CSN.

This past week was mishmashed with many emotions many worries but with much fun and enjoyment (as well as many clients who drove me looney). It also led me to a final blog decision... I was upset about HOW often I hesitate on what I choose to write about because I've given my blog address to just too many people I know.(in the words of Jackie Gleason... I have a B I G mouth!!) I often find myself thinking... hmmm, no I shouldn't write this... cause so and so may misconstrue its meaning... or hmmm, No I don't want to share that because someone may know TOO much of my business... I was even actually thinking of beginning a new blog and not telling anyone except my cyber friends, but my week end conclusion is this... I just don't give a damn and I am going to write about whatever or whomever I feel like writing about. (although, of course, as ALwaYs, taking into consideration that my sons may read) What do u think of that decision? As you can tell from the garage door story.. I am a bit wishy washy in the DEFINITE decision category... so if you think I should start a new blog.... This blog decision is not so final!
Are u still with me?? Thanks!! hope u choose to leave me a comment too! <3

I come from

Sunday Scribblings this week asks us to write about where we come from.
I come from Italian descent. Half of my ancestors were from Naples Italy the other half from Sicily. Some of where 'I come from' was passed down to me from my italian heritage but so much more of Who I've come to be seems almost innate and somehow as if it came to me instinctively through keen observations, strong perceptive abilities and a common sense for what I see to be just and moral and truly valuable. The combination of influences have me feeling like this....
I come from a belief in strong family ties. I come from a love for fun, food and friends,wine and music, Humor, animals and love. I come from a strong belief that children must be put first. Children are our future, our past, our wisest investment. I come from speaking from the heart and loving unconditionally. I come from honesty and a caring consideration for others. I come from fair mindedness and harmonious living conditions. I come from a strong belief in equality, respect and tolerance for each other. I come from a belief that freedom, education, peace and a chance for prosperity should be every human beings natural right. I come from loyalty to my country. I come from modest means but believe in giving generously. I come to you quite humbly with a post that makes me feel pretty proud of where I am coming from.

3 word wednesday

Burden
Natural
Ubiquitous

He didn't want to burden his children and his wife
despite the natural progression of death after life
Ubiquitous love filled his hospital room wall to wall
He took one final look, one smile before gods final call.

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Natures perfect food

HEADS -
*OR*
TAILS

I can't help noticing how many fruits and veggies end up in the trash in my home.
I always seem to wait too long to cut up that 3 pack of Gigantic cantaloupes from costco... when I finally attempt it, SLIME!
I Constantly buy, wash and put grapes in a beautiful bowl on my table... Kids pick at a few of them the first day... a few days later.... FUR !
I know how important it is to eat many vegetables. I buy them!.. I wash them!.. I prepare them! I cook them! TOO often even though the date says they should be fresh.... MUSH!
But the point I am really trying to make here for Heads of tails...?
EVERY TIME I open a bag of lays potato chips or Milano Cookies.... they Are PERFECT!!! No washing, no chopping, no cooking, No Slime, No Fur and Only occasionally a bit Mushy ( if I choose to dip them in my red wine.) THAT's good eating!
(thanks for the weekly infusion of inspiration Skittles!)

Dear Little Lucy,

You feel scared right now, You are not sure what to think of a letter from an older you. Relax and sit in that favorite pink flower power chair. Yes, I remember loving it too. I want you to feel a sense of peace in knowing that I understand how you are feeling. I understand your deep desire to break free and be your own person. I know of all your insecurities and worries. I know that you have a generous heart which is feeling unfulfilled right now. You desire so deeply to feel treasured and feel loved. You watch your happy young friends who seem like they are living your idea of the ideal life. They are constantly encouraged, nurtured, Hugged ... treasured. You insightfully see that many don't even realize how lucky they truly are. I see you with your big soulful eyes yearning to burst into a different world. You are what I now consider an 'old soul'. You are filled with passion and emotion and intuitive qualities. You crave compassionate communication and connections. I need you to listen carefully! I want you to hold on to hope. Don't let every one and every thing get to you and crush your spirit. I am letting you know that your life IS going to change. You have a future in front of you that is filled with love, with children with many friends, and amazing accomplishments! Your feelings of loneliness are so difficult to bear especially at such a young tender age. Please know that there is a reason for this stage of your life. You will discover there really is a reason for everything that happens to us in life. You need to hold tight to that belief and be as positive as you can as you watch for the subtle signs, life's meaning all around you. Please trust me when I tell you, you CAN breathe easier throughout these difficult years, Your future is sunny Little Lucy. So, On those darkest days when you start losing faith and feel unsure there is a point to it all...Please revisit my letter..feel my love for you, feel my encouragement, feel me wrap a hug around you. I treasure everything about you. Trust my promise Lucy, all of your dreams of love will come true.
(p.s. as soon as you hear the word google... buy as much stock in that as you can!)

