Every time I visit Queen-sized funny bone and see the photos of her adorable chihuahuas, my heart gives a tug. I think it's time I finally tell my Chihuahua story...
When I was a little girl I had an adorable chihuahua named Daisy. She was white like the one in this photo and shook like a leaf in every situation. She always slept with me and would stay curled up way down under the covers near my feet. I carried her around everywhere I went. When I rode my bike, I would plop her in the basket and make her sit down so she didn't fall out. One day, even though Daisy was staying like a good girl, I went over a bump in my street and POP, UP came Poor Daisy and BAM down in the street. I slammed on my brakes dropped the bike and ran to her in a panic.
She cried only a bit but I cried for an hour. I held her on my lap while sitting on the side of the road. I kept telling her "Im so sorry daisy" "Im so so sorry" "Are you okay girl?"As I pet her, I remember even bringing up to her, the time I took it upon myself to cut her black nails and I accidently made her bleed A LOT and I didn't know what to do, because no one was at home. I told her again now, HOW awful I felt about that time I hurt her nails and how scared that had made me too. I promised her I would never make her come for a ride again. I carried her back home and put her in her doggie bed. I went back and got my bike and put it away. I pulled myself together, not an easy task for an eight or nine year old. I never told my Mom what had happened that day.
A few weeks later, Daisy was acting strange. Every-time she would make one little move, she would start yipping. It was so scary and I was so sure it was from the fall. Still, I didn't confess. Reluctantly My mom took my little Daisy to the vet. The news was just horrifying. Poor Daisy had a slipped disc in her spine and would have to be put to sleep. I'm sure the vet must have suggested back surgery, but that scenario was never told to me. I had to say goodbye to my sweet little girl, who I loved with all my heart. The grief combined with the stabbing guilt I felt was simply unbearable. I cried non-stop for more than a week. My family was supportive at first, but after a few days.. they thought there was something very wrong with my never-ending grieving.
Till this day, my heart pangs everytime I think of her. Thankfully as an adult I let go of a lot of that guilt. I was a little girl, with very little supervision. Daisy's injury could have been avoided, had I been told NOT to put her in that basket. Good judgment doesn't come so easy to a child. I silently carried the pain in my heart for this little dog for so many guilty years. Confession feels so good, no matter how many years it's been. She will never be forgotten and I will never stop feeling this deep remorse for shortening her sweet,precious life.
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13 comments:
Oh Lucy, what a sad story. That must have been terrible for you. Makes my heart ache to think of your suffering over it.
Hi Lucy, thanks for stopping by my blog.
I have a similar story - when I was about seven or eight, our domestic worker got some little yellow chicks and let me play with one of them. I let it walk around the garden with me, but it wouldn't shut up. It just kept cheeping. So I got a tiny little stone and fed it to the chick. To this day, I can't explain why. It choked and died. And I felt guilty about it for years and years afterwards! I honestly hadn't meant to hurt it. I can still get teary thinking about it now. Poor thing.
luc!!! what a hard thing for a child to endure in silence.. why is it that as children (or even adults for that matter) we are so programmed to deny wrong doing that we will cause permanent emotional scars,, rather than just tell someone the truth???
XXOO
Oh that is so sad Lucy! I understand why you find it hard to let go of your guilt, but as you say you were just a child. And I am sure you have learnt from it. It is so sad when it comes to animals because we always feel a responsibility for the situations we put them in. That really made me feel sad but it wasn't your fault :(
I think one of Queenie's dogs is named Daisy, too.
That is such a sad story. Poor Daisy, and poor Lucy! Of course you didn't mean to hurt her! I can't blame you for not confessing it, but I can only imagine your pain.
Oh I understand the pain all too well and I think everyone does. If anything ever happen to my DAISIE or DAVIS I would feel responsible even if it wasn't my fault. things happen especially when your a child and don't know any better. All though your story didn't end well I'm sure your Daisy was happy with all the love you gave her while you were together.
My story goes as follows. when we were kids we had toy poodles and I loved this little chocolate pup my mom got and I was playing with her and then got bored so I tied her on the porch and she went to come down the stairs fell in between and hung herself. You see everyone carries a bit of guilt from the past. That was clearly all my fault because of my stupidity.
I'm glad you could share this story ... and you're right, a 9 year-old child is in no position to figure this out without guidance. Sending love, deb
Lucy, chihuahuas are extremely fragile dogs. A bike accident wouldn't seriously hurt most dogs, even small ones. I worked as a vet tech for years,and we sometimes saw chihuahuas dying over tiny incidents. A lady I worked with had a teacup that broke its neck and died from jumping off the bed. Back problems are just a flaw of the breed. I hope that alleviates some of the guilt!
We always had a houseful of cats, and I remember none of them individually. I had one dog, a few years ago, a beautiful German Shepherd, named Kahn. Wonderful memories of times we spent together.
A sad story, but it is so wrong for a child to carry such guilt. Luckily, in adulthood, we can work out the meaning of responsibility, and understand that we can be excused so much of it in childhood.
We simply didn't know, and couldn't be expected to.
HUGS
that was really traumatic!
Lucy ~ thanks for stopping by and saying hello. Just wanted to agree with the earlier bloggers who concur that of course it was not your fault and ((hugs)) to the little girl back then who carried so much guilt and sadness over something that certainly wasn't her fault.
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