Dear Old Lucy,
I know by the time you read this letter you've come to understand and appreciate all the obstacles and adversities that you've experienced. I know you have been wise enough to appreciate and treasure even the very simple pleasures of your full life. Like I explained to you in my past letter, there are reasons for everything. Every up. Every down. Every blissful smile. Every low point. You've wisely discovered life's subtle hints and figured out the mystery of the universe in the process! Making life a better place for mankind. You can be happy in your after life knowing you've left the world a better place because of your research and your incredible, Pulitzer, Nobel prized masterpiece. I promised that you would experience many years of giving and receiving love! I am confidant that at this point, u have finally mastered the extraordinary task of loving yourself as well.


visit..
sunday scribblings

first response?? Somebody shoot me!

I haven't been as scared as I was this morning... In a very long time. Last night I bought my very first over the counter pregnancy test. I guess this explains the nightmares I had in the last two posts! I just haven't been feeling too well lately. I kept chalking it up to that bitch Peri. But after speaking to a nurse at my gynecologists office about my dear departed friend, and then Her telling me that all my hormone levels from a recent blood test were normal, I started to sweat. When I told the nurse that I am also bloated and have sore boobs and cry at the drop of a pin.. She made that little noise....u know the one? Like she was sucking in the side of her mouth? I said... Are u thinking what I am thinking??".... She said, well it wouldn't hurt to buy a pregnancy test. I said... I am turning FIFTY in a few months! I may as well buy a freaking gun too!!
Last night poor Mr. Petals looked a funny shade of puce with green circles under his eyes and just like a cartoon he had hypnotic circles dancing IN his eyes. I decided to torture the poor bastard a little longer and wait till the morning for, eh hmm, a stronger test solution! (procrastination is a dead woman's best friend) My doctor called me back this morning and woke me from a comatose sleep. She asked if I did the test yet. I told her that I didn't 'go' yet and the thought of positive results were just paralyzing me.. She said DO the test, I just KNoW it will be negative.. She then went on to tell me WHY she believes I AM in Peri-menopause and all my symptoms were normal for that stage... ( I also discovered, stupid me, I had been talking to a receptionist last night, NOT a nurse). THank GOd, My doc was right! only ONE little pink line appeared in the tiny window. ( these little tests would be so damn cute if they weren't so fucking terrifying.) I am feeling like a tight rope has been released from my wind pipe! my second response? twin beds!

Another One!

After that last post, I couldn't resist writing about last nights dream as well. Here we go again, you would think I eat garlic cloves before bed! CRAzzYY dreams! I had a vivid dream that I was at my sisters house but of course it wasn't anything like my sisters house. I was trying to leave to catch a BUS to go home (weird, because I would never take a bus to her house!!) Anyway, It was raining really hard and I was trying to find my dog Molly to take her home. Finally, I put her leash on her and was trying to drag her outside and she didn't want to leave my sisters house. SO to persuade her I sweetly asked... "Come on Moll, Don't u want to go home and see Cosmo? ( my other dog).. Do u remember Cosmo?" AND HERE is where the dream gets SUPER freaky... MOlly who still has her cute shaggy Molly hair ( look right and you can see her picture ->)
NOW has my neighbors Son's face!!! HIS face with her shaggy DOG hair!! and all of a sudden Molly is in a BABY carriage and she Says really clearly and slowly and quite adorably.. "I re-mem-ber Cos-mo" I then excitedly say to my sister... Oh my god! did u hear that?!! Molly Spoke!! She Spoke!! OH WoW!! ( i guess even with the baby carriage and face of a real child... I still thought she was a dog? ) I have NO idea... When I told this whole crazy dream to my husband this morning.. With a worried expression, He seriously asked me if I had begun dropping acid?
He Never remembers his dreams and mine are a crazy freak show. ( btw.. We did make our bus!)
** update** Over dinner, I just told my youngest son Joey this story and through his laughter he said.. You made the bus, eh Mom? Where did it take u to the nearest mental institute?
my smart ass kids! no wonder I am having nightmares about babies!!

Did u ever?

Okay another crazy baby dream last night!! This time instead of me
neglecting the baby, I was carrying him around in a baby store looking for baby necessities. ( I vividly recall admiring black and white polka dotted baby shorts!) The sales woman looked at my puffy old face and like a good phony baloney, she asked... Awww Is this your first baby?? I instantly began bawling and cried.." NO!! I HAVE ADULT MEN LIVING AT HOME!!" I woke up in a cold sweat wondering... WHaT the hell did this dream mean???
Do you clearly remember some of your dreams? do u have ANY idea what the hell is wrong with me?
speaking of babies... Have u see this adorable funny video yet?? I tried having the video on my blog but I just can't make this happen.. Hope u pop over to u tube and check this out (ooh, but leave me a comment first!)
serious baby

Who is googling yOu?

Once again, I made the mistake of checking my site meter. You know that free little service that we probably all signed up for but many don't ever check? Well.. Just like a few months ago when I checked it, I found that many people that came upon my blog did so by googling ____well if I say it again.. that will be more perv traffic. I will try to talk about it with out saying it. What is it with people and eh hem massaging? Is this a new fetish? When it unexpectedly happened to me ( i will link to it without writing the key words) I never imagined it was the phenomenon it appears to be! who knew? I guess my masseuse was on the cutting edge of ...' derrière stress relief'. I also noticed a number of pervs who searched for ... derrière manipulation... did so, along with massaging of their.... well...lets just say..... they are round and used in many sports?? CAts play with them?? are u understanding? YEAH... THAT is getting googled a LOT and leading those interested to my innocent corner of the world!! The other big google search that leads here? Miss Cookies Kitchen. I guess i am not the only one with fun memories of that toy . IN FACT!! I almost forgot to mention.. THE creator of that colorforms set emailed me after he googled it and found me! ( I know I am naive, but I really think he was legit) Wish I would have saved it to show to you.( Mr. colorform..if u are still reading me.. please email me again! I wanted to answer but I lost your email)

Tell me what frequent google searches often lead to your blog?

Listen up because this is important!!

There is an amazing woman out there in blogland!
You may already know her, but if you don't...
you BETTER listen up! This inspiring woman screams
inner strength, pluckiness, tenacity, humor and optimism
as she touches lives with her genuine heartfelt expression.
This week my Sunday Scribblings is dedicated to my beautiful friend Tammy!!
(who recently introduced me to acrostic poetry!)


Treasured! tenacious! spirited! warrior!
A gifted writer, poet, photographer, dear friend
My life is richer since you've touched my heart
May All your wishes and dreams come true
Your spirit & spunk beams brighter than any star!
xoxo

(thanks for encouraging my poetry attempts Tam!)
Love U!
(well? what are u waiting for?? Go visit Tam! Tell her Lucy sent u!)

Under the boggled sea

avenge genuine Ramble

I've been feeling a bit crazed lately. Thinking way too much about everything. Trying to figure out some smart strategies to get ahead. Trying to dissect the past, analyze the present and find optimism and peace for my future. When certain thoughts tend to cripple me with despair, I try so hard to avenge them by intently focusing on a positive perspective. I keep thinking.. of a friend I lost many years ago who never got to see her young children grow... Of a favorite client who is battling cancer for the second time...Of other friends who are living in pain every day from various illnesses and heartaches. There are so many scenarios much worse than anything I am facing or have faced. I am genuinely a very lucky and grateful lady. This forced mindset may contradict the original desperate thoughts but gee, Doesn't it all sound so exhausting?? Well, it is! A friend explained to me that all this thinking is using the left side of my brain, Imagine how tired she must be! The Right side is the creative side.. So if I put that side into motion... I can give the overworked side a rest! This week, I took that sage advice and attempted painting a picture! I feel like between balancing the left and right and a little zumba of my Rumpa in between, all my soul searching may be put into a clearer light, guiding me to what I am feeling and actually needing AND.. allow me to write without so much rambling!
I am bravely sharing my painting with you... keep in mind my artistic abilities with painting are not much better than my talent in poetry!


3 ww

Getting There

HEADS -
*OR*
TAILS

Why is it that 'getting there' is not the same for men and women? Men can 'get there' without much effort. If they have a pulse. With a cool breeze, a warm shower....a sears catalog. Women need motivation ALL day long... A loving caress in the morning, many kind words.. a glass of wine. The kids away or asleep. Many more kind words. The planets aligned. The house in order. More kind words. Men may have all the right moves and kind words for trying to get her there all day long... They've done the sweet good morning, (she is feeling happy!) they've answered correctly to the dreaded..."do these jeans make my butt look too big?". They've helped clean up dinner. (she is almost getting there) The Day long mandatory foreplay is almost ending!... Getting closer now to 'getting there' together...The evening is winding down...The sink has no dirty dishes. The moon is in pisces... and Then The very tired, grumbly man says ONE offensive utterance like.. 'Smell this shirt, Can I wear this again tomorrow?" and THAT can UNdo all the 'getting there' HE has done to get her there and THAT's the end of that for them THAT day!

thanks for the Heads or Tails prompt Barb!

Did u ever

I can't believe that this april I will be celebrating my THIRD blogging anniversary!
I felt like looking back a bit, adding some new pictures and music to spruce up the old place and asking my more current readers...
did u ever read my very first blog post?....

Thursday, April 20, 2006

What's in a name?

Having decided to try my hand at blogging, my first obstacle was a name. My name has never sat well with me. My parents named me after my fathers mother. Lucille. No offense to all the Lucille's out there, but I never cared for that name. I also never cared for the nick name that came from Lucille. LuLu. Since I was a wee little baby, my family called me LuLu. For many years ( like "baby" in Dirty Dancing) I didn't realize there was anything wrong with the name. Then my first passionate kiss at age 12! This innocent young boy (Eric) whispered " Oh LuLu". Well, the silliness of that name had me laughing instead of kissing. He felt uncomfortable and I felt my name didn't fit me. To the rescue my big sister- who suggests I take the Lu from Lucille and the Anne of my middle name and become Luanne! A New Lu is born. From that day forth I introduced my self to everyone as Luanne. In school i was still Lucille, At home the LuLu would not die. At my wedding I had the priest call me Lucille ( for my moms sake mostly) and several friends afterward said how sorry they were that the priest got my name wrong! I never legally changed my name so the confusion has been troublesome. Well, here I am now many, many years later, My husband and my friends call me Luanne. My mom still throws an occasional LuLu at me, which I now do not mind at all. After all the hoopla and insecurity and awkward circumstances..... I wish I would have just been a Lucy.

I gave this whole explanation as to why I chose to be referred to as Lucy but I am surprised I didn't talk more about taking on the new hobby of blogging or about the blogs title. I AM a little weird, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I rarely look back on what I've written but this week...Looking back on some of my older posts, it made me realize that I used to share much more of my life. I'm not really sure whY I don't as much lately? I also realized that my memory is worse than I thought! I had forgotten so much of what I've written. That reinforces another emotional feeling I've had all week... that we ONly go around once!! I mean, of course I've always known that.. but this week for some reason, I am really ... REALLY focusing on that poignant fact. Not just about my life, but even random strangers will bring it to mind! Like.. My son's friend talked about how Amy Fischer was stripping. I felt so sad for her.... first she shoots some poor innocent woman in the head, then goes to prison, now strips for a living?? THIS is how she is using her Once around?? I don't think when we are young and making life choices we really REALLY have it sink in..... THIS is the path I am choosing to live my ONE chance on. Hind sight really is 20/20. I wonder if this wondering means something? Did u ever feel like this too?